The puzzle is never solved.
They are looked at and pointed at
by children who don't know
that we're supposed to pity them.

Oh Son, Oh Daughter
they have Autism!
Oh, I feel so bad!

The straight jackets and shocks
have turned to stares and mocks.

They didn't to choose to be born this way
a piece of a puzzle that doesn't fit.

We look at them and thank God that its
not us.
Its not me.
But the indifference doesn't work.
We thank God that its not us.

But do we ever feel any empathy?
If you could imagine having a retardation
never really fully understanding anything

A chromosomal abnormality that would
affect your whole life forever.

Having to be watched
always having someone taking care of you
you would never have any independence.

Autism seemed to be their name
"he's Autistic"
It wasn't their name.
There is much more to them.

These people used to be tortured
people thought that they had a demon inside of them
that we had to get out.

What we never realized was that
the real demon was us.

I am emotional, passionate, obsessed
Borne from peak to peak
Repeatedly plunged into
one abyss after another
My pendulum always in motion
I have need of peace and security
and you.

There's a place to go on Sunday morn
A place to meet good friends
Where you can laze around with cup in hand
And curb your latest bends.

Satisfaction comes in many forms
You can bet there is no lack.
All you need to do is go
But first get out of the sack.

See you at St. Arbucks.

That “Grand Idea” of traveling
         going with the Snowbirds
                                     as in herds
Changing with the Seasons...
For what ever reasons...

Changed when seven pounds
               of squirm and delight
         was cradled in my arms-
          five years ago that night

Instant Love as from Above
Never to cease, never to release
a 24/7 little boy, Tony Boy,
             (and Lucy too)
     Filling my life with Joy.

I wondered at times
      how it would be...
Retired...
     Just my wife
         and me.

And when I weighed the cost
Thought of the loss
Someone else called “Grandpa”.
The little voices saying “Grandpa!”, “Poppa!”
Rang louder still, louder beyond all measure
than all the sites and sounds the world could offer.

No other decision was possible to make
Than to spend my life raising my “children”
Building memories, building lives.
Instilling character the only way I know...
   Loving and living,
       and when necessary -- using words.

My “children” will live their life,
        living memories,  
        giving memories,
        creating memories,
of times when they were young
Saying,      “I love you Grandpa.”
                    “I love you Poppa.”
Hearing,   “I love you too my child.”
Knowing, “See you in the morning.”
                      Refers to Heaven.

“The greatest love you can show
is to give your life for your family.”
     (It is a paraphrase but
     consider the original Author.)

Going through my life
Looking for something different.
Going through the motions
Out of focus... badly bent.

Trying hard to be
someone else, you see
Not facing my demons
Not loving my self.
Searching, searching
with "ME" on the shelf.

Dark, invisible bars
always holding me back.
They're of my own making.
There seldom is a lack.

If I don't soon stand
on my own two feet
Where will I end?
What end will I meet?
      Will I be gone?


( the rest of the story


You picked me up
from the muck I was in.
You cleaned me up
I'm forgiven within.
You picked up the pieces
of my shattered life.
You put me together
without pain or strife.

I'm going, going, still going.
I'm going, going, still growing.
I'm going, going, gone,
To my Father side.
Where I reside.

What did your childhood sound like?


Did it sound like  a crowd cheering when you scored the winning point?  Or, the sound of your friend teaching you to roll a joint. The sound of sirens.  And it feels so right to be doing things wrong. The sound of the engine revving.  Or, the sound of a car radio blasting a new rap song about violence. Or, coming home to the sound of silence, because nobody's there. Or, the sound of the raspy voices in your head when you think nobody cares. Or, the sound of gunshots at nighttime that are to close for comfort. So you text all your friends to make sure no one is hurt.  Or, the sound of the school bell, The sound your feet make when you run out of the building like you're running from Hell, thinking who am I kidding i'll never be good enough.  Or, the sound of an envelope tearing open with your grade card inside. watching all of the color drain from your Dad's face including his pride. Or, the sound of him yelling, telling you that you're weak when he sees that first tear drop roll down your cheek. Or, the sound of your conscience calling you fat. Yeah, there's that. The sound of your stomach growling with hunger when you refuse to eat. " Jeez, you're so FAT you can't even see your feet ."

What did your childhood sound like?

Did it sound  like sticks held by police destroying your families poppy field? The sound of  your mom trying to silence your brother and sister when they squealed. All you want is to end all this pandemonium. What's even so wrong with *****? your whole family is addicted. But everyone was. There's nothing really to be convicted of. even the snakes and mice are addicts. does that mean the animals are also convicts? not to mention, where your from it's used as medicine. The sound of a Marine holding a gun as big as a machine saying it's just routine as he scans your fathers eye so he's easier to identify. He's just an ordinary Afghan. I'ts not like he's a Mad Man, You think. then you feel your heart start to sink to the pit of your stomach. As all of a sudden,  You hear the sound of you family crying. and you're watching your Father dying in front of you. killed, by Insurgents. An obvious divergence of opinions. As you wonder how they could even make that decision to take your Fathers life, right in front of his children and Wife. the sound of your stomach growling with hunger. any found food goes to your siblings because they're younger. the Poppies were your only income. You never cared about money, now you'd do anything to earn some. The sound of Marines teaching you to grow wheat instead. It's not the same but it's something to eat so you don't wind up dead.

No matter what your childhood sounded like, you're more then the things you've heard. no matter where you are in the world, you're not stuck there you're as free as a bird. No matter what you've been through, You're a survivor. Never give up, you were born a fighter. So, before you make judgmental misconceptions, remember there are no exceptions. It doesn't really matter what for, everyone you know is battling their own war.
© copyrighted *Nicole Ann Osborn

I sit outside the jail house, this Sunday afternoon.
I watch the parade of people, going in and out so soon.
The visits here, come and gone. Time swiftly passes on.
The sadness shows on each face for the one which they belong.

The mother walks with their child, quietly through the door
To see a father not coming home, for many days or more.
They sit and wait so patiently for their short time to be
For twenty minutes on the phone, their “daddy” they will see.

So close are they but yet so far, no touching through the pane.
Fingers spread, hearts are breaking, their future down the drain.
The question on the little lips, will daddy come home now?
Soon, we hope, my dear child, maybe next week, somehow.

The parents come to visit him, with thoughts of shattered dreams.
The hopes they had for many years, are gone, so it seems.
They put on a smile, push back fears, to keep alive some hope.
They wonder “why, what went wrong, how will we ever cope?”

The pain inflected, bad decisions, when drugs have taken hold.
Ruined lives of those around them, the broken promise told.
His family grieves the senselessness, of life’s potential lost.
Hope now seems a fleeting dream, the family pays the cost.

Then comes a chance from the judge, “six months” he did say.
“To turn your life around for those who care for you, today.
A broken promise turns months to years, so get it right this time.
Don’t let them down, keep hope alive, as from this hole you climb.”

A broken life, a shattered dream, seems lost in the eyes of man.
When darkness falls, and hope is gone, when all has hit the fan.
God can mend the broken life, He turns darkness into light.
Forgiveness comes to those who ask, through grace and mercy’s might.

For those who choose to dream a dream of a better life to see.
Those who choose to change their hearts, the chains fall off, they’re free.
They turn their back and walk away from the old life to sever.
Redemption is a choice away, where lives are changed forever.

The lizard approached
the beautiful tree..
made his play
you might say.
Started to climb
with such glee
intentioned to stay
all the day.
He then went limp
down he fell.
What had happened
no one could tell.
He was checked out
when he lost his function.
Found to have
a dreaded problem..
    ... called...
Reptile Dysfunction.
------------------------------------
The Lizard might have
stopped to See Alice
before the charge or his friend
Viguana.

(C) 03-2014. John stevens

When we look into today,
*Do our minds dial back to 16 June '76 to envision the torment
Our fallen heroes endured?

Is your vision blurred?
Mine isn't.

Their fight was just,
It was sacrificial
One by one they perished
But, even with blood and sweat slipping
Through their trembling fingers
They did not falter

They pushed boundaries
In order to create opportunities

They had a burning desire
For something greater,
For freedom
The freedom that we now bask in
Like it's just another day of leisure

"The youth of today are the leaders
of tomorrow", they say

Look in the mirror,
Are you really the leader of tomorrow?
Do you fit somewhere in that statement?

Me: No

Do we have the will to stand
Firm for what's right,
Against what's wrong
Or do we clam up, let the
Truth escape through broken doors?

We feed the stereotypes,
We fit perfectly into the stereotypes
We've been dubbed insubstantial,
Not layered, and one dimensional
What are we really after?
What are we doing to change that perspective?
No- what am I doing to change that??

Ask yourself, what would the
world have lost if you were not born?

Me: Nothing

But there are those who
understand that the meaning of "struggle"
Goes beyond the dictionary definition,
Those who look at the world
With crystal clear eyes
Those looking to make a difference
Those looking for a difference

We may be in freedom,
but we're not free at all
The chains are still bound to our
Wrists binding us from reaching
Out to the sun,
The chains are still tied to our
Feet hindering us from going further

We can stand united
Against the ****** government,
Against illiteracy,
Against poverty,
Against pointless wars,
Against abuse.
We can clench up our fists,
Ready to fight for what others
Led way for

I am, by no means, a beacon of
Hope (hypocrisy at it's best)
I'm uninformed, like they say
Ignorance is bliss
But I am not proud of it

We've come far since '94
We still can go further

"Together we can do more"

Before I knew You,
Your love reached out to me.
Before I knew You,
You waited patiently.
For me to see my need,
To trust You with my life.
Before I knew You,
My life was so empty

(C1)
Then You found me kneeling there,
Calling Your name in my despair.
You picked me up and held me tight,
Your touch, Your voice,
I saw the light.
Darkness was gone from my soul
Your grace, Your love,
Has made me whole.
----------------------------------
Before I knew You,
My heart was filled with sin.
Before I knew You,
You chose to take me in.
I’m a sinner saved by grace.
I trust You with my life.
Now I know You,
You changed my heart today.

(C2)
Now You find me kneeling here,
I call Your name I find so dear.
You pick me up and hold me tight,
Your touch, Your voice,
You are the light.
Darkness has gone from my soul
Your grace, Your love,
Has made me whole.
--------------------------------------
Now I know You,
You came into my life.
Now I know You,
You took away the strife.
There was no peace of mind
You knew my sorry life.
Now I know You,
Your gave me peace within.

(C1)
Then You found me kneeling there,
Calling Your name in my despair.
You picked me up and held me tight,
Your touch, Your voice,
I saw the light.
Darkness was gone from my soul
Your grace, Your love,
Has made me whole.
---------------------------------
Now I know You,
You have given life to me.
Now I know You,
Your blood has redeemed me.
Forever I’m set free,
To do Your will in me.
Now I know You,
Your love has transformed me.

(C2)
Now You find me kneeling here,
I call Your name I find so dear.
You pick me up and hold me tight,
Your touch, Your voice,
You are the light.
Darkness has gone from my soul
Your grace, Your love,
Has made me whole.

This is my mission statement: To help those who have no hope to understand that there is hope, to help others to know that their lives have purpose and value.

Hopefully, prayerfully, my writings reflect this.