Sleepless dreaming -
Where slumber does not lead to
vision does not lead to
nightmare or wonder.

Unreal City -
Where each headstone,
covered in moss
and shrouded by fern,
sharply reads:
"THE HORROR!  THE HORROR!"
And those whose souls
still cling to their withering bodies
speak so placidly about The Buried:
"Oh, Mistah _____?  He dead."

Sleepless dreaming.
Where cities crumble into the ocean
and giants buckle at the knees, yelling:

"Shantih!  Shantih!  Shantih!
"Oh Lord, where is The Peace
that passes all understanding?"

The clouds reach their hands down
and cover the mountain peaks.
They call the Moon to reflect the Sun's light;
the fog glows a golden orange across the slopes.

In a dreamstate,
we are driving through Castle Rock,
the star brightly shining atop the granite anomaly.
He lights his pipe,
his hands swipe the match against the book like a maestro conducting a symphony,
and exhales the aroma of Philosopher's Blend into the thin Colorado air.

Many miles now separate
us, from the Rockies of Colorado
to the badlands of new Mexico;
but his smoke rings still
linger in the air, among the clouds,
that shroud the mountaintops.

He says to her, "goodnight." ("I never meant to hurt you.")
She walks away from him. ("You never hurt me; you shattered me.")
He begs her, "I hope you sleep well." ("I am sorry. Please let me put you back together.")
She continues to walk. ("I am a sinking ship. I am an earthquake. I am a falcon without a falconer.

I am beyond repair.")

Ever since birth, she's been your little song bird.
She'd sit on the foot of your bed and sing to you as you fell asleep at night.

Even when you're angry with her, she'll make you happy by singing you a song.

Even when you're disappointed in her, she'll gain your faith by singing you a song.

Even when you yell at her, she'll gain your forgiveness by singing you a song.

Even when you disagree with her, she'll compromise by singing you a song.

Even when she's battered and scarred, and broken and crushed by life itself, and is aching for the freedom she so desperately needs,
She'll always sit at the foot of your bed like she did ten years ago, and be your little song bird.

---round one.
shatteredinathousandpieces--
beatenbrokenbruised--
anxiety. plagues me
like a sailor's calling to the sea--

will this--
will he--
always plague me?

i pray my God can redeem my heart--
LORD, if this is right,
heal me.
if this was a wrong decision,
let me be corrected.
i cannot trust my own desires.

i am a ship lost at sea; i have no harbor
but my own Mast.

oh soul, how do you fare?
oh mind, why do you run?
does not all love cause pain?
do not all relationships unfurl into discrepancies?

reconcile me--
my whole life has been
a series of me following Your Call
& responding as a man called to his Ninevah.
though the voyage be arduous, there is always Reward.

---round two.
LORD,
gutmeopen & make me yours&yoursalone--;
i was meant for so much more than this turmoil--
redeem me--
make me yours.

---round three.
i am a convict to my Savior
& joyfully so--
may this river sweep me up
& cleanse me so

clean i can
not bear to see pain--
my breathing uneven,
only my soul remains--

my limbs so burdened
with bloodshed & stings--
from the pain of carrying home
too many things--

LORD GOD I SURRENDER--
i lash out against evil!
awaken my soul, LORD,
I NO LONGER TREMBLE.

this heartbreak will not break me,
these tears will not freeze,
for my soul finds rest in this peace--
**i'm REDEEMED.

there is a chasm in my chest,
occasionally,
when the earth feels too dense with hate
& when I begin to drown in it--

it takes my breath away.

I stop,
pull the moment back for a time,
remind myself that this,
this,
is fleeting.

in
     out
            close your eyes
                      listen.

*this is not permanent.

                                       nothing truly is

                                                                         but truth.

bushes,
you've beaten about them &
smoke,
you've blown--

you've circled your fist a few times to get to your
thumb &
you've tiptoed around&around;&around--;

[stutters&wells;&whatdoYOUthinks;&um;/um/umms--]

but the answer is still in the mist
of unnecessary cocktails &
dawdling moments,
misplaced emotions--

I'm just as confused as you,
& the mixtapes you've made
just won't do
this time--

because music can speak louder than words,
[if your words cannot be found in the first place];
but you've been searching for them
half as long as you've been searching for something else--

--that is--
                                                            ­                              --yourself.

**for just because I have found you,
doesn't mean that you have just yet.

lights shining down a dim hallway
illuminate the ghostly remains of
you—
still slinking about within
the deep recesses of my mind.

inhale,
clutch you tightly within my lungs
[I cannot bear to release you hastily,
for your appearances are far too rare,
our memories much too few].

the scent of musk & former ardor
lingers in my nostrils;
flashbacks of sweat & bourbon
radiate in my temples,
throb in my chest.

I pause:
distant cackling replaces
your former fervent whispers
as my true recollections reveal themselves
out of the darkness—

memories of torment
& deception
& vices asphyxiate me;
blood begins to seep
from scarred over wounds

& I remember
why you are
but a ghost.


*exhale.

Spring grapes die on withered vine
Wine of wrath flows bitter red
Isis' son seeks Babylon
Avenge by death the deed of Set

Along Euphrates course they fled
From march of madmen to the throne
And wine of wrath flows bitter red
Eagles flock to hawk by drone

Hung within a garden high
Black masks the march of death
Give new life to Levant's lie
And wine of wrath flows bitter red.

r~ 6/17/14

The fisherman tells the sea
that he promises to weather its storms.
The sea tells the fisherman
that she promises to carry him
to adventurous lands
upon her leeward waves.

As for me,
I promise we will be okay
as the winds blow the shingles
off our tiny, little house.
I promise we will be okay
as we follow the maps
and navigate the roads
while the radio sings static,
our hands clasped together
at your knee.

I promise that the rain
will radiate diamonds,
that reflect the gleam of your eyes,
onto the shores,
into the sea,
onto me,
and especially onto you.

We will find hope inside the clouds.