he grabs my hips- and I'm by his side
he traces my skin- and I'm shrinking inside
he tugs my hair- and I'm convinced this is love
he bites my neck- and I'm high above

purple & dark blue
when I close my eyes,
ache and regret
when I tell them the lies

why did I let him
convince me
he was worth my time

why did I let him
touch me
cold hands marking every inch of me

why did I let him
see me
his crystal blues watching my every move

once i was in love with a girl.

she was as fragile as a snowflake,
and as strong as the howling wind.
when she danced her hair became the waves,
and her eyes lit up in green like grass.

five years ago i was in love.

i called her my girl, echoing across the air.
she never really heard me.
instead she only left me her fingerprints,
engraved in my skin.

the snow melted,
the wind subsided,
and the echoes faded.

i never knew her name.

She came into the class
Scared and confused
Perhaps tired and sick
Of wearing her mask…
Disgusted, she said,
“A boy stuck his tongue out at me!”

I looked her over
Up &
Down
And very care
-fully did I see

That her very tiny skirt
Rested way above her knee

Did this girl,
really, not know?
That her body will beckon? And she ain’t 12 no mo’!!

That she is—
In fact,
No longer a girl
But woman of curves: a woman of nerve
Who must take on the world
And everything that it serves?

So for the rest of her life,
Wherever she goes
She will see the tongues of men
Both young
& old.

No matter what
She does
Or doesn’t
Know

She’ll be pinned up against
The urges they possess.

Through no fault of her own,
She’ll become an object
to discuss
And she’ll cringe daily
At the ideas that
They thoughtfully
conjure up.

12/30/2013
I Met the **** Hater

Have you ever seen someone so beautiful
that you felt like crying?
Have you ever felt so utterly Disgusted by someone
that you wished they were dying?

Do you think I feel gay guts and gayness in my genes?
Or did society manufacture me - one of their gay liberal machines.
I'm not sure which is better,
Either  way you'll make me a martyr.
But I'll be your Hester Prynne baby
with my Big Gay Letter.

I cannot erase
that look on his face.
when he told me **** ****, Go Away.
I'll punch you in the face just for being Gay.

A separation of message and mind.
Hateful judgment is not hard to find.
When I stand in the shower,
or sit down on a park bench,
I'm a **** to him clear as gay.
It's like he thinks I ate some magic flower.
My girlfriends don't fare much better - to him called a bar *****.
This guy is the part of society that makes being gay scary to say.

He thinks Gays making out in public can't be allowed.
He thinks Legalized gay marriages should be disavowed.
He thinks Animal ***, *******, and ****** are because of gays.
He thinks Gay **** between two women might be more okay.
He thinks *** should **** more gay people.
He thinks Criminalizing ****** would make things more equal.
He thinks Adam's choice of Eve or Steve is all that matters.
He doesn't care about myself, or your heart's fragile rathers.

This man is the **** Hater.
Not a rare breed at all.
He could be your waiter,
or your teacher,
maybe even your sales assistant at the mall.

I Met the **** Hater,
while I made out with a guy at the bar.
The **** Hater was kinda old, yet strong and tall.
But I didn't fall
down.
or become dehumanized.
When I caught a glimpse of his face
and saw that utter look of Disgust
that I just cannot erase.
I saw it in his face - the **** Hater's
'**** Hate.'