and when you're bleeding out,
becoming an addict and an insomniac,
the rain is a salve to your brokenness.
it will chill your bones and soothe you,
will become your tonic and your medicine,
it will sing you to sleep when there's no one else.

there's something about a wet road
and a dark sky
that puts you to peace, and takes the graveyard out of you.

there's something about lightning
and thunder that shakes your bones
that takes you out of hell and puts you back on earth.

with menace and terrifying power,
the sky yells at you,
not in the same way a person does,
but its yells and screams put a quiet in your soul,
to where you can whisper back to the sky,
          "it
           is
         well"

*(a.m.c.)

Today you were born.
Thank you for being here.
For being alive.
Making it through another year.
It does get better.
I promise.

I can’t say I Love You.
Because I don't.
But there is someone who does.
Perhaps more than one.
It’s okay if it’s just mom.
Or dad or brother or sister.

If you cut please don’t do it again.
I will tell you what I told my sister.
Put the blade to your wrist.
Hold it there.
Don’t move it.
Keep it there ‘til you aren’t upset anymore.

If you think about ending it all tonight.
Or possibly tomorrow.
Don’t.
All the events that led to this “solution”.
Write it all down.
And burn it.

If you have a broken heart.
Don’t pick up the ice cream.
Or any weapons.
It isn’t worth gaining weight.
Or the physical scars.
Curl into fetal position and cry a lot.

Don’t cry for too long.
Get up and look at yourself.
Say “It will get better.
I won’t cry for the same reason”.
Repeat until you believe.
Promise me.

If you lost someone dear.
Don’t hold it all in.
It will become too much.
Like waiting too long to ***.
The mess is horrible.
The smell: pungent and nasty.

Seriously though.
Mourn but don’t get stuck in the moment.
There isn’t a time frame for healing.
But don’t let grief to be the only emotion left.
Stand and move forward with them in your heart.
The ones still here need you.

If you are happy.
Truly happy.
Not with the material things.
But with your state of mind.
With your values and virtues.
I applaud you.

Don’t let them slip free.
You have strength so put it to good use.
Lift the others who deserve it.
Don’t waste your time with idiots.
But I can’t force you to do anything.
Do what you will.

I will never be enough of a man
To dowse my saffron robes
In cold gasoline and set it aflame
In buddhistic conviction--
My dreams would scamper
From my burning head to find another,
My flesh would crack and burn
Like old parchment
In rough palms.

I will never be enough of man
To eat buckshot out of
A hollow cold steely gun
My mouth wrapped around the
Reaffirming thickness--
My eyes would dart and then close
My ears would ring and then collapse
Like an old building
Consumed in flames.

I will never be enough of a man
To wrap a rope round my neck
And stare blankly ahead
To seize the day
From God's hands--
My face would bulge
My limbs would twitch
Like a dying rodent
In the throes of cancer.

I will always be enough of a man
To kiss your lips
With my own and feel
Your curves in my hands
And look at the sun--
My trembling hands falter
My eyes can't see to feel for you
Like a blind pianist
Playing the blues.