I want him to have a beard.
I want him to read.
I want him to feel the weight of words on his chest.
I want him to always feel his heart skip a beat when I tell him I love him.
I want him to know the value of ‘I love you’.
I want him to be educated.
I want him to look through things.
I want him to overlook superficials.
I want him to be tall.
I want him to be sportive.
I want him to be well built.
I want him to take care of himself,
I want him to take care of me too.
I want him to worthy his family.
I want him to put God first.
I want him to have ambitions.
I want him to feel comfortable with me through silences.
I want him to be home, my home.
I want him to have black hair.
I want him to be social.
I want him to be proud of me.
I want him to have brown eyes.
I want him to make me believe in forever.
I want him to appreciate the little stuff.
I want him to make me feel safe.
I want him to give up his soul to singers singing their sorrow.
I want him to value the little things.
I want him to wear tuxedos.
I want him to wear dress shirts and ties.
I want him to find comfort in pain.
I want him to despise smoking.
I want him to see that enjoying your life is beyond partying and getting drunk.
I want him to keep his promises.
I want him to see women as equal to men as 1 is equal to 1.
I want him to like kids.
I want him to be committed.
I want him to understand the emptiness I feel inside,
I want him to fill it.
I want him to be brave.
I want him to be protective.
I want him to not be ashamed to cry.
I want him to support me.
I want him to get along with the people I love.
I want him to be the missing piece that completes my puzzle.
I want him to be my source of peace.
I want him to hug me tight, and never let go.
I want him to want me.

Or maybe I don’t want any of those things, maybe I just want him to fall for me and catch me as I fall for him too.

anxiety is a flood
it comes in slowly
but suddenly drowning  me

it is a constant tapping pencil
beating in an irregular beat
frantically accelerating in speed

it is a small room
filled with boisterous people
gradually engulfing me

anxiety is a breath of fresh air
refreshing  as I take a breath in
satisfaction as I exhale

My hands hunger,
Tired of holding themselves.
Of aching emptiness,
that permeates the metacarpals, the cuticles, and
especially the palms, where lines lie in wait
for another artist to trace them.

I blush far too easy. Oh, I fall easy too.
2. Aha! Being short is quite okay.
3. Oh My, I hide behind my hair & hands if my cheeks go crimson.
4. A little thing I always do: I kiss my teddy-bear Good-bye before       I leave my bed.
5. Most people, no everyone has something to teach me.
6. A fact: I am blessed. I should never ever let that slip away between my fingertips.
7.Never give up.
8.Decisions. Decisions. Decisions. You have to make one.
9.A quote I adore: "The Soul is dyed by the colour of its thoughts."
10. Hair is often unconsciously twirled in my fingertips.
11.Eeeek!
12. I Look funny when I daydream.
13. Let the people you truly adore etch their names on the edges of your heart. There, they cannot never truly be gone.
14.Oh my goodness, isn't he a sweet-heart?
15. ! You've got to be brave. Don't let your lips be bitten back by those hesitating, silenced words.
16. Stories like ours don't quite end. Not yet, anyway.

If we existed in different dimensions
I would be the one that failed to be anything extraordinary

I would be the one that cared too much, and trusted too easily
The one who swore she wouldn't become this way
The one who let herself go, and winced at the pain of the world crashing on top of her

I could have been so much more

Maybe this dimension is too much for me
Perhaps I would be better off not being here at all

If I had a time machine I would always set it to the same date, August 3rd, 2012.
To that sunny afternoon when I was oblivious of who you were,
to the exact moment when you casually came out and opened up a beer.
I wouldn't change a thing, I'll just relive the couriousity I felt towards you and how nervous I got when you sat next to me.
I would go back and try to figure out why I decided to stay up all night with someone I had just met
                       and I would do it all over again.
I would still show up the next day to my 24-hour shift without a minute of sleep because I knew then I had hit a breaking pioint,
                      where there was going to be a different me before and after you.