You tease me when I want you
You ask for more when I deny you
The feeling that you have your own agenda
is all the more reason I adore you

I am simply the means to put an end to all my worries

Taping down scissors and pencils
The doors shut
The doors locked
I'm getting ready for whats to come.
The inevitable revelation and disruption
That moment in time where seconds are hours
Hours are eternities.
The moment when it all falls apart.
The moment when it all comes crashing down

In space it"s nothing
A few shots this way
A few shots that way
The real difference between me and you?
is time

I've written love letters, suicide notes, inspirational essays, stories,
and most of all I've written poems.

Even so the feelings come and go.
and that's what I do,
I just go.
You see Taoism has taught me some things.
Go with the flow.
I am most useful when my mind is clear.
The things I hope to keep become my fear.
so I let it go.

I let it go,
Not like rocks in a river only to be dredged up by passing currents
But like the words I've committed to parchment
that happiness and sadness are life's concurrence

Your eyes so gossamer I'm already entranced
Your skin so smooth no stone smoother could I rest hands upon
I know not where you are or where you stand But I know this
That someday you will Be found

Let me regal you with a tale. About brave adventurer's from long ago, That would seize the day as their own. At night they sat by a grotto, it's waters light was on their face shown. Looking up to the night sky. Stars began to fall around them, some. Until they swallowed one whole. Up they awoke to find themselves whole. Never being able to remember the tale

If I could spin myself into words
I would describe myself with as much detail as possible

Rewrite my entire frame
Detail myself with messy  handwriting at every edge
Take my rough edges and show the true grit of my feet
Pour my body into the shape of the page to become whole

But for now I'll just say it and hope you get my meaning

Why do you breath?
Why do you eat?
Why do anything other than exist?
Because we were given the privilege
That's why I started the food fight

You do realize, you haven't had the hardest life. Steve Bushime and Leonard Nemoy can out weigh family crisis. especially car crash's and morality aside.
You were endowed with more opportunity than most around.
After all,
we were taught to walk in your shadows.
yes
you were in that category.
Because we were considered the faulty programing of your adopted sister.
So our only opportunity was to adapt from the predecessors our grandparents Aspired us to
CH to DA
TR to JA
CO to carbon dioxide.
If you were worried about making an impact. trust me. you only fell like a shooting star.
the crater is nothing.
With your lessons
I want to do what D did.
But I wont, because of two reasons






if you_cared = true
{
we wouldnt be where we are
}

Whats the point of being a star
one so prominent others seem less
We are equals from start you and I
No need to outshine the other
There's enough space for us
just let me be me
admiring your beauty

I should have kept my mouth shut
But I insist you listen to the words that pour out
They need not make sense
They need no place in your heart
As long as you know
They're for you.

My words have always been reserved for the people that mean the most to me.

If given the chance;
Should we not be better than our parents?
These people who live like the earth is theirs;
Like tyrants.

Patricide beneath us,
Grace taught from our disgrace
Peace made from grief,
Strength bonded through the clench in our teeth.

I thought us a different breed,
As childish as it may be to hear or read,

But I thought us different
A bloodline of heroes forgotten to times passing.
People who's sole reason was to bring out the soul in others.
That honor was doing the right thing when no one else was watching.

I know god has pried his eyes away when we needed him most.
But should we be so willing to do the same and give way to suffering and pain and just raise a glass and toast?

It was a child's dreams,
Borrowed from books on our grandmothers shelves with loose seams.
A book about us,

That we would rise above our parents and be the things they couldn't.
That we could stop history from going to the future where it shouldn't.

I thought we were different
but maybe you're right,
life is indifferent.

Whos body is tattered but shows no interest  in falling apart
Whos mind is troubled but shows no interest in being troubled
Whos soul calls out to the adventurer in all of us
This ones to you

Poems used to be about the blood spilled
to etch words of heroes of old
The victories made in defeats face
When the dawn was after its darkest
But as time went on
I couldn't remember the things I wrote
But I never let go of the pen knowing
What it was for

Standing idly on ocean fronts I find myself wanting
Upon rocky shores who's seas are empty filled with air and depth

Mountains call home to the soul.
The stars stare back to meet my eyes.
If life were made to life inside
Our eyes would be black
Air would never be so fresh

So what is it, as I sit upon the shores edge
What is it I thirst for, What is it I want?
A smile escapes into grin
Why would I ask myself a question I know the answer to?

Any plans at 12?
Whats it matter?
Why stop now
The passing of time
The commencement of now
whats the matter
lets just give it an hour
And same with our worries
Any plans at 1?
I thought so

you can debate me
try as hard as you want
but only I can sway me
A war of words may not be what you intended
it soon might be what you have

I cant ask for more of you, but loath the word less
I cant ask to see more of you,  I loath the idea of being void of you
I could always use more of you
Today I ask though,with no reason
Am I too much for you?

it appears to be a sickness of the soul
in truth,
it is human to be a fool.
I hope to cultivate something that grows beyond me.
I hope to see something that towers me.
like an intensity enticed by agony but it's weight lifted of its immensity on the value of its words and the promise that continuously grows.

My dreams are enshrouded in a silk of death and destruction erupting into a curtain fire that blocks off a room of its single entry.
When awake I stand as sentry, bags on my eyes heavier than my body.

And those dreams that bare no nightmare.
All I can see is open skies and full seas.
untouched forests and no one else.
I just take in the moment and stare.
I brush my hands along the bark of every tree.
I take the time to reconcile with my self.

You told me if you'd buy me a flower, you'd rather grow me a rose bush and send it to every other man you can think of. but i'd be on the end of that list. at least i'd be on the end of that list. all i've ever been is at the end of a list. It hurt more than when we kissed. let alone when i felt your hands on my wrist.

Let's throw ourselves against a wall just to watch ourselves crumble.
In the name of love...
What a wonderful way to self destruct...

I can't show you the way it is that makes me love you
the way you smile
the way you giggle
I can't describe it
It all makes sense when I'm with you

A love letter to pittsburghs river.

im sorry my love, I may not see you tonight, but know I think of you often. not always fondly. But you are never a want, I know what I need. Your cold water to numb my scars. your tongue deep inside my mouth, dareing me to gasp for breath. Your arms wrapping me completely, into a beautiful dream, i'll never have to wake from. slowly like a blanket being thrown onto the sleeper, you cover and engulf me.

I don't have any more words to say.
I don't have anything wise enough to teach you something new.
I look back at the last three years and I consider what that looks like.
Is it merely two strangers that have savagely danced around our egg shells?
Merely two poker players with an understanding of each other who have no reason to hold face.
Was I merely just a tinder date you got too attached to or am I someone you recognize when you fall back on good times?
Am I merely a convenience like your disastrous inheritance.
Am I a grace and relief like your disastrous inheritance.
Either way I am the one that is disastrously here.
My value is that of a red ball to a dog who desires a single ball.
But,
forgets about it every time its thrown.
That was cold.
But you have been too.

Through moments with silent trepidation
One another was filled with accusation
The wren flew with the prestigious
The rat scurried with the gregarious

She was filled with torment and fear that she fought to quell with flesh complacent, bodies in motion, always feeling indecent.

He was bound by his wrath and fear, swallowing pride just so others could get near, trying not to lose control, always trying to steer.

little known to these two indigenous creatures of my heart
that they both formed at my elementary start.

The rat as my inner love, the wren as my auxiliary love.
A beautiful tight rope of masochistic devilry

I could bare a thousand screams, A thousand wounds, scars and burns.

I could **** a thousand men for a moment in the eyes of god.

What I wouldn't do just to carve a crevice out of the world

Just to show the mark of a mad man craving truth.

Put a knife straight to gods eye if it meant the blood I shed made one less person cry.

I've beg for forgiveness and broken every bond looking for an out.

I've come again trading my soul for a chance for others to hear my shout.

You'll be ok.

A wise man once said,
"To write poetry is to capture a moment."

To tell you how I felt,
was to show you my intent.

To me,
you are Brunhild.
I wish to be Sigurd.
You are Artemis,
I wish to be your faithful hound.

You are my queen,
I only wish to see you crowned.

You receive pros,
I empty my cup.

You crinkle your toes,
I can feel my heart erupt.

You are scared of who you are,
I am brave because I know your potential.

You are beautiful like a star
I would kneel to you, I deem quintessential

But alas,
My beloved lass,
I am not essential.

In a moment
without  rational momentum
you declared,
you didn't care
and that's fair
but in regards to actuality
and physicality.
I'm sorry I've been damaged
Rearranged  to fit implementation than rationality.
I'm sorry i'm not ******
I'm sorry i'm not wanting
I'm sorry for being me.
I'm sorry for me.
I'm sorry for being me and you having to deal with it.
In perspective.
I only acted as you demanded
As I was reprimanded for my performance I saw a moment to repent.


I don't care to.

I've burnt my bridge,
I've delved my dives
I broke my word
I died so many times.

I hoped you'd see
I thought you'd think
I wrought my self
I scared myself.

There's no need
thesis fed
broken found
thoughtfulness made bound.

I'm scared to care for others
I'm aware of fair play
at least I thought about your heart
But we were better off from finish to start.

Hunting without friends, is meager and meaningless.
Dire is the contract in my heart, fearless and seamless.
Internal is my engine infernal is my heart.
I'll tear away at the skin of this mask to reveal what hides behind it.
I'll tear up at the thought of us cheering at a year well done.
I am only human made thought.
brought not gods eyes but the lack of made in someone's thought.
Discussing idea's without friends is thoughtless.
Pyre is the thought that comes to mindfulness.
Hands curled up on shoulders too cold to consider.
The match box flickers only once more

Do you remember D?
He was awesome.
I can't say I knew him.
All I can say is I wish I was there.
And an artist can romanticize the end
As much as a child cries about being born.
D,
Was about everything in-between.
A laugh for the sake of a laugh.
He was divinity on earth encased in the flesh of a comedian before his time.
He was the moment I realized my myopic lens was shifted in a non righteous view.
Why?
He showed my that when I look at the bright side.
The shadows never compare to the landscape.
He always kicked my *** at magic.
He was a lesson and gift.
The coolest guy I knew.
My biggest regret is knowing I didn't have to make time.
I was the idiot who didn't listen to the man, who knew we always have time.

Let me make this perfectly clear for everyone from my past.

You won, you got the better of me by just being yourself.

Now, lets move on.

It's kind of hard to when you leave a piece of you behind any time you feel the need to burn a bridge.

That there's something you forgot to take with you or you left there because maybe it was to much baggage.

We've been there, am'i'right?

I broke off pieces of me at a time and left them there for better or worse

And I've done that for every person I can think of.
Some larger, some smaller.
Don't feel lucky that it was minimal or you weren't given your fair share

I broke off pieces of myself until there was nothing left, and I didn't think of what those pieces meant

I couldn't because it was too "rough" to think about.

But like tomorrow always comes, I had to think about it at some point.

And I hated the hell out of myself too, with good reason.

Wasn't a felon, but I wasn't a great person.

I demonized and hated myself with good reason.

Didn't save my foster brother and I ***** about my past.

But then I realized something about me not being a good person but actually caring about how people felt and the fact I want to change.

Out of all the things I went through and every piece of shell shock or excitement I created.

You were all amazing people despite what you did.

I didn't idolize you. I just knew that I couldn't ever judge you for being you.

And I thought you were awesome for one reason or another.

Today, like many other days.

I left a piece of me behind

I had to move on,

But I want you to know

I will think about those pieces of myself I left behind

For your sake.

and mine