I’m free.
finally free..
from your hold on my heart
from your grip on my feelings
from your lustful looks.

I’m finally free,
from this hell we’ve called “love.”

You told me maybe..
maybe we could hang out
maybe we could hook up
maybe we could be together

You told me to wait..
wait until you were ready
wait until college settled down
wait until we got jobs
wait until we were closer

We hung out.
We hooked up.
I waited until college settled down.
I waited until we got jobs.
I waited until we were closer

Are you ready to be together?

I remember..
our first walk together,
our first talk together,
our first night together,
our first fight together.

I remember ..
Your first glance
and our first dance.

I remember..
My shattered dreams
and hateful screams.
Your negative expressions
and  obvious objections.

I’ll miss you, my dear.

I do not remember..
how we got here.

I used to think about you;
Did you think about me?
I used to miss you;
Did you ever miss me?

Weeks apart, dropped calls and ignored texts
I eventually got over you.
Did you ever actually love me?

Did you?

1 pill,
2 pill,
3 pill,
4.

The empty bottle lies
lifeless on the counter like,

the body of a best friend.

1 slice,
2 slice,
3 slice,
4.

Blood collects on the bathroom floor;
a red ocean of self hate.

The body of a best friend.

4 breath,
3 breath,
2 breath,
none.

Your family lost in confusion,
the student body wails.

Your friends don’t understand.
We never will.
Why?

I find comfort in the loneliness
and warmth in the homeliness
of the cave entrapping my heart.
Oh, babe, you played your part.

I drank you in and worshiped your words,
you tied me up, my vision blurred.
I was blinded by your “passion,”
a fatal attraction.

You said, “not right now.”
Well tell me then, how?
How much longer will you make me wait?
You said yourself, you could relate.

You peered into my heart and heard what it had to say,
you know I’ll wait until my persistence does pay.
Growing as friends wasn’t just fate,
I know you could be my true soul mate.

Until you make up your mind,
my feelings will remain unrefined.
This loneliness cannot fade
until the bed in which we lie is made.

I fear the darkness,
For in the darkness,
we dream.
When I close my eyes
Your face is all I see.
Permanently etched into my subconscious
I cannot escape.

I fear the darkness,
For in the darkness,
I remember.
I remember the warmth of your breath
and the taste of your lips.
I remember,
I cannot forget.