Sitting here..******* here.. time to get off this ***..
***.. the drug.. ***.. the seat
Cold pad.. hard pad..
Pad with heat...
Just does not matter..
It's all the same..
This big ring on my ***.
Toilet seat to blame..

Still sitting here..on seat with pad..
Wishing your love didn't hurt so bad..
Ha..
I must really want this..
For years.. this is all I've got..
Knowing now what I need to do..
Take a big fat ****..and get off this ***...

It's Thursday, the 9th of July, and although you've gone a day
I feel so inspired to write this to you, there are things I have to say...
For real, I feel from deep within, these things I share with you...
don't think I'm typical or like the rest, what I say is felt and true...
What may be words of blah blah blah, blah blah blah, I love you,
blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah need you..
those are simple words of sheep, but sheep I do not follow,
I speak of words only from my heart for we may just die tomorrow...
and if tomorrow never comes and my voice you  never hear,
I want you to hear me inside your head .. now as these words appear...
#1 in , in all my years of fourty-five, the likes of you seen twice
I know so little about a love.. this letter is not advice...
I will not bore you or make you believe that this kind of behaviour shall follow
but if i shall never see you again, you need this today.. not tomorrow..
Someday, now, later, next week, you'll have a soft moment of silence
and in your head you'll hear a voice that whispers to you so Giant,
you'll feel a touch, a breeze so gentle, upon your arm, your leg, your face...
it is from me, my thoughts of you, so powerful, so loud, with grace...
oxymorons, whispers:loud, powerful:gentle, but true
opposites attracting, proven here, in these words I say to you...
to send an emotion, such this strong feeling... the sense of myself touching you...
so far, so long, a distance compared, to me touching the moon...
is powerful, is real, and can you feel,  right now, me touching you?
I know you can, I can feel those touches coming from you...
I have tried to learn to allow my heart to allow my love more love,
from everything he is surrounded by .. because well.. we all need love...
and to deny my loves ~ more love ~ more love, I'd be stealing like a thief in the night
you should get as much love as you can get, we deserve love in our lives..
It was so hard to accept that my love may be getting his love from someone else,
but I could not control all happenings in a 24/7 realm...
all I can do is know one thing, and on this, I don't think twice..
I loved my love as much as I could and never sacrificed
one minute of happiness, from my own, sometimes, dramatic life...
If someone can love my love more than I, than so happy I shall be
for you only live once, you should only get as much love as love can be...
I felt your love, so gentle, so strong, so soft, so loud.. for me
and if I never ever hear from you or your face, I never again see
I'll remember that feeling.. that moment.. of time.. when  it all was given to me...
So sad to me.. the distance... our lives, could be  a true catastrophe,
if I were so selfish, and so cold hearted, that I just couldn't see
that you deserve so much love from everyone.. and not just love from me
for you only live once and who should live in such loveless misery...
That breeze you just felt, that kiss on your lips, that whisper through the tree,
that touch on your leg, your shoulder, your arm, right now.. my love.. from me..
And when I go to sleep at night and whisper inside my head,
goodnight to you, sweet dreams to you, and laying in my bed
I'll know when to you, traveling so quiet, my feelings and more words said..
I will feel the imprint of your body, the kisses upon my head..
the taste of your lips, the strength in your presence, I will have you in my bed...
and there we will be, just you and me, for another moment in time,
and again I will have you all to myself and so selfishly I'll imbibe
for tonight you are mine and I shall give you all the love I can...
I am your forever woman.. and you my for always man...
Forever you will have all of me, whenever you may need
I will never not love you, not for one minute, you are everything to me..

Time does not aleve this pain
only strength of a broken heart gained
i will feel tomorrow as if again today
the pain of that death still feels like yesterday
and my heart a little weaker from strain
flow from the vision, my sight, this rain
nothing will ever bring him back again
in the night, like a thief then killed him after driving him insane
never seen my paternal creator sick or in pain
if i never have to remember his death again

but that just can't be and now I know...
i will never ever again . . . be the same

Time does not heal all pain

Nov. 1943 - March 2012 I miss you poppy!

The last poem ever written about love
------------------------------------------------------

You'­ve seen them all
you've seen them before
love poems written
thrown out the door
I used to write the most beautiful stuff
full of imagery
full of lust
one line once written to someone..
he looked at me and frowned
some months later jumped into the ocean,
couldn't swim.. he drowned
the line was stolen from another song
if you know the words feel free to sing along
"you can't always get what you want,
but sometimes .. you get what you need....
and for this I suffer,
I am suffering, indeed.."
Other memorable quotes of
lost loves past
"how did you take my ugly crescent moon
and make its' beauty last?"
Another ironic one.. dogs rolling in their own mess
and something about the touch of others..  and me
pretending it is your caress..
It seems all the poems I have ever written
could be related to you
but i would never compare my love of others
to the love I have for you..
We are all so individual..
so different... so unique..
If I were not with you in love..
those old poems' words
I'd tweak
But my love of a lifetime
deserves better than tweaked
melodies float through my heart
heart pulsates... stomachs weak
The middle, the center,
of this .. he hears me speak
i wonder if he really knows
the havoc that this wreaks
love to some is only a game
and more power to the players
from what i know, what i feel
this love is not for haters
only for the passionate
the serious, the true
i have never had such loyalty
for anyone but you
but hence .. the old saying certainly rings true
about good things coming to an end
i can't help but to only feel blue
these are the saddest days of my life
the tears so freely flow
i feel like i've been through the wringer
i feel i've taken the biggest blow
but not only to me, i will survive
it is my heart that took the punch
from here on out, til death do i part
my love for others..
is out to lunch
you are the last to receive
what i perceived to be love
even if i did it wrong
nobody gave me the nudge
nobody told me or even clued me in
to heaven or hell i go with that..  my good maybe more than my sins
i love you jerry with all I have..
Never.. did I NOT
"if we keep doing what we have always done, we always get what we've got"!