To feel
To experience
To concern oneself with
The daily sufferings and joys
Of all humanity
Is to be cursed
And blessed

People make their living
Among other people
And the great swarm of people
Celebrates winners
And casts out losers

Occasionally people rise up
Exhibiting higher qualities
They burn brightly
Differently
Embodying
Deeper purpose

To feel
To experience
To concern oneself with
All things
Is to be cursed
And blessed

To transform feelings
Into thoughts, words and deeds
Is to purge
To cleanse
To purify

To free

I wish I could write a break through poem
I wish I wasn’t so tired
I wish I didn’t have to go to work
To keep the oven fired

I wish I woke up, full of beans
My head devoid of woes
I wish I wore the finest garments
From my head to my ageing toes

I wish I had endless amounts of cash
On which I’d spend and spree
And to keep me looking fit and flash
A spa and jacuzzi

I wish I could jump into Brad Pitt’s shoes
And live his life for a day
But then I’d hop back into mine to see
In which shoes I’d prefer to stay

I wish you could get the things that you want
And let me have my wishes too
If everyone got what everyone wanted
Then what would we all do?

Go
Flo
Rip
Lip
Wiggle
Tiggle
Smash
Dash

Groove
Move
Hup
Pup
Slide
Ide
Dive
Clive

Push
Nush
Tickle
Lickle
Love
­Dove
Bounce
Ounce

Daz
Jazz
Big
Dig
Slip
Pip
Trip
Hip

Hop
Pop
Grind
Mind
Telly
Belly
Hell
Tell

Oz
Loz
Stone
Bone
Big
Wig
­Tic
Nic

Danny
*****
Granny
Manny
Wimp
Imp
Rib
Dib

Dace
Mace
Lace
Race
Fire
Ire
Flat
Face

There was a moment today
When I felt it
In my chest
A warm cascade
Of utter joy
At being alive
Simply being
Who I am

My body tingled
My eyes lit up
My face broke into
A most natural smile

And I was just
Happy
To be who I am

And then
I snapped back
To myself
Like a rubber band
And how instantaneously
My mind
Took back control
Returning me
To my default
Of feeling
Less than I am

To accepting
The compromise
Of a smaller life

Of deciding
To be bound
By a lesser reality

To be fearful

But
Oh!
To feel free
For one split second

How wonderful to know
That unrestrained joy
To imagine
That I could live like that

How encouraging
To believe
In being happy
Just as I am

The mysteries of the universe
Are greater than I can fathom
How grateful I am for this

Life is better unpredictable

So do not worry if I seem deranged
I am but a bird on the breeze of time
And I call your name fiercely
To unleash the light from within my being

All I see is beauty
And the need to create a better life

Perhaps this earth is crumbling
And trusted friends are in short supply

But I dream always of the future
To know and understand human greatness

To hear the sounds of peace
And to bring comfort to my eternal soul

Age of division
Where nations
Turn on each other

Our people
Made up of mixtures
Are become divided

Diversity
Our great strength
Rubbished, discarded

Anger and arrogance
Soak shouts of 'independence'

What can we learn
From the work
Of the founders?

Have we not stood
On the shoulders
Of giants?

Years of toil
To unify peoples

Cracked
Overnight
Exited
Gone

The cheers
Of the victors
Ring
Like rolls
Of thunder

The roar of the followers
The howling of wolves

I can't see anyone dancing in the street
I can't see faces painted with smiles
I can't hear the bells of victory ringing
I can’t see street parties being prepared

I don’t feel free from an oppressor
I don’t feel like I’ve entered a new era
In fact I don’t feel anything
When they tell me that we have left

Quietly, uninspiringly
The 'United' Kingdom leaves the European Union
And life continues
In its blundering way

'Our' prime minister is now looking for efficiencies
The promises of the election campaign
Crumbled and forgotten
And we are once more - austerity Britain

Softly
Gently
A familiar voice rises
One that makes water flow
From behind my eyes

Musical sounds entwine
Undulate and sway
And I am buoyed
Lifted from sadness
Known
Once more

Vibrations drift
From head to heart
Transporting me
To youth
Nostalgia
With sweetness
Kindness

Such sounds
Deeply resonant layers
Smooth
Like melted chocolate
Make me
Ok again

The familiarity
Of such great composition
Wrap humanity
Around me
Like swaddling

You stand
Cracked

Your trunk
Shattered

And yet
One strand of you
Holds on

As your body
Lays still
Like a beached whale
Across the field

Inside your hollow
I peer
And see the effort
Of a century
Exposed
Revealed
Completed
Decaying

Broken oak
Even in death

Yours
Is
Majesty

I don’t want to go on
But it’s all I can talk about
It’s the same old song
That my brain just won't clear out

I should be strong
But being weak is appealing
I shouldn’t go on
But it’s just how I'm feeling

How long will they listen?
If I go on complaining
Will they whisper ‘how boring’
And stop enquiring?

It’s a drag being ill
Much better, being 'better'
To have good health
Is something to treasure

So ***** to you Covid
And off with my head
Its laptop and Netflix
That I take to my bed

I don’t cope well with uncertainty
It's exhausting living like this
I end up feeling so worn out
I can’t even sleep to cure my ills

Does it matter that I show you
A ***** in my armour?
Does it matter that you drink your nights away?
If I were a different man I guess I’d lead a different life
It's simple, some might say

If I could shrug off this heavy coat
Be sure, I’d take it off
But as it is, all I can do
Is wear it with some pride

And so like treacle, thick and dense
This year draws to an end
Its hard to think what to make of that
Which waits around the bend

Birds caress the spring air
With wings that seem to massage
Peaceful pathways overhead

I feel the tiredness of exertion
In my knees and back
But I don’t mind
I relish the open feeling
Of living on this spring day

Until I hear the news

Oh
To be swaddled by such a false sense of indignation
To lie in bedrooms
******* acrid smoke into bitter lungs
Imprisoned by the bars of fear and anger
And dream up desperate acts of destruction

Who would chose such a destiny?

On this magical spring day
The sun sets so beautifully
And the full moon glows orange
In sympathetic reflection

Another day
Memorable for so many reasons
Draws
To a conclusion

Perfectly round
No matter which way you turn me
I hold my shape

Inside of me
I hold the air
And my surface is smooth and curved

I can sway in the breeze
And float on the currents
I can inspire your gasps and your wonderment

Your oohs and aahs
But don’t touch me
Or I will implode

Vanish in a second
Be here
Then not

I will release the air inside me
And will no longer keep
The wider world at bay

I will be gone forever
And it will be
Like I never existed

I am a bubble
And while I am here
I am beautiful

But come close to me
And
Pop

We scatter black earth on the cardboard box
As we say goodbye to our dear cat Nel
Killed by a fox
Missing for days
Then discovered, tail-less, mauled
Stiff, barely recognisable

I spend the morning, cleaning her
Trying to hide her pink tongue
Trapped between jaws that won’t open

I wrap her in silk and wash her head
And try to close her eyelids

At last, she is ready

My daughter comes outside
Together we lift her
Into the decorated cardboard box
Lined with a favourite sheepskin rug
Filled with cat treats, a rubber band to play with
Some string and a little bottle of water

For a moment, the sun shines
And seems to warm her narrowed face
It is as if she is only sleeping
And we stand and watch her
Tears moistening our cheeks
In the crisp February air

My daughter’s knees buckle with grief
As we close the lid of the box
And I place it in the trench I have dug
Beneath the trampoline

My daughter scatters the first handful of earth
And places a daffodil

There she will lie
Quietly, wrapped up in her box
As we all come to terms
With loss

She was the gentlest of cats
A dear friend in our family
Taken by a brutal blow of fate

We loved her very much
Our dear cat Nel

Life to life
Face to face
We
Are companions
Together
Forever

We brave
The winter swell
And despite
Physical weariness
Go out
To the world.

I want
To lie down
But there are
Things to do
And things to be done

Living and working
All on the run

Like meeting the train
To meet an old friend
To hear of
Four generations
Of women in a single family
In a single picture

I ponder the strangeness
Of this reality
And concentrate
To perceive
The brilliance
Of human
Endeavor

Movement of earth
Skies above
A flash of light

But a dream

Winged creatures
Leafy promontories
Well trodden pathways

But a dream

Shroud of mist
Unknown futures
Exciting to ponder

But a dream

Familiar to unfamiliar
The song of an infant
Grey brown warriors emerging

But a dream

Today, my stomach is a flutter with butterflies
My head holds too many thoughts
A collision of a lifetime of experiences
Accelerating to this moment

Today, I have journeyed to a decision
To try and change

Today, I travel
To face my fears
To look them
Squarely in the face
To do battle with my pain

Today
I will forgive myself
I do not need to regret
Who I am

Today
I let go of any blame
And guilt that I carry

Today
I wonder at my existence
And give thanks

Today, my life burns brightly

Today I can smile
And release my suffering
And let it blend
With the air

Red Admiral
You land on my hand
In the warmth
Of this Cornish summer evening

Your arrival takes me by surprise
And I hold still
To witness the special moment

One full minute
You sit in silence
Motionless
Sunning your wings
Of red, black and white

Back arched
Proud chest pushing forward
As if to say
‘Look at me!
Look how beautiful  I am!
You too
Can live a life as beautiful
If you can survive transformation’

The wings close
And I am shown the rippled bark-like brown
Of the underwing

I wait
Barely breathing
As still as the butterfly
And then
She is gone
Forever

But my poem
Will secure her visit
In my memory

Your eyes shine
As you gaze
Into my soul

You are pure
Optimistic
Graceful
And full of wonder

Thank the heavens
That you
Are
The future

Your potential
To create
Happiness for all
Radiates

Just as you trust me now
I trust you

Tonight
I attend you
Completely

I gaze 'pon your rainbow halo
As five rays lead to my heart
Five more lead to the heavens

You wear a golden crown
Your essence glows orange

Your light
Is like a tender rose
Your petals fragrant
Clustered and shapely

On this most reverent of nights
As the clock ticks
Hypnotically
I pause
And observe your beauty

What is it
That it is?

Can I put
It into words

Can I make you feel
How I feel?
If I said

Orange
Lilac
And
Black

Would that depict
This sunset
And the silhouetted trees?

If I said
I’ve had too much to drink
Would you understand?

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I do
Everyone got somethin’
To tell me, it’s true

People keep yellin’
"Do this!
Do that!
But don’t even
Think about
Goin’ near that!"

Can’t please nobody
Though I try and I try
Sometimes I wanna
Jes' lay down and die

"You’d betta think
‘Bout what you gon’ do
Coz everything
Gonna come right back
On you!"

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I say
But livin’ in chains
Jes' won’t win me the day

I’m gonna break out
And be who I choose
Even if doin so
Give me the blues

I am a man
Who gon’ live my life free
Voices keep yelling!
S’no **** thing to me

Can’t please nobody
Whatever I do
Everyone got somethin’
To tell me s’true

Words capture

A moment in time

They hold feelings

They represent the present

And last for eternity

A leaf dances across the car park
And a girl with golden sparkly boots
Leaps into a car with her lover

I remember the day when you held me tight
And we danced in circles

A memory
I can never forget

A young tree stands proudly here
It will remain after I have gone

For now I sit
Still as the mud
Listening to the silence
Letting time
Pass

Is there a being of great wisdom
Who can answer me?

Would you tell?

Is it possible
To live a hundred lifetimes
In the journey of a single life?

Is it possible to shed skin
Time and again
And evolve?

Like a first watery creature
Emerging
Crawling
Gasping for breath
Labouring under the sun
Before one day
Flying
Into the brilliance of sunset

The ghosts of my emotions surface
As music tips my buried tears
Beyond my eyelids

My ageing, beating heart
Swells and groans
With the release of grief
And I experience sensations
Long trapped and then freed
Like great wide bubbles
Working their way slowly upwards
From the deep dark silent depths
Of fathomless oceans

What is the meaning of living?
I ask the stars on this still night

What is the meaning of being?

I whisper questions
To the endless expansive space
Above my misty head

Is it to wonder at the quiet miracles of life?

My heart, my body and my soul churn
Like molten butter, syrup and chocolate
Melding and reforming into one
And I soak my sorrows in silent solitude

I call to the ghosts
Of my dearly beloved departed
And hold their hands
In my wakeful sleepwalk

Dearest companions  of times passed
You have carried me with you
Through time
And space
Without ever asking why

My arms are open
And I offer to carry the universe for you
Although my shaky legs will buckle
Arthritis will weaken my white bones
And death will one day still my flesh

I will carry the universe
Because I don’t know how else to be

The truth is
The mask
Can be dropped

Celestial rays of sunlight
Will illuminate
Who we are

Layers
Can be peeled back
To reveal
Our true nature

And
There is
Such beauty
To Behold

And the truth is
Bullies
Are
Not strong
Prejudice
Is
Weakness

For life
Transcends each illusion
As eternally
As light
Voyaging
Through space

We
Most conscious
Of beings
Are children
Of a great
Shared universe

We
Are
Never
Alone

We are mistaken
To live
Without humility

False to live
Timidly

The clock ticks
Patiently
As we learn
Of our destiny

The hours
March with us
As we become
True

Soft cat
Your crescent body
Sleeping sunken on the sofa
Your nose buried in your tail
Your eyes shielded by your paw
What are you dreaming of?

Soft cat
Do you dream
Of being stroked?
Or are you chasing butterflies?
Do you imagine
Cream and milk?
Or are you off hunting
Or perhaps climbing trees?

I know you will rise
When I do
And we will start our day together

But for now
Soft cat
Dozing
In peace
I wish you
Sweet dreams

Memories
Of happier times
Seem to pull
My head
Backwards

I’m caught between
Nobody
And
Everybody

If I separate
Totally
I will have
Nothing to work with

And sitting alone
With no one
To bounce off
To respond to
To plan with
To thrive for
Is pointless

To truly break free
Deciding to live
Fully

Is a risk

Many will tell you
What to do
How to live
Toe the line!
Step in time!

But to stand
Alone
Is tough
I am discovering this
Every day

Challenge
Myself
To challenge
The status quo
And make
Dreams
Reality

I can see
You are a change maker
I can see
That you bear the scars
I can see
That relationships don’t come easy
I can see  
That you reach for the stars

I can tell
You have great intentions
I can tell
That you fight for peace
I can feel
That you won’t give up hope
I can feel
That you long for release

Change maker
You are one in a million
Change maker
You find a way through the storm
Change maker
Reveal your true identity
Change maker
Open up a new dawn

Today we played a silly game
And laughed and laughed
And laughed

This is what we should do
More often

Precious, hopeful,
Unique, fragile
Growing, uncertain,
Peculiar, shy

Child
You are
Nothing short
Of universe
Encapsulated
In single form

Embodied spirit
Of greatest energy
All things loaded
In your youthful shell

Limitless possibilities
For your happiness
Lie inside
Awaiting
A cause

Are you crying
For the child inside of you?

Your tears flow and flow
As you live with the suffering
Of many years ago

Poor child
Lonely child
Heart broken child

Longing still
For what you lost

Tomorrow is a bright new dawn
A time for re-birth
For renewal

Christmas tree
You stand quietly
At our window
Sparkling
Shining
Wearing decorations of
Green
Red
Blue
Yellow

Glowing
Before blurry eyes
Warming our hearts
Against the cold

Standing
Silently
While ceremonies
Of the season
Unfold
Before you

I wish I was rich
And could go on adventures
I wish I could purchase
A luxury yacht
I wish I could ski
Down the side of a mountain
I wish I could wear
Fancy clothes from the shops
I wish I was handsome and
Confident and smart
I wish I was funny
And such a great laugh
I wish I made music
Like Bowie or Bach
I wish, I wish
I wish when I woke up
I leapt out of bed
One million ideas
Fit to burst from my head
I wish I was eager
To get to my desk
And change all
The wrong things
To right things instead
I wish I lived like
All those stars on TV
And won crazy games
And felt totally free
I wish I was somebody
Other than me
I wish, I wish
I wish I stood taller
Than any man should
And gazed across skies
And at landscapes I could
I know that I’d probably
Live happily
If I were to turn
To a beautiful tree
I’d stand in one spot
And just focus on growing
I’d not stop to think
If my branches were bowing
I’d reach up and see
How to fill up more space
Above me, around me
All over the place
I’d make myself home
To a thousand small friends
And feed them and keep them
All round me and then
I’d live to a hundred years
Just in this way
And then I’d start over
And do it again
I’d not have to worry
About what I was worth
I’d push my roots deep
To experience the earth
I’d soak up the goodness
And push out my flowers
Expressive and easy
I’d show off my powers
I wish I could turn
From the person I am
To someone who’s beautiful
Worthy and strong
And so as I wish
For the things that I’m not
I start to feel better
About what I have got
To try to imagine
What I cannot be
Is part of the process
Of trying to break free
I guess I can settle
For life as I am
I won’t win gold medals
But maybe I can
Learn to be happy
And proud and free
And be what I ought to be
Someone like me

Circles surround me
Sun
Moon
Earth

Night
Day

The revolution of
The wheels of our lives
Turning, turning
Driving forward, forward

The movement of clouds around the sky
Raindrops on my window pain
Shimmering gold in the morning sunlight

The blue of day
The black of night

The circular flapping of wings

The roundness of your body
The green of your eyes

The rolling of the seasons

The passing of years
The easing of childhood
To teenage-hood

The maturing of minds
And collective consciousness

I see circles
I feel them
Turning me
Round

City of crescent lights
We stand by your resting canals
While bells toll midnight
Awaiting your truth

The rain
Has washed me
I am renewed
Clean, fresh

Tomorrow
Awaits
An adventure
Unwritten

I can smell the morning
I can smell the sea mixed with dew and light mist
Memories of my childhood return
Free from care
I wondered what my life would become

The river is my beautiful friend
Today it rests calmly
Quietly reflecting everything neatly

I love to be alone with my thoughts
On mornings such as these

Eight geese fly low over the river
Making a straight line for the city
One moment they are here
The next they are gone

I want to be proud of my life
Proud of who I am

Who I am is what I do

Now for a short while
I sit and write in these historic gardens
On this ornate bench
I breathe in the salty air

The sun appears
To warm my tired face
The grass sparkles here and there
With the remnants of early morning dew
And daffodils stand tall
Their flowers ******* in the sunlight

The birds of Westcliff are happy here
They sing brilliantly

Long parallel waves roll slowly across the flat river surface
Finally expiring on the shallow beaches

For this short time
I sit still among the workings of the day
While a bee zigs and zags and joggers jog
And dog walkers walk and drivers drive

What more would I desire?

Crisp Chardonnay, chilling delicately sculptured glass

You kiss my lips tenderly

All my wrongdoings pardoned in one moment,

I begin again

My life-worn body blessed with the fresh promise of opportunity,

You kiss my lips tenderly

Without question, without concealed agenda, a kiss unplanned.

At last to have that moment of intimate secrecy.

I will never forget her passion then,

Will I ever see it again?

Romance is not a thing of invention,

It always was and always shall be.

In Cloister café, I am once again loved


Could new life emerge from my being?

If it could, let it be from a moment of tenderness

A timeless moment of shared unity.

All pasts and futures abandoned in the act of creation.

We kiss tenderly.

On such a dazzlingly bright day
I can only wonder
At the beautiful light show

Marvel at the freshness of the air
Ponder the beauty of it all

Develop my sense of gratitude
Gratitude which is surely missing
In my heart

These efforts of mine
To lead a good life
Have brought me to this point

And yet I am still dissatisfied

Though many battles have been won
Many have been lost too

What have I learned?

Treat people with respect
And ultimately you will win the day

Circumstances change
And with it our security

We must be vigilant
And prepare for upheavals
For life is changeable

The wheel will always turn
Bringing in new life
And taking all who live
Closer to death

Clouds like feathers
Float in the deep blue morning sky

The sun, bathes the spaces
Between houses.

Brown leaves, dry and curled
Gather at my front door

As the winds of autumn
Shake the enduring trees

I walk each day
The same pathway

Looking for signals
Searching for signs

A still, rounded body catches my eye
And I cross the road

A hedgehog lies
Motionless
In the middle of Tickfield avenue.

Is this your final resting place?

I move it with my foot to the curb

It feels soft to the touch
Is it still alive?

I take a picture
It’s mouth is open
I can see its teeth

Is it over?
Is this how a life ends?

I take my train
Report the case to the RSPCA

And wonder
And wonder

It's Friday
And tomorrow

I will lay beside my wife
And we will share the weekend

Together

Coffee makes me dance
It makes me sing
It makes me smile
It makes me zing

It makes me awake
When I should be asleep
It makes me happy
When things look bleak

It makes me wish
For an endless cup
So I could drink
And never stop

It makes me feel
That life is sweet
So here’s to a coffee
Next time we meet

Come sleep
And cradle me
In your tender arms

Release me
From the sadness of my day
And take me
As your lover

Come sleep
Feed me soft wine
To restore my battered soul
Welcome me to your gondola
And float with me gently
Far from this place

Come sleep
Decorate my dreams
With tender kisses
And loving embraces

Lift me from
My cold isolation
And free me from my torments

Come sleep
Robe me in the clothes of a king
And shower heavenly gifts upon me

Let me revel
In a land of fantasy
Just for tonight

That I may live again
Tomorrow

There is no true happiness
For human beings
Other than the great act
Of human compassion

Nothing fires the soul
Illuminates the darkness
More brilliantly

There is no better way
To feel alive
Than to support the lives
Of others

Compose yourself!

Make of yourself
Whatever you want your life to be

You are not destined
To live in chains

Rather you are destined
To soar above treetops
Painting the universe
With your own unique
Song of life

Compose yourself!

Because only you
Possess the innate
And unique
Genius
With which to create
The world’s first
Symphony
Of you

Compose yourself!

Compose
Your
Self

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

The truth is I cannot decide
Whether to enter or wait outside
Maybe happiness lies inside
Or perhaps it sits on the other side?

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

Perhaps I should just laugh out loud
At the absurdity of living
Laughter would surely help me escape
My lingering indecision

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

And then I’d choose to stay or go
And the choice will have been made
But I choose to sit and wait some more
My backside resting on the floor

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

I wonder how the days go by
Yet I’m still undecided
One door is open another closed
That’s the way I am, I suppose

To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide, I must decide
To follow my heart or compromise?
I must decide today

On a number thirteen
London routemaster bus

A passenger
Once asked
The bus conductor

‘How are you?’

‘I’m enjoying life’
He replied
‘Enjoying life’

I was a school boy
And my bus travelled steadily
Along the Finchley road

The conductor rang the bell
Twice
To signal the driver
And then he whistled a tune

He was happy

And for the duration of our journey
We were too

To have it
Means you can do it

To lose it
Means you might trip up

To develop it
Means you get better at things

To teach it
Builds your own

Must we always fight?
Should our days and nights always pass this way?
What is it that one person does
That so angers another?
Could we not smile together?
Admire the fullness of each others lives?
Could we not step out of our own shoes
And into another’s
Just for a second?
Dust always dances through the air
I only see the particles when the sun shines
But they are always there
I share my vision
Slowly, carefully
With her
But should I share my emptiness with anyone?
Who would want to know it?
All I can do is share myself
As I am
And it is enough
For the moment
It is enough