Today has been a good day. I'm really happy about it. It's so nice out. The sun is out. The grass is green. I had pasta for lunch. I have no homework. I made my friend really happy. I watched Netflix in class. The movie was set in the 60s. I like the 60s. My friend is gunna be on the bus. So I won't be alone. When I get home I'm gunna eat pineapple. I have tie dye socks on. Today has been a good day.

I'm so cold it hurts to breath
My knuckles crack in the cold winter and start to bleed
The comfort that's in the dark and the cold,
I always feel that death is always nearby
I'm never warm anymore
I feel so empty
I've become so numb to the pain
That when I'm not in it
It feels strange
Death comes and goes everyday
And he's my only friend
The storm of sadness
That's always so overwhelming
Is starting to become calming
My hearts gone and
My mind hides
I'm an empty hollow shell
Is this really my life?

Today I'm sad. Today I'm upset. I wish I could just go back to bed. All I wanna do is cry. But if I cry someone is gunna ask why. Then I have to explain and there's some many reasons why. Misty fm them I don't want to get into. I just want Chinese food and to watch Saturday night live. But I can't. And that's the only thing that's gunna make me happy right now.  Holding back tears is the worst. Especially at school. I just wanna go to bed.

I had a dream last night. It was perfect. But I can't really remember it. Now that I'm awake it saddens me that it wasn't nor will it ever be real. I was with the boy I really like and he was holding me. Ands that all I really need right now because I'm so ******* emotional. I just need to held and told that everything will be alright. Is that to much to ******* ask for.

There's so many things I could be doing right but I'm sitting in history class with a douch bag of a teacher who thinks everyone is gunna listen to but really were all on are iPads not listing to him. But as I sit here and think when the hell am I gunna need this. I think about how many things I could be doing, but no I'm sitting here in this hell hole writing an essay on whether it was right for President Truman to drop the atomic bomb, which I couldn't care less about. It's so nice outside today. I could be outside laying in the grass looking up at the sky and the clouds, but again I'm here and not there. So I just have to **** it up and deal with it for now.

My bones Ach from the sadness
My mind lives off the madness
I always feel like I'm dying
But I can't die
And I can't go on because the sadness,
from missing you leaves me long gone
Now I'm all by myself and I don't know what to do
Should keep i on going or bid you adieu
Maybe you should just tie the noose around my neck and then pronounce me dead
Then cut my heart out my chest and rip it shreds
Just Go on and shoot me in the head the whole world knows I'm better off dead

Get the **** out of my head. Your all I can think of and I really wish you were in my bed. Holding me and telling me everything's alright. But that will never be because you don't even ******* notice me. I wish the thought of you would just ******* go. Just leave my head and let me go. But the thought of you almost brings me to tears please don't go.

I need to be loved
I need to be held
I need to be praised
I need to be kissed
I need to be hugged
I need to be with you
I need

Why you?
Why you out of everyone I see
Why do my eyes always wonder to look at you
The person I don't know and doesn't know me
I can't think of anyone else
And it almost brings me to tears to know
I can't be warped up warm in you're arms

I feel like I'm in a black hole.
The Loneliness consumed me.
I can't get out I'm stuck.
Forever alone.
To die.
All by myself.