For a long time coming I have known things weren't going to be easy
the genie isn't going to give wishes like it was candy on halloweens night,
every night I'd lay my head on my pillow and cry for about ten minutes
"it'll be easy soon, isn't it?" I'd ask myself convinced myself to go on
like a parrot repeating the same old song, I said "it'll be easy soon",
and come noon of the next day; I realised it had been a routine,
a living pattern of new scene each stained in the same old ways,
the same old days reliving itself in front of my eyes.

A few nights ago, I tried to **** myself and I did not die,
somewhere, something is keeping me alive and tomorrow
I'm going to stop trying, because trying to die was more exhausting
than trying to live. I made a promise a long time ago to keep going on
and that will be the path I am on.

I am choosing to try to be happy for this year
I'd fought my fears and I'm one new day into my life,
and tonight, I will try my best to invent dreams in my head before I sleep
rather than spent the time in a deep cry, because tonight,
as lights go off and my head hits the pillow, I will be thinking happy thoughts.

I love all of you.
I'm going to keep on going, each and every day.
Until old age rips me away from all of you.

Teacup, you probably don't know this but I'm fighting
trying to find a way to make you happy, to brighten your day,
but the lighting is out of place, and I've been facing demons alone.
Teacup, home is everything that's by your side, so don't try to hide,
please don't say goodbye because I'm running out of answers,
the question dances in my mind, how much more can I take
was I one of your mistakes, did I misjudge the situation I'm in.

Teacup, you probably don't know this but I'm fighting
trying to find a way to make you smile, even if it's just for a while
I would survive the wild just with the thought of your smile.
Everything positive I have felt, has started with meeting you,
so renew the starting hand we've been dealt and find a new way
to overcome the lightning, the clouds and the thunder.
Bring us closer under the spell of love.

Teacup, you probably don't know this but I'm fighting
but I'm losing you and it's scaring me...
I'm fighting but I'm losing you...

I shall meet the man when the time eventually comes
but run to the waves and soar to the seas is how I feel alive.
I've dreamt nights after nights of meeting him once again
but pensive thoughts kept me captured without sleep
and I lay awake with a myriad of promises to keep.
I will cherish the memories, the mistakes, the moments
holding onto each and every box kept open because closure
meant giving up and giving up meant not caring.

I shall meet the man when the time eventually comes
but run from what must be met is something I plan not to do,
I've seen dew drip on mornings of arid days and happy days
moulded together like clay.

I shall meet the man when the time eventually comes
and the sun shall rise as it has always done.

I shall meet my father at the end of my time
and maybe that day, we will play catch for the first time.

Hey, can I tell you something, it's something I've been hiding from you...
I do hope you get a chance to know whats hidden beneath my mask...
It's just so less to ask and so much to think, and I'm blinking the tears.....
away.
Hey, can I tell you something, it's something I've been hiding from you...
I wonder do you ever remember the ways I use to look at you, that smile,
that smile that kept me awake for nights on end...
Hey there beautiful, will you remember me when life decides to take me away...
it's been bothering me so, because I don't know how long left I have to go,
but I know , oh I know that I want you to know...

That you...are everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

So if the winds, break us up, and if the towers we build our love, just can't stay up...
I hope you know...

that you are everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

So no matter where I may be or no matter where you may go,
just smile because I know...oh I know...I'll be looking at your smile.

And if the gods won't let us be, and if the sky's decides to drown me,
i hope you know...

I love you every second from the first time I met you.

Show me a field that is filled with golden flowers
hours upon hours the smell of the grass elevates the scents
that seems to send passerbys into an overdrive of envy.
Lend me your hand so that my coarse skin is softened by yours,
the door to my heart is forever open awaiting your entrance
and the defences are fending off other fiends so don't worry about guard
because as hard as it is to trust, I've let my guards down a long time ago.
Show me that you can be the green to my gold
let us grow old but never grow up as we play like kids
let the bliss fill both our hearts as we unite together against the world.
Girl, will you find it in yourself to love me? ...as much as I love you?

You and I have shared words, shown the darkness, the light
and glimpses of bright coloured sky where the truth floats freely.
Though you can not see me, I have felt glimpses of your strength,
the length we've known each other has honestly been short
but thoughts to words, I have come to understand and learnt
that though the sun has burnt, there are moments where that star
wears a seared scar like any other thing that exists within this world.
The waves curl between the shores and the vast amount of water
and like an author you find ways to find words that fit perfectly.
There is certainty in my tone when I say that you will come to find
the gems and stones that blind those who chooses to wear a mask
like a buried flask filled with honesty and pure emotion.

I have been grateful in so many ways for your constant encouragement,
the words you flourish embeds itself into my mind as a constant reminder
to never give up writing like a spider that never gives up designing webs.
I've leapt in joy on numerous occasions to discover new poems of yours
and to learn behind closed doors what an amazing character you possess
only attests to how well you write. You've written diamonds in every line
like a diamond mine but with words.

It's a new year, happy new year.
The introduction of your story is up to how you choose to write it,
you're the writer, the painter, the artist behind the pathways you choose.
I encourage you to keep on writing, to never give up and to stay strong;
it's been a long journey and yet there is so much left unseen.
I've only been your friend for a short while, but I thank you for every moment.

I wish I knew
How not to be sad.
How not to be angry,
And how not to feel pain.

I wish I knew
How to be happy.
How to enjoy life,
And how to leave the past behind.

I wish I knew
How to trust.
How to love myself,
And how to forget the harm.

I wish I knew
How to open up.
How to fight the dark,
And how to get rid of anger.

I wish I knew that
Not everyone is nice.
Not everyone wants to be friends,
And not everyone is kind.

I wish I knew that
Not all things are free.
Not all love is real,
And not all hope is true.

I wish I knew that
Not everything is joyful.
Not everything is beautiful,
And not everything is light.

I wish I knew that
Memories don't fade.
That words sting,
And scar for life.

I wish I knew
That my skies wouldn't clear.
That my demons would win,
And that I would give in to the darkness.