I wish my mind was a padlock
I wish I gave you the key
So you can see for yourself
What's troubling me
Then you'd see the demons that are set free
Scary monsters, chasing me
My broken heart without defense
My crashing soul in need of help
After you've been there
I'm hoping you'll help
I'm hoping you see I break
And I melt
People say I'm a "*****"
That I'm "cold" and "selfish"
But maybe if I gave you the key...
You'd see what's hurting me.

I met this boy once
He was so very sad
He needed a friend
And for that I was glad
He confined in me
Every little secret to be told
He confined in me
What his heart could no longer hold
He told me he liked boys
And thought I would run away
But I obviously shocked him
When I told him I would stay
I loved him for sure
A companion at its best
The way we loved each other
Nope. It was nothing like the rest
He wasn't my friend.
He wasn't my best friend.
No he wasn't my brother.
And he was gay so no, He wasn't my lover.
Together weren't different people
It was one person in two bodies
Together we were better
No more bleeding cuts for me
No more aloneness for him
I told you we were better
But one day he had to leave
The world had scarred him too deep
They called him names
And asked him to die
He did as they wished and told me goodbye.
Next time you think of hurting someone...
Just think...
They may be leaving someone behind.

I'm sorry for all I can't say
But I'm just taking it day by day
I'm learning its okay to be down
That sometimes... I can wear a frown
I'm learning I don't need to pretend
That someday I'll say "way back when"
It hurts me then
Oh it hurts me now
But darling I'm learning to be proud
I'm learning to be proud of me...
And all I am.
Its only now I understand
Loving me...
Isn't all that bad.

Here's my secret.
Please listen well...
Please don't hate me...
And please don't judge.
Its already hard to tell.
I'm a solider at war
I get cuts that leave me raw
I get bruises that swell
Does this ring a bell?
I act all happy...
When sometimes I'm not.
My eyes are crimson red...
From being so bloodshot.
I cry and cry
For reasons I can't tell
I hate myself some days
It puts me through hell.
So please excuse me if I'm rude...
Or pushy...
Or mean...
I'm just trying to make sure...
You never go through the same fate as me.

I was sitting on my bed...
Just like everyday
Except today I'd made a plan.
To **** myself because to me...
Earth is nothing but barren wasteland.
But I'd miss him
I'd miss the way he makes me smile.
I'd miss his laugh
And the way he makes living worthwhile
I'd miss his protection
I'd miss speaking his name
I'd just miss him over and over again.
I'd miss my friends
How beautiful and true
The way they think I'm splendid
The way they believe in me like no one else I know
Oh and my family
The cause of my pain and joy
I'd miss them all...
Even for a second...
I know they'd miss me
If I were to fall.
So as I sat with my razor...
Blood rolling down my hands...  
I thought 'let's do this... Let's give life another chance'  
I've been clean for weeks now.
That's my secret in shell.  
Its a secret...
And when I'm strong enough...
I'll tell.

She cried.
She dies.
She's broken inside.
How much longer?
How many days?
Before she gets to end the pain?
She doesn't mean it.
She doesn't like to cry.
But what should she do?
What should she say?
All she knows is happiness doesn't stay.
She tried to smile.
She tried to sing.
But no one knows the tune...
So they weren't listening.  
She told them to listen.
She told them to hear.
But they broke her sprit.
They caused her fears.
Was she too fat?
Was she too thin?
Was she too ugly?
Can she ever win?
They said he pain was just for show...
But when she hung herself emotionally...
I wondered how they still didn't know?
Did they know she was hurting?
She didn't know they cared.
They were too late now.
Her sprit was crushed.
She just gave up.
No matter how hard she tried.
It wasn't right.
All she dreams of is dying...
Where's the light?
She gave up because it wasn't enough.
Its never enough.

My life is like a story.
My life is like a book.
Just open it up
Just have a look
But there's just some chapter's....
I'd rather not see
Because they're too painful...
Painful for me.  
It hurts because I wrote them
I know its my fault
But if you read inside the lines
You'll see my heart is a volt.
It's bolted up safely
Away from harm  
Its tucked away quietly
Now I'm not alarmed.
These chapters are safe from prying eyes
These chapters are safe from lying tounges
But they're not safe from me.
From my juding eyes
From my casting stares
From my insolent cries
Withering about disappear
I'm disappointed in myself.
But this kind of sadness...
Isn't good for my health.
So when you look at my book
Please don't judge.
This book is my book...
From a broken heart...
Filled with love.

I didn't say no to hurt you.
I said no to stop hurting me.  
Didn't you see all the things I did for you...
Were causing me pain? Causing me grief?
Did you know that at 1am when you were in bed...
I was plotting how to clean my own blood as I saw red?
Oh, and I said no because for every time you made me cry...
There's a scar that reminds me why.
And my personal favorite was when,
You broke me in half and I picked up the pieces... Again.
I could never hurt you.
Nope. Never.
That's why I left babe, honey, sugar...
I left because I know how it feels to be broken.
I left because I know how it feels to love someone with all the broken pieces of your heart.
I left because I can potentially hurt you...
I left because hurting you doesn't seem so bad.

I've been down lately.
Can't find a way out lately.
I've been lost lately.
Loosing it all lately.
I've been crying lately.
Because I'm too mad lately.
I'm choking lately.
Cause of my deep hole lately.
I've been hard to reach lately.
I've been hard to teach lately.
The reality is lately...
Lately I've been sad.

Its all good when no one knows.
Its all good when it doesn't show.
Its all good when the tears you cry...
Are covered up with mindless sighs.
'I'm fine'
'I'm okay'
These are the lies we tend to say.
People see you happy.
But is that how you feel?
They say it will pass...
But for now its real.
Cause the things in your head
Stay there instead.
Its the thoughts.... The thoughts that ****.
Yet we still smile with all our will.
So next time you see someone smile...
It would be worth your while
To see if they're really okay.
You see a smile can go both ways.
Sometimes a smile....
A smile is as good...
As the weakest cry for help.

You don't know me.
You wouldn't even if you tried.
You don't know me.
You haven't seen the tears I've cried.
I've been so strong...
For so long.
I just want to give up now.
Not even my loved ones know this secret.
But I'll tell you just this once...
Sometimes its not the heartbreak that burns.
Sometimes its not the person who hurt you.
Sometimes its not the memories you left behind.
Sometimes...
Its when your drowning in the deep
Begging for help
Pleading for release
Then no one notices.
Not even the ones who say
'I love you'
But the funny thing is...
I bet now that you know.
Things will be the same.
I'll walk around with a heavy heart and bear the pain.
So I was right.
You don't know me.
Even if you tried.

Isn't it bitter sweet...
All our memories?
The way I loved you but it wasn't enough.
The way you hurt me and all for fun?

Wasn't it bitter sweet
On the cold December day when I told you I cut...
To take your pain away.
But out of my memories my favorite was when...
You broke my heart in two because you knew I needed you.

Oh and wasn't it bitter sweet
When I finally said its enough?
When I finally had to leave...
Because my heart was broken too rough.
You pulled and pleaded...
Told me to come back...
But when I didn't...
You used it against me.
Wasn't my shattered heart enough?

To put it plainly...
Our whole relationship was bitter sweet.
But the last time you made a wound...
It cut far too deep.