sinking low, layers of consciousness drifting away softly
you slip in between, fragments of this half-forgotten face
aren't you tired of flying around me, my strange?
when i gradually grow defenseless, lampshade turns sunset crimson
darkness thickens with yearnings outside, on the lane

my senses are heightened but i am senseless,
and dull are the days since i lost you again, i have been grieving for nothing,
(you became me, and i wished not to be left by myself)
and no matter how far i go you are remembered
in hours when i grow defenseless

my cheekbones are defined, i look more of a strong-willed woman
than a mad girl in love who parted ways with me once and all
but still we said this to the thin air: make me happy again
i wished you could hear this and i felt vapid,
i only have myself and it will be enough, and not enough

take me back into the holy room, where you and i had each other
and you were enough for me but i wasn't for you, we're lovers still
if we must part then i wished it was of my will
but a creak of a toad brings me back to life here
kicked out of heavens in clouds, there's a hole in heart, and will always be

tossing and turning, i touch my face with my unarmed hands
(these were once yours too)
i thought you might forget and never knew missing yourself
(i hoped you'd be back, i hoped you'd look back)

sing or read, we play to **** time
you want to go through the day
when you have time to miss me
sing or read, and the game is just silly

take this rule:
we don’t even need to tell nobody when it begins
just like a gist of feeling, you just know it,
also when it ends, you know it ends
(and i quietly hope you won’t go when it does)

how come you read my mind, or so i imagine it,
blue is the color of the shirt of the man i love
sing i said, i laughed and won,
long live our love and reign

do you think you will remember these days?
you have to look it up on google and it’s nowhere
sometimes i look at you and wish you’d listen and understand more, like i hope you’d be - a man in mind

i said it’s a read, i thought you lost the game
(you lose the game and i’m the one who feels defeated)
and you say, it’s just a game
and i think you’d forget these days

in that dream you were miguel and i was mariah
we're riding down the town over ninety-nine,
enveloped in the dark, black was the night,
you faced the winding road without fright

starlight, oh starlight,
beyond these temporal distortions and glaring windows
have we plainly met? supposing past lives were true,
were we made out of the same timeline?
maybe we’re old and married, maybe you’re a friend of a friend

look how i thought that over, like a sundial
where are we going? i inquired while i was holding you from behind
it’s the sound of raging winds against us for a reply
you were speeding and seeming to forget i was there
or i was there all along, only alone

miguel miguel, don’t make me look back
i closed my eyes and i pretended you too thought this way
i let myself own our time while it lasted, you and i,
although you didn’t know me, i didn’t know you,
out of question was the future, but always wanting it to be true

and so i held on tight to the roads covered in gloom,
the stars would go out before i forget you

i have been living with loss
i have been living with loose ends
once i thought i was deserving warm, thoughtful closures,
unfortunately, i am blessed with a tough mind and frail soul,
and i have learned to be quiet and live without closures down the road
if anything, they don't do much to me

and i thought i have been missing some people in life,
why do i always long for people who hurt me the most?
and why do their imaginary gazes are fixed on me in a long stare?
these people come, and go, leaving trails, engraving holes,
leaving me a porous sack of bones, thin and fragile-
i was a daisy-fresh girl, and they
chose to close their eyes and left

these people left, and unfortunately, i'm grown
i've been living with any joy i could find along the way
now i stand above myself, the former daisy-fresh girl,
looking down and i know better, that i don't want them
i was angry, in fact, enraged, and that displaced girl
had no means to protect herself but wept years in silence

she was angry and hurt, and i am now,
but i am reclaiming my place,
the place that they robbed, the voice they have silenced
she didn't want them nor ever need them,
it's their imaginary eyes that watch over her all these years
that she, i, hard to let them go
because it's the way that we're so used to live with
but i am trying, we're trying

i wish we could try more coffee shops in town together as the night falls

i wish we could see more sunsets together through the blinds of your windowpane

i wish you could stay longer with me to see me grow and bloom- i'll make you proud, i promise

i wish we could talk more and muse about dave grohl or john mayer or poems or art

i wish you could stay longer, long enough to see me getting into nirvana, and you'd laugh at me for crying at kurt cobain's home recordings

i wish we could wake up to each other every saturday noon

i wish i could taste beer and cigarettes from your lips again

i wish you could stay longer to see how beautiful i dress on saturday nights

i wish i could see you getting better for yourself, no longer hold onto thin strings that haunted you all your life

i wish you could come back and make me feel safe and secure, like finding friends we've lost along the way

i wish you could run and chase me on that sidewalk, preventing me from falling out of love

i wish you could be kinder to me

i wish you could love me

i wish i never met you on a hot day at the railway station in the south of the city

i wish we could see more of a world together

i wish we could be right for each other

i wish i could understand you better

i wish we could stay together so i don't have to write elegies

i wish we could be together someday

i wish we could be in love again

i wish we had more time

The ocean of dreams
  
The old man was still in his bed; someone said, is he dead?
No, not yet he says I dream of seagulls flying over the ocean.
Once I was a dolphin, my sons and daughters live there,
Now they are in the bay of Cascais, waving for me to join them.
They need a father figure.
Years ago, he swam ashore, and kind people gave him a suit.
Now he walks like Hercules Poirot, small careful steps.
He dreams of the vast ocean he knew so well, swam alongside cargo ships.
It was a fun time but not a place to write poetry.
My dear children, he says, I will join you later when I write the poem.
Of everlasting love.
Is he dead?  Someone whisper, no, he is only dreaming of the sea.
He knew so well.

midnight diamonds, winds in the south, sun traveled southbound,
    you see, you lingered in some subtle guises when you’re mine, yet you’re gone.

   the stars stud my heavens, hot and flickering, the wind embraces me - these spark some painful thoughts i never told anybody. these remind me that somewhere out there i too reappear in your mind for a while, and this is when i beg the most:

for you never to forget my gentle feelings, and my timid cold fingers.
    i know at best i could be only your afterthought, my dear, and i am learning to live with this, i am learning to live with this fact that you’re letting me slip away.

         you’re with me ‘till this ends, ‘till i have transcended the agony of naive wonderfulness. and i can live with your ghost, these ruins of relics. you’re with me, my sweetheart, ‘till i’m mended and be brave enough to open up to a new soul.