Ive loved you
For two years and three months.
For 27 months.
For 118 weeks and one day.
For 827 days.
For 19, 848 hours.
For 1,190,880 minutes.
For 71,452,800 seconds.
Ive loved you
Since January 1, 2012.
Since I met you at the skatepark.
Since the day I gave you all of me.
Since the day that you actually made me feel wanted.
Since the day we had our very first kiss.
Ive loved you
With every fiber of my being.
With every inch,
With every corner of my heart.
With every warm touch to my body.
With every tear drop from my eye.
You dont want me
Youve left such an impact on me.
Youve changed my thoughts on love.
Youve changed me.
You still have all of me
Every ounce of my heart.
Every fiber of my being.
Im cold
I dont have a sincere smile.
I dont have a warm touch.
I dont have you.
And it has broken all of me

i've been living in the shadows
in the small crevice in the back of my closet
next to the shoe box filled with love notes and memories

i've been seeing things through a ***** window
a window in my cell
where everything i touch is cold and sends shivers through my spine

i've been sleepwalking through this 'life'
as if it is my own
but i don't recognize the face i see in the mirror

i've been loving
every gentle, comely face that lay in their despair
and they run, they sprint, as i lay helpless

i've been trying, caring, wanting
and each and every time i am reminded
there is nothing good for me here

this isn't reality

Friday 28**
the lack of attention,
lack of sexuality weighed on my shoulders
the abundance of stress and hardships
without any distraction
all at once
***** take away the pain
and it does
surrounded by beautiful people
with strangely demented faces
at least from my point of view
they watch over me as i stumble
a small rest in an elevator with pranksters
a cigarette on the balcony with..
who knows
a burning cigarette resting on my body somewhere
gum in my hair
then in the taco bell drive through
removing the toxins, in the worst of ways
and heading to the drunken second home of the beauties  

he cuddles me to sleep

*******
and your indecisiveness
Your mysterious demure caught my glance
You twisted, and dissembled my sight
Wrapped up in your eloquence
Believing in good intentions
Our evanescent love lasted only a moment
If it existed at all
Your nearness to me was made insignificant by your blithe nonchalance
And here I remain
An ingenue
Fooled again, lured in by your perplexing,
Negligent attitude towards life,
Towards me