Red tongues lap at the black expanse above
With such a solemn viciousness the embers dance skyward
Tiny blazing bodies fleeing to the Heavens
From molten veins through charred crusts crumbling
Dark smoke glows before the sky stumbling plumes and intricate ballet spirals
Engulfing more and more the flames and smoke
Choking the blackened skeleton dancing through the beams like bones
The body of the house
The innards reduced to dust
The scene is captured in unblinking eyes, two great fire filled suns
A sombre popping sound emits past the roaring heat static
Expensive couch, cheap cushions, hours wasted choosing
Burning and shrivelling items that they had afforded so much time
Destroyed and gone forever
Singed leaves drift from their life giver’s arms and crackle into the inferno -
High above the scorched earth
A grassless ash pile growing slowly
The blaze radiates an orange glow over the surrounding domiciles
Visible from a far, the smoke more absolute than the night sky.

Without bricks, wood, plaster, concrete
Out alone – self ejected into the world
Heavy feet dragging across the street with light steps
Creaking beams collapsing behind the way wolves bay from the trees
And from the end of the street the flames appear blood red
As if terra firma had been lashed open
Arteries of molten fire
Festering scabs of ash
Torched from under the flesh of air casting coal colour veins
Further and further the slowly diminishing frame fades
And the streets open up to dark distant sentinels
Flanking the road and watching densely and unflinching  
There are flames in the night air
History burning with a bonfire smell
Sirens wailing a crescendo of blaring blue light to meet the hellish glow

When over the rail bridge
on the sky autumn blue
clouds floated in cotton pieces

I longed for home.

The port light tower
and the masts of anchored ships
made me keen to reach home
like a sailor long on the sea
disembarking with dreamy eyes
thinking if at all is one home
a tender lip awaiting his sunburned cheek
or if he would retrace to the waves
and someone waiting was only in his head.

I was at Remount Road an old station
with home not really that far
and disproportionately small to my yearning.

I was making a brisk walk
and when at the door
fell into a reverie of
rail bridge
anchored ships on the port
white on the autumn blue
and the small station
Remount Road.

So I shouldn't be angry,
Yet here I am.
And I shouldn't feel hurt,
Yet there goes a tear.

It's just nothing,
It's not important.
Just my insanity,
Nothing really valid.

But my chest feels heavy,
And there's a lump in my throat,
And I'm irritated and a little hurt,
But it's not like it matters
Because it honestly doesn't in the long run.

And I could say all these things,
And trust me, I will.
But I need to calm down,
And you need to sleep.

I'd rather hash this out now,
I'd rather tell you I'm a little irate,
A little *******,
And that a whole lot of me is hurting.

I'm trying to rationalize it,
I'm just clingy.
I'm asking too much.
This has been bothering me,
But it's not really that big of an issue.

It's just my low self esteem.
It's just my being blinded by those before you.
It's nothing it's nothing it's nothing it's nothing,
But I'm crying and I'm angry
And it sure does feel like something.

If I breathe I'll start sobbing,
And the tears will come faster.

Control.
This is the control I have now.

If I don't breathe,
I won't cry,
I won't move,
Besides my fingers on the keyboard.
If I don't breathe,
I won't cry.
But my head will hurt,
And I might get dizzy.

Control it.
Ignore it.
Shove it back down into the inky black mason jar
Where everything else bad about me lives.

I can't let it fester,
It's like an infection,
It will only get worse.
But I don't need to handle it right now.
I'll let you sleep,
And deal with it later,
When you're awake.

I know I should breathe,
But for now I will not.
This is my issue,
My problem.
If I ignore it,
The monsters can get to me and me alone
Later.