a strange series of events that don't make as much sense as we thought they would

i don't understand much -
i spend a lot of days obsessing about things i shouldn't
my brain running faster than an olympic gold medalist sprinting over hurdles -
diving through hoops -
of what could have been or should have been -
what could have made things different
what should have stayed the same
what unapolgetic thing did I say because I always say at least one

I need to start biting my tongue
or thinking about things that actually matter

compartmentalization, I haven't found out how to do that yet
I'm not quite sure if I ever will

save me from myself
so I can save me from you

It’s nights like these where we remember our roots

the rain comes down heavy like a weeping widow 
and the moon lays low in the shimmering sky

you never loved me
and you made me feel like i could never be loved
you made me feel unwanted and shameful
and i don’t really like to feel shameful

i used to feel that way and I’m not too fond of that feeling
im not too fond of shame because it haunts people
and even though its human nature
it doesn’t make it easier

you never loved me
and you made me feel like i was wrong
but i wasn’t wrong for having friends
you were just jealous
and i’m not fond of jealousy

you never loved me
and you made me feel pain
you made me feel bruises
you made me feel heartbreak
you ripped me to shreds

I never liked it when you hit me

The neighbors dog used to dance with elephants across the upstairs floor
but mainly sang with the birds that flew passed the fourth story window
while I slept
while I ate
while I showered
while I danced to my own tune

then I fell head first
into you,

and he stopped.

just like that - he stopped.
just like that - you moved.
just like that - I fell.

a lot of people take things too seriously
but I think those are the reptiles
the ones who conform

"life isn't all sunshine and rainbows" they said
I laughed skipping off into the distance
seeing rainbows from the blinding sun rays

it's hard to fathom the concept of
unconsciousness
or really, dreaming, as well.
well, because,

do we really understand a dream?

do we understand a nightmare?


do we underst a n d



I'm taking things too seriously,
usually I do not,
don't follow in my shoes.

on Tuesdays the clouds hang low
they rest just above the foothills
blocking the mountains

on Wednesdays it always clears up
the sun rays come out to cast
happiness upon bike riders
and hikers
and visitors
and kids playing outside
and lawn mowers
and puppies rolling in the warm grass

each day seems to get a little bit brighter
a little bit easier
a little bit happier

do you think the grass is always greener?
or must you disagree?