I am
So tired.
I am cold
And white
And blind.
On my wrists,
Defensive wounds
From a vicious love,
From the kisses
Of a black asp
With constellation eyes.

I have been reliving my death.
I have been choosing
That sweet, frigid venom,
An addict dripping poison into my veins.

But I am
So tired.
I am spent
And lost
And alone.
There are bruises on the soft insides of my arms
From a habit of worshiping
Sharp things.
Under my fingernails,
Dark soil
Evidence of a grave I've overcome
Too many times
And a struggle I've won
At a cost.

I am sick of death.
Sick of attending funerals for the futures I lose
Brutally and unexpectedly.
I am sick of being tolerated.
I am sick of being
Sorry.
I want to feel life in me.
I want to learn the taste of sunlight
And safety.
Of forgiveness--
I hear
It is sweet as warm honey.
(I wouldn't
Know)

I have gazed....
Oh, I have gazed long,
And the void saw me
As I saw it.
And long after I wished I could look elsewhere
I stood, gorgonized, on the edge.

Hold my hand.
Remind me that I have hands.
Spread light
In me.
Forgive me for my gravity as I lean forward on that hollow breeze that's always calling.
Pull me back and keep me
Steady.

I will never be
On solid ground.
I will never be easy.
I will never be
Safe.
I am half light and half shadow,
Half joy and half pain,
Half kindness and half anger.
I am a great, twisted tree,
With my branches in heaven
And my roots
In hell.
Love that in me,
Will you?
Will somebody?
I am ready
To bloom.
I am ready
To live.
I am ready to be exactly
What I am.

If I could sleep next to you
I'd sleep with my back against yours
and my eyes trained for things
you are unable to see facing forward.

When you sit alone at night
And can't help but stare blankly into darkness
Remembering all those times you were
torn up
  chewed up
    spit out
      stepped on
        shattered into millions of pieces
Not knowing why, and wondering how the hell you ever made it


Curling into a ball and hugging yourself tighter than ever
With the quiet, shallow breathing you've perfected so as to not wake a soul
And tears escaping your eyes and cracking your insides as if you were nothing but raw
Shaking as if the room was cold beyond compare
Fighting inner demons as they try to escape through every pore of your body
As if they were trying to take hold of where a warrior once possessed
Spasms of terror paralyze limbs, thoughts taking over
Closing your eyes tight until the time has passed
Falling asleep, recouping for nights to come