Today I finally decided to write you the apology you deserve
I'm sorry I cannot offer you all of me
My body simply will not give away pieces of itself
Nor will my heart
I am trying so hard to love you with everything
But every endeavor falls short
I'm sorry that I am a sad excuse for love
Selling only the promise but never delivering
I tried to tell you and I sorry I'm didn't
I've been trying to speak words I could not swallow
I am a double edged razor and you cannot hold me without slicing your palms
I am sorry for placing myself in your hands
Today I finally realized, how precious you really are
And I am sorry it took me so long

I was born August 11th at 10:58 am
Being born on this day, means I am a Leo
I read my horoscope religiously even though I do not even know what a zodiac sign actually is
I'm 5'5"
I couldn't live without green tea or coffee
And I'm a sucker for a boy with a nice smile and good posture

I am still learning how to speak up
I often keep my mouth shut when I'm expected to talk
And talk when I am expected to keep my mouth shut
My eyes are constantly scanning for possibility
My arms are reaching for experience
I do not believe most things unless I have tested it
Theories were never my best attribute to the conversation

I am a handful
Most people who have known me for a while warn other people to stay behind the caution tape
My life was never a pretty journey
I tend to make most of my problems bigger than they actually are but when people ask I say they are only small things that need a little tweaking

I am taken by my failures and astounded by my fears
I often wish I did not have any at all
Although, I do, I fear almost everything
I fear what I know
I fear what I don’t know
Secretly, I get really nervous when people stand close enough to hear me breathing
I am irrational and complicated
I apologize for things I shouldn't
And I often find myself wanting to cry but never allowing myself to because I see it as a sign of weakness

I am dangerous in the setting of love
The idea of it is so beautiful, but nothing that should ever belong to someone like me
I fall in love so easily
And also out
I love the chase but I do not know that to do once I catch them
I find that this is something I need to apologize for but never do

My name is Alexis
I love frozen yogurt
And laughing at my own jokes
Even if I am the only person laughing (which is most of the time)
I am insecure about my body, my personality, my laugh even
I smile even when I am not actually happy

My hobbies include:
Worrying about my future
Hiding behind a silicon mask
And waiting for someone to tell me I am beautiful without it

I sometimes lay down, not because I am tired or craving affection or  because my back hurts
I sometimes lay down, because I can hear my heart beat
so clearly when I do
I can almost see it bursting from my chest
I know God has something else for me
Because each and every time I lay down
My heart never fails to remind me, I am still alive
There must be a reason for that
I believe that there is a reason for that

We will have to keep quiet about this love
A love story never to be published
Never to be seen by anyone
Always closed doors and deleted text messages
Always turning off the camera
Always turning off the light
We will have to keep quiet about this love
Because not everyone is ready for it
Everyone except us

This is not a poem about you
So do not so much straighten out your posture
When your name arrives
This is not a poem about you
Or about how you make me feel
Though I would love to talk of it
As I could for hours
How your tender touch makes me shiver
How just being wrapped in you
I feel as if the oceans waves have crashed over
In the most beautiful way possible
It is a rush and it is calming and roaring
With oh, the desire to kiss you
But this is not a poem about you
It is not
About how the craving of lips
Never failed to occur after we dismiss each other
Or how at night the sound of your voice echoes in my head
I replay little moments where it looked like
You maybe, sort of, almost loved me
This is not a poem about you
Although, I wish it could be
I am sorry for writing too many
I am sorry for enclosing my writing to being
Only about you
This poem is not about you
Although, those that are
They are my favorite

Loving you is my favorite mistake
One I would never take back
Although I have kept up this act, that it wasn't a problem
I know it was a bad decision on my part
But I do not care
I will love you even more
Because our hearts never worked well with erasers
And I think that mistakes like these
Turn out looking a lot better
Than the way we're "supposed" to be
Kind of like changing the ending to a bad movie
You'll thank us later