i’m realizing freedom is in reach and it always has been. i don’t have to change the things around me or inside me. nurturing gratefulness and peace and love has never been easier or more rewarding. i'm remembering the reasons i gave myself away in the first place and they seem silly now. the loneliness i associated with myself was always a lie—my independence and strength lack nothing but the things i never needed in the first place.
You always point out every flaw dad Always reminding me of everything I do wrong You never cared how I felt dad Always comparing me to someone else I already know how stupid I am dad Believe me I’ve been told thousands of times That’s why I want to move away from you You’ve made me feel alone dad While still saying you’re my friend I cared but you didn’t That was my problem I accept responsibility for that But the hardest part about letting go is that I’ll never hear you running after me Deep into the cold
it has taken me 14 years of my life for those 13 words to escape my hollow mouth
the only questions i come to now is why why lock me in that room why take everything from me my innocence my purity my childhood
in that room where my family trusted you where i trusted you the night terrors i have to this day still haunt my mind
like a never ending drive in movie that plays over and over only the moon in the night sky isnt made to be found here there is no light in these terrors
i cant sleep this time of year because every time i do its you in that room locking the door shutting the windows ******* me yelling at me every single night i close my eyes
it has taken me 14 years to accept the fact that i was taken by you i have been numb ever since left in the dust rotting away at the core thinking i was nothing thinking i deserved nothing because you took everything
but not anymore i will recover from this i am strong enough i believe in myself i believe in my own happiness and i promsie that when i have children one day i will never ever let them rot at the core i will find happiness the darkness will not take over this time
I am the Epitome of Chaos Unpredictable Indistinguishable Incomprehensible The swirling stew of matter and energy in a bowl of Everchanging Everbeing Evernothing Always there but not close enough We can predict all, but the unorder, that which is Chaos