The devil knocked the other day
(Or at least that's what I call him.)
He taught me that carnal hunger could be fed on any cuisine but never gave me my full.
I left all I believed in to follow him because he came when I needed someone and always does.
But when the devil knocked this time I slammed the door in his face.
He showed me that desire can be learned but that just taught me to look beyond him.
He showed me that love had nothing to do with pleasure but I learned that the only unique thing about him was the pain and disgust that he charged for his services.
The devil knocked when I had nothing but I'm learning to regain what he took from me in the first place.

There is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-*** winners.
it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.

-Charles Bukowski

Once, you told me I was your sun.
Once, we spent the sleepless nights that were stolen by our pasts borrowing time
Time to talk, time to cry, time to dream
All through the pinprick holes of a cracked screen phone that let me feel your voice and hear your heart
It was in those forums that we lay everything bare
Naked and unashamed, we approached one another in honesty and vulnerability fearing no judgement
Intertwined by the secrets that kept us together and pushed all those others away
Together we dredged through our dreams, no, not dreams, for dreams are bright and filled with joy and curiosity rather nightmares, for nightmares creep in the shadows of the night and display the worst of our subconscious  no, not nightmares, for even they evade you in the day. These were demons. Demons that did not leave you or I, Demons that followed us through the day and through the night haunting and menacing. A constant reminder of our imperfections
Yes, demons that is what they were.
Together we dredged through the demons that filled us.
And together we waged a battle.
A battle neither fearless nor brave but merely a battle to survive
And it was in those moments that You called me the sun in your darkness
But If I were your sun, the reason you breathed and lived. The source of your strength and your joy Then you were my moon
Reflecting, the strength which I bathed you in to get me through the darkest of times. To keep me resilient when my Pandora’s box dared to open dared to bring out the evils I kept so neatly tucked beneath the surface. Standing beside me when it did.
But I am not your sun
The sun does not forget to shine
The sun does not disappear or fade away
The sun is constant, day by day, always and forever.
The moon
The moon waxes and wanes.
It is half, it is whole, it is nothing
Covered in the strength of the sun, even at its strongest, it reflects a mere dim glow to that of its counterpart
So you see, you are wrong, I am not the sun, I am not your sun
You kept my darkness at bay and in your darkest night; I was but a faint globe of light
Two celestial bodies forever entangled in time and space, we are eternally connected
Yet now we find ourselves in an eclipse
With Iong shadows that have created a seemingly cavernous distance between you and I
Shadows that have left me dark and cold
For what is a life without the sun other than lifeless

Your body is so beautiful when not sectioned off by clothes that don't understand how to love a woman.

When you're free of them, you let down your walls and all of our problems with not knowing what to say or being able to show feelings melt away.

Your mouth is the most beautiful thing then because the different natural tones in your lips become more emphasized as if painting all those unsaid words.

In your full glory you are my exotic princess and no one could ever doubt that you are beautiful.

I want to drown in your curls and trace the marks left by the star-dust kisses sent down from heaven to kiss your beautiful skin.

Full, warm, moist, loving, trusting, communicating, all of these things I find in you without the costumes you wear to the outside world.

I fell in love with you more today because we broke the boundaries and I'll stay in love with you all my life if you could just stay naked, at least to me.

Even if we're covered with the quilt of life to the outside world, you've let me in an accepted all of me, never put those walls back up. Never put those clothes back on

Tell me why I still look at you.
Tell me why after all the pain I still think you look cute today.
Tell me why I want you to grovel and suffer, but mainly want you to still want me.
Most of all,
Tell me how to make it stop.