The thoughts that haunt me,
creep up at night
Visions of fly overs,
passing headlights
The deepest oceans,
filling my lungs
Every soul,
I've ever done wrong
My health anxieties,
white pustules and red gums
Eternal suffering,
even after relief
These are the things
that **** me in my sleep

I'm sad and lonely
but I'm not alone
My family they love me,
my sweetheart and friends
Though I have a mind
they cannot mend
I'm shallow sometimes,
even self obsessed
These confessions of mine,
hurt me and cut deep
With depression in mind,
I can find no relief
One thing I know
If I can't get to sleep
The road I will go,
The road I will go,
The road I will go,
the road oh-so-bleak

my dream was so vivid
hauntingly so
two old best friends and I
causing mischief
in a shopping centre
just like the old days
I haven't seen them both
in so very long
I can't help but wonder
how they are
despite the fact that
they both hurt me
very badly
I still feel the pain today
not often but the scars
are certainly still there
naturally I kept waking up
trying to escape the agony
of my prominent
but less illustrious past

everytime I fell asleep again
I found myself in the same dream
exactly where I left it
only to then wake up
hot and cold at the same time
thanks to night sweats
the strange thing is
in my dream I was happy
enjoying the company
of two old friends
despite the fact that
I kept waking up saddened
horrified and alone
I can't forget my past
I don't even want to
it made me who I am
I just don't want to relive it

or miss it

What a load of ****.
He said it best
Describing the world as if
He wore a heart shaped vest
Oh lord,
So vast, this plane of minerals
Alas!
Existence.
Rejoice
Rejoice
Rejoice

I don't want in poetry
Rather,
I have a need for words
To understand how I feel
To help you understand
My inner workings
I reflect on myself
Learn and better myself
Heart wrenching stories
From my past
Can't creep up on me
Or take me by surprise
When I review them daily
Weekly,
Monthly,
Yearly,
To better ourselves
We write
To share our angst
We write
To show that we love
We write
To feel someone else
Intimately
To touch the very soul
Of someone we have never met
To cry on their shoulders
To rejoice in happiness
Together

We read

Will you still love me
When I'm old and grey?
Will you still want me
If I go my own way?
And will you still need me
At the end of days?
When you have everything
Will I be a part of that?

I so badly want to fit in to you
Be apart of your life
Because I love you so much
And you love me but love
Was never enough

We have different dreams
Yours are glamorous and admirable
Mine are modest and never true
My dreams always tell a story
Of a life of success with me and you

I don't see how I fit in to your dreams
We're raised so differently
We want different things in fact
I just want you and me
You want the scary life of fame
Champagne and big cities

I would live in your shadow
Without hate or jealousy
I'd father our children and love them so
We'd teach them the best of us
A bit of both and a lot of love
That is my fantasy

But I was meant for more than that
I really think I was
I don't want to carry your briefcase
Yet live separately in our minds
I've been hurt before and know
It's only a short matter of time