i am a tree
i am an observer
i do not speak
i listen and listen
and wait patiently
for something to witness
as i stand still silently

i see
war and
**** and
****** and
suicide and
all brutalities,
caused by
human nature

but i see
love and
joy and
character and
movement and
all endless possibilities,
caused by
human nature

i do not have a voice
i cannot move
i can only grow
higher and higher
closer to the sun,
i can only change
the colours of my leaves
to aware others
of new seasons

i provide oxygen
for all these infinite beings
and i do not know
how many years i will
be rooted here
as an insignificant
on-looker

Love is the most used word in our daily life
Yet, when it comes to loving, we falter
Expecting something in return for our love
Is love’ so shallow?
‘Love’: “I do not expect”.
Can we measure the depth of ‘love’?
‘Love’: “My depth is “unfathomable.”
Do we really know the meaning of ‘love’?
‘Love’: “My meaning will be unraveled to the worthy”.
Who is worthy to ‘love’?
‘Love’: “I seek the worthy and enter their soul”.
Is there any language of ‘love’?
‘Love’: “I am the undefined, words can’t contain me.”
Who can ‘love’?
‘Love’: “Everyone is welcome to my world, I don’t discriminate.”
Why is there abuse of ‘love’?
‘Love’: “I am abused when they use my name to exploit.”
Is ‘love’ losing its relevance?
‘Love’: “Love is rooted strongly and can’t be uprooted.”
What is the future of ‘love’?
‘Love”: I am not bound by the past, present and future, as I am the way of life.”
Can we be healed by ‘love’?
‘Love’: Try me, I can heal the world.”
When did ‘love’ begin?
‘Love’: “I have neither beginning nor end; I am infinite.”



© Amitav (Radiance)

~

Saint of Light

Release these chains of tortured deeds
Along a sculpted veering hedge
On paths this darkness tends its breed
Of jagged cliff, so near that edge

For one false move, lurks footstep dread
Beneath the agony now shown
Within these eyes and lips of red
Heartless wishes winged and thrown

I offer thee a hand so warm
You maiden fair this winter’d breeze
To greet my heart within this storm
Unshackle those in firm release

To lie with me of feathered dreams
And take of all my soul can bare
Your beauty comes of all it seems
In flesh that I do long to share

For of thy ******* my mouth does meet
Aroused in pleasured flitting feast
Rose petal soft, magnolia sweet
To sooth the yearnings of the beast

Of endless days, to hold you near
Pure love doth conquer moistened *****
Melodic whispers call thy ear
Eternally we shall be joined

For I am called the Saint of light
Come taste the flavors scented mist
When now the full moon shines this night
And I partake your temptress kiss

I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon
in an attempt to change my life
after all it is that or death
I won't hold my breath

It's a beautiful day to head to the mall
with a friend
I really know where this is going

Hmm
I like that shirt
Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size
On to the next..
I really like these jeans..
Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up
What a mess!

Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the ***
I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead
I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled
"Fat *****" under her breath
Yes that's what she said
I didn't even turn my head
Because that's what the lady said
and that's what society says
and instead of trying to explain it's just
easier to walk away
it's the self hatred after I dread

So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing
and it is beyond delicious
though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it
and vomitting that **** up was viscous

Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin
I dreamed of being a model
I dreamed of having a flat tummy
Just to fit in
I didn't like the belly I had
or the fat in my cheeks
I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope
and that began a string of anxiety attacks
that would last for weeks

The doctor calls it insulin resistance
which leaves me with the inability to lose weight
but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition
I just shouldn't have to explain
not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees
which so happens to be genetic
and mimics the blood of a diabetic
leaving me incurable
a medical mystery
not to mention infertility
so for me
children are just a dream

Although I tell myself
that I am beautiful
and that I am intelligent
and that I am funny
and that I am a hard worker
and that I am successful
and that I am caring
and that I am loving
and that I am daring
and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have
To a stranger I'm just a "fat *****"
and you know what?
That makes me really ******* sad

some days even when
everything in my life is in a crescendo
a part of me feels numb

a small part of me is numb to all the love,
all the joys, all the sadness, all emotions
all I feel is this numbness that comes out of
"a deep emptiness"

I know I cannot fill this vast emptiness,
so I cry out to a something greater than myself,
eventhough I don't have a clue what that might be

I embrace my numbness and accept that
life cannot be lived in extreme highs and lows
I want to embrace stability and not reject it as boredom

But some days I just want crawl into bed and not wake up
I feel so numb, and I have to remind myself that
"feelings aren't facts."

So I get out of bed and go through the motions
hoping against hope that someday my "deep emptiness"
is filled with an abiding love that will fill me to wholeness