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k Sep 2018
Times have changed
I used to sleep with the lights on
every single night for fear of
ghosts of my past lurking around
in the darkness
until one day I realized the only thing that
is willing to give me a fright is the daunting task of atually sleeping and
masking the darkness with artificial rays of sun cannot protect me from myself

Times have changed
I used sleep with my lights off and was
only surrounded by the background noise of my dimly lit television in fear of the whispers that may come from the shadows
until one day I realized I cannot mask the voices I hear in my head with artificial noise

Times have changed
I sleep in solitude knowing I am the problem
k Aug 2018
Love, in my own humble opinion, is best compared to growing strawberries
It is a well known fact that a single strawberry plant leads to hundreds and soon (even if not as planned) the picking grows increasingly plentiful and falling in love, similar to growing strawberries, allows ones heart to be overrun by every tiny sentiment that comes with it and (even if not as planned) as the heart grows fonder, the harvest becomes more plentiful
I love you
k Aug 2018
Even though ten years feels like a lifetime, I feel as though I can reach back and remember the way my heart skipped beats for you. I feel as though I am still jumping out of my chair and onto my bed because I was scared to tell you the way I felt but I just pressed the send button and Lord knows I can't be around my phone when I send risky texts. It's as if I can reach into the very back of my mind and remember a time that we were happy...

And over the years we spent together, through the good and the bad, I will always remember the things you taught me. I'm not sure where it went wrong, though I'm sure your opinion differs. I'm not one to be boastful or pretend I'm better than anyone else, but that's where you'd tell me I'm wrong.

I'll get this out of the way now, I'm sorry I cheated on you and honestly, yes, I regret it. Should I have? No. Did I? Yeah, I did. It was not grown up of me and being scared to tell you isn't an excuse. I understand your grudge.

I will admit, that person and the one after were a way to fill some sad void. I think the first was more a release and the second more a "I'm free" kind of thing. No, it wasn't serious even if in the moment I thought they were. I'm trying to "man up" and let you know, not so you can say you told me so, but so you understand.

Let's, as two conscious adults, run through some points in our lives together. First, let me start off by saying I know I ****** up. I understand sometimes I would blow up out of anger, I would give you attitude, I was annoyed, I was annoying, I was emotional. There were times I gave to you things you did not deserve... and I've addressed these things many times and I can only say "sorry" so much before it dissolves so meaninglessly off of my tongue.

This is not a game of "well, I did this BUT you did this to me." It never has been. This is a reminder that you tore me down, you broke me, you held things inside of me hostage.

My family and I combined gave you thousands of dollars. $10 here, $50 there, $100 somewhere else... those things add up. We made sure you went to school, both high school and college. We made sure you had heat, a place to shower, warm food, a place to sleep. We did as much as we could, depending on the circumstances. We made sure your birthdays weren't dull. We made sure when your not-so-there parents would show up again, to remind you it wasn't worth the anger.  We made sure to pick you up when you would fall and it wasn't out of pity or the "opportunity to fix someone less fortunate." It was genuine, we all wanted the best for you because we saw the best IN you.

And wherever things turned south, let me remind you the times I had to plead to workout because I was ashamed of my body. Let me remind you of the times I went out on a limb and spent more money than I needed to "because I had a steady job," while you sat on every penny you had. Let me remind you of all the times I warned you that I was exhausted, but would instead be screamed at because you wanted to go on a walk at 10 p.m. Let me remind you of all the times I sat in front a mirror crying and you would only get more frustrated. Let me remind you of the countless times you would throw me under the bus to make yourself look better. Let me remind you of the the emotional ******* you put me through and I would still apologize for. Let's talk about all the double standards. Let me remind you that no matter how mad you made me, I never made it the public's problem.

Let me remind you that even though you had "put" me through so much, I still wouldn't leave because I was afraid to lose my best friend.

As I said before, being scared isn't and never will be an excuse... but I was afraid and even though you did so much for me, the bad just started to outweigh the good.

And now, almost a year later, you and I have both moved onto to new people. I want to start by saying if your happy, then me too. I only want what is best for you and that isn't me. (No, not because I cheated on you, boo hoo) I'm not the best because we don't click like that and we tried and it didn't work.

How many times, a year later, can you tweet a different variation of, "imagine clinging onto someone because you don't want to be alone?"

How many times, a year later, after you've unfollowed me... can you check my twitter to only be so mad about me finally being happy? How many times can you convince yourself that I only want to be with people who "give me attention?" Yeah, that's nice, from my boyfriend. For a very long time, though you wouldn't be aware because you weren't there, he didn't give me the time of day. I wouldn't say I am with him because he's the one giving me the most attention. I would say you are clinging onto hope that I don't need him because for whatever reason, you'd rather see me miserable.

I know the two before were stupid. I admit that with my whole heart and I used my head to think about why, and I gave you those reasons somewhere in the mix of words up there.

But YOU were not my happiness. No one is. I still struggle and you know that. I, frankly, am just sick of you undermining me because you thought you gave me the world when instead you made mine crumble.

Keep my name out of your mouth for the love of God. As much as I want to be the bigger person, sometimes it takes a lot to not text you about the things you say about me on the internet. I carry on. You should too.
i'm not too sure where to post this, so i chose here. I just need to get this stuff off my chest, we will never ave a civil discussion because you can do no wrong.
k Jul 2018
Where do you write something you want someone to read
but you don't want them to see?
Almost a year ago, I did some pretty messed up things
and no, it was not grown up of me
and yes, I still feel guilty (at least a part of me does)
and no, I still don't think I "needed" to
However, to think you have done nothing wrong
is an outright lie

Is belittling someone a sign of love?
Is masking someone's voice a sign of affection?
Is closing the doors on things I was not ready to leave behind
a sign of your attention?

And no, that wasn't the end of it
And yes, I'd rather let you read between the lines
because even writing this in memory of things
that once were,
is giving you way too much of my time

Nonetheless, I do not hate you as much as I thought I had
I just have one question,
where do you believe it went wrong?

Could it have been the numerous times I warned you
that something is bound to go awry?
Maybe it was hidden between all the times
you were busy tweeting about how awful I was
while I begged for forgiveness from a problem
I did not create

I can only request one final thing,
take a moment for yourself to replay the words
that we once spoke to each other in your head
Analyze the seconds we spent together

Remember all the wasted parts of my life spent on
trying to earn your approval while you
continue to let everyone know
just how awful I was to you

I dare you, after all of this is done, to come back and
accuse me of being
"emotionally unavailable"

Fortunately for me, however,
I've come to terms with things that once kept me sinking
and I've found the things that keep me afloat

So for now, I bid this chapter of our lives
a soft, sincere and sweet goodbye

(P.S. You may have once had me
wrapped around your fingers, but if
I learned anything from you at all,
it's that I will always be stronger than
what I think I can't handle)
k Jul 2018
A lovers hand, once placed so neatly on my neck, slides carefully down my spine sending shivers throughout my body

“I love you beautiful” slips out of his soft lips moments before he delicately presses them to mine

I close my eyes as time halts and I am frozen underneath his love, his guidance, his touch
k Jun 2018
Alluring colors are ****** into the sky
and as we watch the burst from a distance
amidst the towering trees in the forest
I am reminded of the first time we kissed
k Jun 2018
Won't you take my hand and run away with me?
We can hide in the meadow

Won't you take my hand and dance with me?
We can laugh until nightfall

Won't you wrap your arms around me and keep me warm?
We can lay nestled here until first light

Won't you sweep me off my feet and carry me home?
We can stay together forever
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