i'll blow my brains out
to your favorite song;

if you see the lyrics
spelt out in my gore
maybe you can see
how much i cared

my mouth has been filled with a flood;
the waters are tainted with the acid of the world.

it wears my teeth down into
pearled-knives,
and they cut the insides of my cheeks -
mixing in
bad blood with
a devilish pollution.

i cannot release a cry.
i cannot stomach the feeling.
i cannot ***** the sickness.

i've been sleepwalking into blackholes,
turning cartwheels by oblivion
with a hell
stuck between my lips.

i've been swallowed from the inside out -
flashing in and out of life
with the firestorm of
sirens.

the reds and blues scream in unison
for a world greater than you and i.

there has been a silence in my life
that has been ringing  
with the furor
of gunshots.

the hot-smoked blow of air
giving birth to death in metal -

and my ears bleed a red
more red than blood.

i am deaf to all reason and numb to every feeling.

i am a doll made of dirt
and fake gold.

no marks of teeth will ever scar me.

i stand proudly with a broken back
smiling
even though
there's nothing to live for.

the subtle heat death

of the universe

the slow, soft burning of all things

and in every man

lies something worse

and only after you've been burned

does anything start to hurt

an ode to a dance of symbols
to the tangle of the esoterist's threads
and a cacophony of voices bumping heads
as they bustle under the table
and knock the loosened legs
to fall south side to the dregs
wine whiter than the wiser's robes
spills and spreads like soft seafoam