I have a 9 yr old son who has many developmental delays and sensory processing disorders to many to name.  He was 5 weeks premature and paralyzed on one side. I had an emergency c-section do to kidney failure and H.E.L.L.P syndrome. He was like a bird blue like the sky before a storm comes  and the wind comes and sweeps it all away. They brought him back to life two times that day. The pain that day that still resides in my heart. The constant guilt that I sustain. Did I lift something that was to heavy for me? Why did he separate from me in the womb? Did he want away from me that bad? He can move both sides of his body and can play. He gets very angry at me. I have to keep my home safe keep him away from knives. Mental health issues are never nice. As a mother I want to hold him and embrace. Its not been a easy road but life is never easy or so I have been told. We move forward day to day dance on the clouds if we may. The only thing that is blue is his eyes that take me so far away. Thank you for reading this I have never told my story and how close death was for him and I . Peace

Just a quick note I do not believe in drinking while pregnant. I do however feel what its like to struggle with this problem. I have been clean for 287 days . I also never drank well pregnant. Also sorry about the pronunciation.