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cratylus Feb 2023
the first time was nerve-wracking. The second time you tried it again, it still hard and you need to calculate every word you say, but it still leaves you uneasy. The third time, the fourth time, the fifth time, til you lose count of how much you have done that, til it is become your habits, til it becomes parts of you.

There is something inside it that makes you feel relieved. Relieved that the other being doesn’t know your miserable truth. You feel relieved that your rotten side—the one that you never want to lose to, is actually not visible to others (or it is a fact, until they found out). You hide behind it, as if it will protect you from any disaster, as if it can save you from being ostracised.

But now that it becomes parts of you, you don’t know which sides of you is the truth. You don’t know who you really are. You lose yourself into it, missed it. The versions of yourself that you tell to other people are piled up, it becomes a mountain of characters you have played. Now you find it hard to find which one of it that you need to use to shield you for the right moment?

Until at the end, you find yourself gasping for air, as if the truth is strangling you from saying the truth, it chokes you, it pulls you hard that you can’t seem to be your honest self, the you before it all happened.

You have lose yourself from it.
cratylus Jul 2021
something was once
everything to you,
is now like a word
that you did not know exist

something was like a thought,
you did not invite them
but it is there ready to embrace you
any time

deep inside that green lake
as cold air creep in your skin
as you move your palm
side to side,
something is now
a word that you
did not know exist.
cratylus Jan 2021
too far to reach
too close it burns,
yet as the skies
changes to its darkest color,
nothing seems to change.

Poor beautiful thing,
look up to the sky
and see
how much
the moon loves you
please, I beg you,
no other creature
in this cruel world
would dare to dislike you.

Know that this universe
needs you,
know that you need yourself
than any body.
/for those who feels alone these days.
cratylus Sep 2020
If Venus had joined hands again
with us,
and we can mend the broken,
would all the chaos we've made
ever be happen?

If, dare I say,
we shove our ego aside
and lock them in your drawer
deep, deep inside.
Would you still see me
just the same?

In between
of our perplexity
and all the charades you've made,
please see that,
our meeting is not a coincidence
you, and I
is meant
to be.
cratylus Sep 2020
The door that was once
I thought
never existed.
Was now
my comfort place.

Sorry that I didn't
know you
Sorry that I'm too
too naive,
too selfish,
to love you first.

I'm sorry now that you're gone,
I'm sorry.
cratylus Jun 2020
the sounds of the rain
kissing any surfaces it hits

I saw you
standing among the scenery
and as I ask you
‘What is wrong?’
silence is all I hear

but then there I realized
as you pull your head up
gazing to the icarus
I saw your tears
combined with the rain
with your weary eyes

I wish I could hug your pain,
I wish I could hug your pain.

— The End —