Just the other day I walked into high school an awkwardly trembling, anxiously perspiring freshman. But today I curled my hair, sprayed my perfume and put on all the essentials to make me look like a distinguished graduate.

I remember looking back when my sister graduated 6 years ago and thinking, "she is so big and grown, and ready to conquer the world". Standing in a class of four hundred and something students I'm sure I looked just the same as she.

But underneath the gown, stole, chords and cap I am still that shaking newbie who is ready for flight and the first sign of something frightening.

I am terrified of the unknown ahead of me, but like before I think I will stick it out and see where I end up.

So dusty,
what's the harm
Another shell of skin to cling to our jeans and old sweaters
Swallow it down with our table top soft butter
and the cowboy leather in our insides
will make us infinitely tougher

Barfing nails longer than the ends of gypsy hands
to scratch the antagonists
in our crystal ball's plans
Sorry, but bloodiness is what
my trombonist destiny demands
I'll slide you a swan song
to contemplate dark magick's sand
that spirals down the throat of the hourglass man
In 100 years time,
our empty glass bodies
will tip from the wind of a fan
held by a butterfly drifting through a faraway land

Hell, so why do we care
when anything at all goes wrong?
Yes, Devil most evil
I address you and everyone else
who resides in your throng
He just lit an unfiltered cigarette
said "just enjoy the song
and ******* lighten up a bit
Think your dead and burning
use your imagination
Whatever's in your head
you're it."

Wanna know the weirdest part about me? I can barely make the muscles on my face move enough to create a smile, when all I really wanna do is take too many sleeping pills and drown in drowsiness while the world around grows black and silent.

But yet I somehow find a way to force myself onward to help pick up those who have fallen when I don't even know where I stand with myself. Hello, meet me, the biggest hypocrite alive.

For example, one day at school on my way to 6th period biology, I was having a day alot like today -horrible- and when I got to the top of the steps I saw that one of my classmates, Rhiannon, had fallen and her stuff was scattered. Everyone just walked around her like she wasn't there, except for these cute upperclassman boys who were staring at her with amused smirks on their faces. I didn't find them very cute after that. Rhiannon was always very shy and was never quite popular, some poeple even called her hippo because of her size. But what people probably don't know about her is that girl has one of the biggest hearts and biggest brains I have ever seen.

So I helped her up and grabbed her bag and gave the upperclassman boys the meanest look I could conjer up and made small talk with her on the way to class like nothing had happened so she wouldn't feel awkward or the need to say thanks.

People like those in the hall that day are the reason I have given up on people and society. They leave people like me to feel even more drained than I already do because I have to help those that they have victimized along the way. Why are they so high and mighty that they can run over who ever the hell they please?