The buzzed people
burn out on the street.
It's four a.m.
and cold toes are leaving imprints
on the concrete face
where the drunks and the homeless
beg for help
and for the past to change.

You, me, and every one we've met,
lean on the side of the tattooed bar,
smoking cigarettes that stain our lips,
slurring words that escape our souls.

You're wearing
Black Chuck Taylor All-Stars,
as we stand underneath
the black, starry sky.
You tell me,
as you put out the cherry
with your wet thumb,
that, "I busted my cherry
while riding my bike.
I hit a bump, then another,
and another."

We kiss and you whisper,
"It sounds better than the truth, right?"
I feel overwhelming sadness,
as I look at your freckles,
your speckled irises,
and I want to believe
the manufactured ignorance
that the world offers
and you take,
saying, "Of course, love."

if i was a leaf blower i'd wish you were a stationary bike
so we could be forgotten together in an unused garage

i want to be a candlestick holder if you're a dinette set
so we can dance close under the chandelier in the quiet foyer

i'll be an old stained t-shirt if you're a chest of drawers
and i'll slip inside and live in the back of your heart forever

if you're a tennis ball and i'm a chewed up shoe we can
hide from the dog in the dark under the sofa holding hands

but i am only a rooftop
that you won't lay on
you are a thousand stars
out of reach and too beautiful to
acknowledge
me

You just shot me in the chest.

You have one unheard message
Hey. It's me. Just wanted to say I love you. Have a nice day at work. Call me when you're on your way, okay?

You have two unheard messages
Hey. It's me again. Where are you? I miss you. It's late and I'm cold and you aren't here.

I know you're sad, but you can't do this. It's not how things work. Please don't leave me alone. Just... Just answer your phone, **** it. I need you. You're important.

You have three unheard messages
Why'd you do it? I needed you. I need you. It's a joke right? A prank? Well, it's not funny anymore. I need you back. I just... I just want to hear your voice again. You're so beautiful. Please come back to-

I ran out of time. I just want you back. Why did you do this?  I want to see you again. I need to see you again. But not like at your funeral. Like you were when you lived.

They said I have to stop calling you. I don't know how to stop. I love you. I can't do this without you. But don't worry, love, I'll see you again soon, it's only a matter of minutes until we're together.

You have no new messages

Wisconsin, fine--
We sit on state lines.
Across the street, Rodeo Drive.
Move a little bit
and East L.A. makes you feel alive.

Go to the diner
where the mermaids wear aprons
and hold out menus like personal stock.
Where the surfer-rama drama in the diner deep
allows them to let go of those they keep.

And you and me and those we love,
keep us finite, because why not.
I could tell you how to eat your waffles
if you will be the spoon that stirs my coffee.

Listen to me,
"Rachel, there's no one, right now,
that I'd rather sit and eat breakfast with than you.
And if it doesn't work out,
and we choke on our meals, that's fine.
I just want to try when I'm with you."

We exchange glances
and I'm sure, then,
that I adore the aplomb,
for your smile leads myself
into believing and being more.

I stare at my feet
As I walk through the crowded hall
And think about you

Tears ***** my eyes
As my feelings well over

I miss you so terribly
And so deeply
I want to tell you that joke I heard last period
Or what I'm doing this Saturday
Or what I had for breakfast

But you are gone
And with every footstep
I hear your name
Swirl by in the voices of others.

Leaving me to wonder,
How can I be so alone in a place so full of people?

In the gas deep under-park,
she sleeps between shadows.