I was laying in bed watching you move about the kitchen
We’d been apart so long
I didn’t even stop to think before I was on my feet and had my arms around you
My chin resting on your shoulder
Your sweet laugh brought a flutter to my heart as you asked if all the way across the room was really just too far
The pasta finished cooking and you left it in the strainer for an extra moment to sweep me up into your arms and tuck me back into bed
You saw the exhaustion in my eyes and knew what I needed even as I ignored it
You went back to the kitchen and as you returned to bed you pulled me back to rest against you.
We laid in bed and you told me to talk. Talk about anything I had felt while we’d been apart.
When I spoke of darkness, you kissed my forehead and reminded me you were there
When I spoke of light you shared in the memory
But regardless, with each new thought, you put a cold, plain noodle in my mouth.
I don’t know if it was actually that good
But from this moment forward
It’ll always be what I crave when I need you.

Tonight my I will pretend that my soul is not asleep on a beach in Zanzibar tonight.

As fiercely as I try to be present
I always seem to find my mind absent
but I never fail to find it
directly beside you.

Across the world,
I feel the red string tied around my pinky finger
pulsing with our unified heartbeat
gently trying to guide me back to you.

It is with a sort of despair that my tired body collapses once again into an empty bed
I hold the pillows I've surrounded myself with just a little bit tighter
knowing that across the world, when you fell asleep your last thoughts were of me

You are burned into my skin
With every brush on the shoulder from another
My mind freefalls into the comfort I know your comfort to be.
Always,
moments flow back into my mind of the warmth of your arms
your finger trailing down my spine
your hands wrapping my body around yours.

On our last day together,
you thought I was still asleep,
you wrapped one arm gently around me,
cradling me into your chest,
I could hear your heartbeat,
strong and steady,
and your other fingers traced the lines and curves of my body,
whispering sweet nothings into my hair,
finding peace with your body next to mine.
When I finally opened my eyes,
I woke in the way that leaves a glow in my chest for the rest of the day.
Your sweet smile bringing me back to earth,
your gentle 'good morning my love' bringing my smile to my sleepy eyes.

This body will never be beautifully at rest

I will always have to **** in my stomach to appear graceful
I will always have to lift my chin to slim my jawline
I will always force my collarbones forward
I will always lift my elbows to keep my arms from splaying against my body
I will always push my hips back to have that coveted thigh gap
I will always wear heels to define my calves
I will always cover my skin in paint and color
I will always force my hair to lay sweetly covering parts of my face
I will always cover the scars I gave myself trying to be beautiful
I will always
I will always
I will always

I will never be at rest.

Hand and hand we walked from a Pittsburgh Penguins hockey game
A place neither of us thought we'd be together
Down the streets of the city I held your hand the way that I always do–
A step behind you
my left in your right,
my right on your bicep,
and my head on your shoulder.

We walked into the hotel and up to the room.
I laid down in your arms
and we slept.
Even in your sleep,
you brought my body back to yours
every time I drifted away.

The next night I laid in your arms laughing
We tangled ourselves in the sheets

I wake up in your arms.
It feels like the first time all over again—
bathed in the gentle, golden light of the morning
my sleepy eyes open to see your gentle gaze.
We say good morning like we have a thousand times,
and you kiss me.
Kind and gentle, you bring me out of my dreams.

The soft cry from the other room
calls us to our baby girl
You go to bring her back to us,
but before you give me a kiss
and that unbelievable smile.
That smile
that makes me swoon like we are eighteen again.

You lay her down in our arms
the birds chirping through the windows.

For a moment I close my eyes,
I remember when we were eighteen
laying in bed
in room 1507 of the Fairmont Pittsburgh.
I was straddling your lap begging you to tell me about the dream you had.
You rolled your eyes and told me it'd scare me,
but I said do it anyways.
You told me that we were in Cape Cod
Wandering the streets.
Just you and me,
and our baby girl.
I laughed it off and pretended to be stunned
but deep in my chest,
in the silence of my heart,
it felt right.

When I open my eyes again,
I expect it to all be just a figment of my imagination.
But it's not,
you
and our little girl
are right there in front of me.
You're waiting for me to return to you,
and when you see I'm back.
You give me that smile.
One more time.

And I am home.

it is 12:04