we sighed
so deeply
that the moon
shook
and the stars
rattled
and the night
trembled
to know our names

our tears stained the ocean
but they were really pearls

to be cherished
in an antique box

our sighs and tears
moving skies and seas

breathing fresh life into
the universe

You trace the lines
of my tattoos, gently,
and ask, softly,
for their stories

so I open my skin to you,
letting you see the layers
that I've buried beneath
black ink

you taste of ink and blood

and words that have been chased
with too much whiskey

but I will drink from your lips
until both our hearts

shudder like stars

till we are left, merely bones
shaking in a shroud of skin

It's five-thirty
when I walk
barefoot and
hesitant

eyes wide open
against the
dark

towards the place
I last kissed
you

I can hear
your lungs
lift and fall

lift and fall

like I fell
for you

I am wearing
one of your
shirts

it's sleeves hang
loose

I can almost
wrap them
around me
twice

my stomach
clenches and thinks
of breakfast

cups of coffee
and newspapers
to argue over

our kitchen is
bright and clean
red gingham curtains
like the ones
little girls

dream of

scrubbed wooden
table and chairs

each with a leg
that needs to
rest upon
a book

I'll pass you the
milk and sugar

smile into
my cereal
bowl

tell you where
you left you
car keys

stand in the
doorway waving
you off to work

I reach down
through the black-
ness

to where I think
your blanket
is

searching for the
soft corner of
warmth

my fingers touch
nothing but
air

my feet are
freezing

I hear the clock
strike six

and wake
up

It's five-thirty
when I walk
barefoot and
hesitant

eyes wide open
against the
dark

towards the place
I last kissed
you

I can hear
your lungs
lift and fall

lift and fall

like I fell
for you

I am wearing
one of your
shirts

it's sleeves hang
loose

I can almost
wrap them
around me
twice

my stomach
clenches and thinks
of breakfast

cups of coffee
and newspapers
to argue over

our kitchen is
bright and clean
red gingham curtains
like the ones
little girls

dream of

scrubbed wooden
table and chairs

each with a leg
that needs to
rest upon
a book

I'll pass you the
milk and sugar

smile into
my cereal
bowl

tell you where
you left you
car keys

stand in the
doorway waving
you off to work

I reach down
through the black-
ness

to where I think
your blanket
is

searching for the
soft corner of
warmth

my fingers touch
nothing but
air

my feet are
freezing

I hear the clock
strike six

and wake
up

I am sleepwalking through
the depths of your heart,

the ghost of you hanging
like a noose around my neck,

I am no swan, no, not elegant
as gracelessly I float,

from shallow river to sea,
white waters, wild tides,

forever anchored by your lies

your hunger for my heart
leaves me shaking

in a slow state of slow decay

from the over consumption
of sweetened words of love

you should have been more hesitant

wary of the destruction your passion
would cause

I try to remember the sound
of padded paw prints,
foxes chasing rabbits
underneath trees,
shedding their leaves
across autumn

the smell of honey
and lemon rising form
a bowl of boiling water

but I can't,

these fresh sheets
should remind me of forests
and old wives cold remedies

but instead, your hands rest
upon them, skin brittle and
transparent , as I place damp
cotton buds to your chapped lips

thinking only of winter
folding before us, electric blankets
that burn through
to my thighs

leaving red marks that spread
like sly smiles from the corners
of your mouth

when they took
the wires
out

You shatter
the silence
with your
smile

I run my fingers
down your
smooth bank

no imperfections
just imprints
of a lover’s
gentle touch

I hold my
head to the
side

when I
think of
you

and try to
curve my lips
into the
memory of
us

Smiling.

It’s easy enough,
a simple twitch at
the corners of my
mouth

but my mouth still tastes
of you, your rough hands
holding me still

we folded in on ourselves,
a house of cards threatened
by the slam of a fist

on a table, where we
shot daggers at each
other's souls

you knew the right words to say
and my defences were low,
no glass case to protect
my body from

their sting

but my organs rest inside
my ribcage, my lungs are save
from the fire of your tongue

and my heart beats against
their bars, pulsing, pulsing,
pulsing away from

you

I trace your name in smoke
as my cigarette burns down to
my fingers

I flick ash furiously away from me
because I will not find you
in embers

I miss the way you made my coffee
in the morning
The way you told me it was bad for me
yet you’d still pour

that thick black liquid, into my chipped mug
that I refused to throw away

I hope you find me, here
I am sitting under the stars we named
after each other

I will not move
until I feel your hand slice into mine
and the stars flicker

signalling a new chapter

I wake with a start at 4am
the weight of my past in my heart

I long to destroy -
cause destruction and chaos
to echo what they did to me

but I never do

I just sit behind another cigarette
watching the smoke twirl
and travel towards to sky

and I am jealous

for I wish to be as light and free
and spontaneous

as a smoke ring

at night
the gray whispers
of smoke that
weave like ghosts
from the end of
your cigarette
reach my window
and freeze on
the glass like
a handprint
that presses gently
through
my dreams

at night
the gray whispers
of smoke that
weave like ghosts
from the end of
your cigarette
reach my window
and freeze on
the glass like
a handprint
that presses gently
through
my dreams

You are the light that lingers
at dusk, pink skies blending
into the silhouettes of
ancient willow
trees

You are the taste of honey
in the morning, sweetly
kissing my lips, extracting
my dreams

You are the simple life
of wine and whispers ,
books read under a canvas
of leaves

You are the similes and metaphors
that make my own face
wrinkle and
cringe

The words that stick to my
teeth, and pull

You are me and,
sometimes,
I am you

We are the winter romantics

steaming mugs of hot chocolate
wrapped in striped sweaters

we find beauty in leaving our
footprints in the snow

trying to leave an imprint
of a hearts on the Earth

but Spring comes and we

thaw

We bask in winter’s glow;

watching the snow fall,
each white droplet filled
with the ability to heal

we drink hot, sweet tea
from steaming, striped mugs
each sip burning our tongue and eroding the bitter taste of last night’s arguments

Spring will come,
and the world will be reborn,
and our love reborn, too

but for now, we don’t need the sun

when the chill cleanses us of our harsh words, and the snow erodes our mistakes

People will gasp
when you show them
your heart

shocked that it still beats
beneath all of its bruises

let them wonder

let them stare

forever be a mystery

to unblemished mortals

as you fly, my darling
as you soar

I have tasted
air where wine
once was

sobriety, they call it

no more dancing drunk
and brainless

the battle of thought and
feeling

raging on

as they force feed black coffee
drenched in sugar

sweet, but sweat
like

I favour gin
with whispers of whiskey

my left leg shaking
stomach swollen

I feel my glands swell
swell, my eyes puff
out

my chest loosen as
my morals tighten

dissociated daydreams
fade and reality
sharpens

sobriety, they call it

the slow death of
knowingness

as a child, I drank
cherryade through strawberry
lace straws,

I remember the taste
of the first sugar
rush, innocent
and reckless

now, there is the morning
after, holding hands with
hangovers on commuter
trains

and in the bottom of glasses
and mirrors, truth shines

and although my drinks are
still red, the wine

reaches my heart, faster
and sits
in the place of
a lover

and the

crash

is no longer

cushioned

by something sweet

you will be someone else's, soon

someone will love you as if
you were made of diamonds

as if you were the silent whisper
of stars on a stormy night

but for now, I fit
in the crook of your neck

as if the shape of our bodies
were moulded into

one flesh, one heart

that beats out a pattern
of forgiveness and promise

you will be someone else's, soon
but for tonight

you are mine to hold,
mine to kiss
mine to touch

before the goodbye
lands like lead
on my heart

and you are someone else's, now

our nights are sprang sharing cigarettes

and drinking cheap, neat *****,
straight out the bottle

until the stars start to swirl
in mesmerising patterns

that keep us transfixed till the sun rises
and the new day beckons with endless possibilities

for lovers who have lost their footing
in this world

sea sick from its spin

desperate to belong to more than
each other

desperate to be part of something
bigger

than our swelled hearts, bursting with promises
of forever, and ever, and ever

Words that once twisted
on my tongue like dancers
now stick, like sugar, to my lips
sweet honey locks that trap
the fire that eats me from
the inside - a body,
a cage, that echoes
birdless in the night
as I sit smoking out
the nightmares that wait,
like patent lovers, for me
to join them

Word that once twisted
on my tongue like dancers
now stick, like sugar, to my lips
sweet honey locks that trap
the fire the eats me from
the inside - a body,
a cage, that echoes
bird less in the night
as I sit smoking out
the nightmares that wait,
like patent lovers, for me
to join them

sorrow sees us for who we truly are

our shame, guilt and secrets
can not escape its eyes

we cannot hide

like a burnt leaf falling
from a withered tree
in Autumn

sorrow lays us bare

unafraid to be vulnerable
and timid

it’s lion’s jaw opens in front
of the mouse of

our hearts

and we are consumed, complete
covered and

cocooned

What is necessary for the heart

cannot always be translated by the mind

we live in the space between what is

what we wish wasn’t

and what we long will be

We are picking through the
roots of flowers we have left
to die. Imagining there is
something we can salvage
from the chemical soaked
soil. But we are no experts,
and we cannot tell the
difference between a **** and
a stem. We are blind, hungry
children. Rummaging
through the grains of moon -
rocks that fell to Earth. As
they say that stars can only
shine in darkness, and that
planets steal the oxygen
from human lungs, but -
I am sure we will be able to
breathe somewhere. That
we will find a sparse,
unpopulated land with clear
air that heals, that spreads
through our bodies and sings
that we are home

my fingerprints unlock a world

of magic and mystery

when they brush lightly against your spine,

the curve is stunning, ancient architecture

that could take away my breath,

a sacred temple of wisdom lives at its base,

each vertebrae aches with longing

and lust,

but I only feel these things with my fingers,

my heart isn’t in it

The curve of your spine is etched

into the fabric of my memory

the arteries of my heart

the wrinkles of my fingerprints

and the words that catch in my throat

when I try to say

“I love you”

He could tell I wasn't real
somehow. That the space
between us was longer
that the length of his
arm. I talked less
than he did, yet he was
quiet and still

I was to go out
and find a (some)
body to build a house
with. But he is too
much of a person
to shelter under

I never wanted a
garden but I wanted
a place to lie,
to let the sun
lick my back
as I read

I read everything
I couldn't think or
say for myself,
especially to him

He is kind and
tender and
I'm not

It's getting harder to fill
the silences. For my words
to reach my mouth

and I am desperate
to be more than a
ghost searching for
a body to climb
into

He could tell I wasn't real
somehow. That the space
between us was longer
than the length of his
arm. I talked less
than he did, yet he was
quiet and still

I was to go out
and find a (some)
body to build a house
with. But he is too
much of a person
to shelter under

I never wanted a
garden but I wanted
a place to lie,
to let the sun
lick my back
as I read

I read everything
I couldn't think or
say for myself,
especially to him

He is kind and
tender and
I'm not

It's getting harder to fill
the silences. For my words
to reach my mouth

and I am desperate
to be more than a
ghost searching for
a body to climb
into

I wonder if we ever meant to let go,
a heart skipping beats, a record stuck on repeat

I wonder why we said it,
thought we meant it,
hoped we’d dreamt it

you get to be yourself completely
in the arms of another
only once

(if you’re lucky)

and we were lucky

so when we said it, meant it, dreamt it,
was it spite?

“goodbye”

spite
malice
an adult temper
tantrum

I am -
splintered

edges rough and sharp
to the touch

so that no one dare
touch

I am -
fractured

my heart cracked from years of
lies

my eyes stained from years of
trying

this splintered, fractured soul of mine
aches

longing for something that it lost
a memory of human connection

that it buried, like seeds

bitter seeds, from which no flower shall

grow

the ocean will always answer you, they say;
so I carve a spot on the beach to lie on and

                            listen                          ­    

the red wine is flowing between my lips
dutch courage for the things I'm frightened I'll

                             hear

the water is waking up, gentle and soft
it wraps itself a noose that nobody can see

                          except me

the rope belongs to an anchor. I am anchored to my
grief, for sure, and soon I shall be anchored to the

                         ocean floor

forever. A burial at sea, with no witnesses or mourners.
It's not lonely, for the ocean spoke to me.

                         It spoke to me.

You gave me a daffodil
now a single, shrivelled petal
resting in the palm of my hand
the forgotten promise of spring
weeping between my fingers

I remember its fragrance
something lost in the passage of time
like our love, my darling,
like our love

The first days of Spring are out,

I run through the woods
weaving in and out
of the trees

kicking up
green leaves
and the heads
of yellow flowers

I like to think that you're
still chasing me

one night you didn't
come home and I knew,
somehow, that you
were gone for good

we used to play
here, before
the winter came,

we'd sit for hours
reading each other

writing love letters
with sticks
and stones

my skirt catches
on a branch
and throws me
back, back
to that night
and I remember
that now it's
just me and
the trees
for company

A heart in Spring bloom
glowing as brightly as daffodils

I tread on a carpet of tulip petals
my eyes weeping sunflower seeds
each one containing a droplet of love
as my soul aches with the sun

and the bitter knowledge that flowers
have too short a lifespan

too short a life to stare into your stem green eyes
and quiver, like a clematis stumbling
on its climb towards

the sky

I have spent the hours of our love
listening to the waves crash against the shore
beating on my bedroom window, at night,
drinking tea from chipped cups
made with sour milk,
I longed for more,
I wanted to stretch my arms out
and devour the ocean,
let it’s power fill me with the strength
to walk away.
from only ever hearing the sound of the sea
through frosted glass,
and drinking tea that curdled in my stomach,
like my love for you has curdled,
I want the salt water of the wild ocean
to cleanse this bitter taste from my mouth,
let it consume me for it is all I want
to ride a wave away from this stagnant life

I am something of a stalagmite these days
ice has grown from where the water
has seeped through the cracks
of the cave of my bones,
growing ever more solid
with the advance of winter

There is a star
in the sky
I’ve named
after you

it blazes
in the midnight
carpet of deep
blues and purples

it burns
in my heart
when you’re not
with me

at night
I am never
alone

and we are
never apart

I have heard of people
tasting stars

and I wonder how their mouths
never filled with ash

I have cradled dying stars and
rocked them

as if they came from
my body

dipping my toe into the
waters of the universe

I am a child of flames
no cooler than the

sun

but I cannot taste myself
without surrending to

becoming that ash

we are stardust
scattered across the night
sky

our love as fickle as
midnight

hearts as cold as the
moon

we are all made of
particles

of memory

that can never
reoccur

Starlight

unforgiving to our hearts,
as we drink cheap scotch on the porch

the smoke from our cigarettes twirling,
twirling into the night

the thick, black night sky
stretched like an arm upon waking

and mine are always, always
reaching over to embrace

you

she was born
with starlight in her eyes

but could not see it
until he looked into them

You called it a race
to the stars, each one
bursting as we reached
its edges,  the whites of
their eyes becoming yellow,
sweeping the sky in
orange kisses,

and in those explosions
of colour and fire,
I realised that love
was chasing us

into nothingness

we spend our evenings
taking long drags of
expensive cigarettes
and shots of single
malt whiskey, oblivious
to the yellowing of our skin
and liver, you place your
hands over my hands
as I tremble in the cold air,
stretching our limbs towards
the sky,  as if we our
soaking in starlight

In the darkness there is;
the gentle glow of light from your cigarette
and the reflection of each other
in each other’s eyes

most people dance under the stars
but you and I dance amongst them

Our names are burnt
into the stars
like secrets
waiting to explode

My love for you is
intimated by the
stars, as I hold it
tight, against my
chest, the speed of
light carries it
away from me

You’re just a body
between me and the stars

an inconvenience
of flesh

a bundle of nerves
that don’t touch me
like lightning
anymore

and I don’t even
miss you

you’re just another
hopeless dreamer

but I don’t share your dreams
now my dreams reach higher

to the stars