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 Apr 2014
calion
I.
you begin growing flowers
in a little garden,
in a *** on the kitchen windowsill,
in your hands,
in his veins,
in his heart,
in his head,
because you want him
only to think pretty little perfect thoughts.
you say that the garden
gives you something to do,
but I know that’s all he is to you.
just something to do.
just someone to make perfect.
you want to sit by
his bed and make sure that he gets
the perfect amount of
sun and
light and
water and
soil and
love and
nourishment and
I don’t know why
you and he don’t
break up; why he hasn’t
broken up with you
yet. you just want
to fix him.
that is not love

II.

you start
drinking coffee
more and
more and the little blue and pink striped coffee mug you use acquires
more and
more stains as you stay up past midnight
more and
more and “oh just one
more hour, I’ll go to bed.”
but that is
a lie.
it’s all a lie
my dear.
you say that the
coffee gives you energy,
but you said that about him
and you aren’t getting drunk on him
at 1 in the morning. you’ve been obsessing over him
and pretending that you do care, that you really love him.
you don’t love him,
you never have loved him.
you’re only using him
for your own selfish needs and you treat him
like the keurig you keep in your small apartment.
you’re with him because he
makes you feel young, he gives energy.
that is not love.

III.

you begin making hats
for your friends and
for your family and
for your colleagues and
for the **** addict two doors away and
for the homeless man you pass every day.
you say the hats occupy you,
but that's what you use him for.
you sit there with your
knitting needles
at his side fixing up his
"loose ends"
and then you give him away
to the world.
he is not a hat.
you cannot pick which perfect parts show
and make sure he is fixed before the world
sees him. he is
not a project to keep
you busy.
you only keep him so
you can make him perfect.
that is not love.

IV.

i begin telling you
that you are toxic for him,
you're ruining him,
you're making him
believe that since brokenness courses through him
he needs help. you cannot make him
hate him-
self even more than he does. you will ruin him
for everyone. i know you try to fix him
but you are breaking him.
he is naïve and he thinks there is something wrong with him
because you want to help him.
you make him
feel inferior by treating him
as such.
he is not a garden that you can nourish.
he is not a cup of coffee that you can use.
he is not a hat that you can make perfect.
he is a human.
treat him as such.
man, if i were lucky enough to be his,
he would not be treated inanimately.
he is a person.
love is not the same as fixing someone.
a romantic is not the same as a repairman.
your kind of love is not the same as my kind of love.
YOU DON’T LOVE HIM!!!
we all see how toxic you are
we all know what this love is doing to him.
you are so flawed in thinking
that you are actually helping him
live a better life. you are
not helping this boy
one bit.
you are harmful.
but we all knew this from the beginning.
you did this to me.
i was like a candle that
you decided
you could light whenever it benefitted
you. whenever
you needed me to be lit,
you would give me a fire, give me a spark. but as soon as
you were done with me,
you would put me out.
you cannot treat people the way
you do.
you cannot make them feel as worthless as
you do.
this love between you and he
is very toxic. you need
to fix yourself
and stop trying to fix him.
you’ve hurt dozens by
seeing them as
objects
and not as
people.
wrote this for an english assignment.
 Apr 2014
Diary of the Damned
They say a single picture can paint a thousand words
But they never tell you that words paint pictures
Ever changing galleries displayed for our mind's eye
Versions and variations, changing, just like meaning
For we do not always see the whole picture
Just as we misunderstand words from time to time
But the pictures manifest, and adapt to understanding
Like some morbid nightmare we wake to
Forever repeating the same day over and over
Where the final outcome is always different
Because we changed what made the day each time
In essence, we will never see the whole picture
Nor will we ever see it the way the painter intended
For the mind's eye differs from soul to soul
And, just as visiting groups debate
On paintings in galleries on display
Because each thinks they know the true meaning
So it goes for works of the verbal brush
Each of us thinking we know the details
Of every stroke and punctuation
Hues of emphasis on syllables
And tricks of light and shadow upon the whole
What we do not understand is both complex and simple:
It is our privilege to look upon these words
Each of us with our individual mind's eye
And see what we will see in what we've heard or read
Forming our own pictures, differing as they do
And discuss our experiences and understandings
With others honored to share the art
For that is exactly what it is, an honor
For someone allowed us a glimpse inside
Into who they are and what they feel
Or simply into the words a picture painted for them
Transformed by the verbal brush into works of art
The one rule so often broken is this:
Only the creator of each masterpiece
Knows it’s true, exact meaning
Criticism is invited, for that is why we are here
But it is ignorance to tell someone who they should be
And who we think they are because of their words
In other words, it is the art up for criticism
Not the creator of the art
For art is an expression, not a definition
Criticism is meant to be constructive, not destructive
Some works may be better or worse than others
But the people behind those works are equals
We each create our own pictures
Every word of every line a stroke on the canvas
To quote Miss Eternal:
"We are eternal. We are poets."
We should treat each other as such
Miss Eternal is a poet who was a part of a poetry blog I was also a part of several years ago who I have lost contact with as the blog no longer exists. The quote from her poem seemed appropriate, although I can no longer remember the title of the poem it came from due to the blog being no more to be able to find it, but I believe this poem speaks for itself. Criticism should be constructive and respectful, just as the criticism of criticism should be respectful and constructive, as well. Without respect of the poems being criticized, as well as respect between poets, there is no point in saying anything at all.
 Apr 2014
Diary of the Damned
Questions forever remaining
Lingering, though in the past
The answers have gone on unspoken
For questions you no longer ask
Doubts and uncertainties growing
Feeding from veins long since cold
These questions forever unanswered
The truth here will never be told
As I stand here looking down on you
Feeling the lesser by far
You should be the one standing here
And I should be where you are
This stone should be whispering my name
Not screaming yours into my mind
In failing to answer, I've lost you
In loss, I'm now losing my mind
I scream over and over I love you
As tears soak the ground where you lie
But my cries go on unanswered
For your love, unanswered, has died
This is an old poem, written in honor of my first love. Not a week before her passing, we finally told each other how we truly felt for one another  as more than just best friends.
Before we could share the love we felt in life together, and live the dreams we had been unknowingly sharing, she was taken from this world.
 Apr 2014
Kareena
Circling, circling*
Around and around
Eventually, you fall
And hit the ground
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon
in an attempt to change my life
after all it is that or death
I won't hold my breath

It's a beautiful day to head to the mall
with a friend
I really know where this is going

Hmm
I like that shirt
Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size
On to the next..
I really like these jeans..
Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up
What a mess!

Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the ***
I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead
I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled
"Fat *****" under her breath
Yes that's what she said
I didn't even turn my head
Because that's what the lady said
and that's what society says
and instead of trying to explain it's just
easier to walk away
it's the self hatred after I dread

So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing
and it is beyond delicious
though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it
and vomitting that **** up was viscous

Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin
I dreamed of being a model
I dreamed of having a flat tummy
Just to fit in
I didn't like the belly I had
or the fat in my cheeks
I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope
and that began a string of anxiety attacks
that would last for weeks

The doctor calls it insulin resistance
which leaves me with the inability to lose weight
but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition
I just shouldn't have to explain
not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees
which so happens to be genetic
and mimics the blood of a diabetic
leaving me incurable
a medical mystery
not to mention infertility
so for me
children are just a dream

Although I tell myself
that I am beautiful
and that I am intelligent
and that I am funny
and that I am a hard worker
and that I am successful
and that I am caring
and that I am loving
and that I am daring
and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have
To a stranger I'm just a "fat *****"
and you know what?
That makes me really ******* sad
Don't feel sorry for me, I am only speaking the truth.
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
SG Holter
Poet, be not afraid.
There are far worse things than
Bad poetry.

Keep writing; like a child keeps
Drawing with the purest of
Disregards to likeness.

The more stones you turn, the more
Gems you produce.

The more ink you rain,
The more gracious your written
Children grow.

All flexing builds muscle.

Rough bricks form castles.

Even Dalì carved canvases to shreds
And started anew
Not caring too much.
Not caring

Too much
To keep painting.
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
Last night I saw the moon cry
and this morning I watched the sun rise
That's how life is sometimes
You win some
You lose some
But the sun will always
Rise

(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
I live a double life because I cannot seem to choose
I have everything to gain
and I risk everything to lose
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
I am in love with you
but you are not mine
just like that
I have fallen

for

you

in a cold hotel room
I undressed and
became your prey
you devoured my heart
I became your slave

just like that
I submit

to

you

my mind is lost
in cigarette smoke
as we puff away the truth
my body aches from your abuse
I know you'll never call

just like that
I believed

a

lie

your answering machine
is quite lovely
you sleep so good in white
I look to the ceiling
and now I feel ugly


just like that
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
because
The words; they just keep coming
You feel the heat rise
From the pit of your insides
and you can't ignore it
in fact you adore it
The buildup of emotion
The release of commotion
It feels so good you scream
It doesn't matter who hears it
you know what it means
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
Like warm water from a soothing shower
Running down my skin
Like the pollen of a flower into the belly
Of the bee
You are everything to me
You are the sweetest sin
My love
Where do I begin
Becoming one is my favorite part
We make love with our hearts
You bite my shoulder
I move over
You pull me close
Don't let me go
Like sunsets on gleaming oceans
our toes sink into sand
My cheeks burn red
When you kiss my hand
Lead me not into temptation
But to the sweetest land
Where forever does exist
And roses never die
Where losers always win
And mothers never cry
Where I am you
And you are me
Where two bound souls
Are finally free

My love
Don't you know what you mean to me?

My love for you is undying
My love for you is true
My love for you will never fade
But it will always remain
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
One day
The pain just might take me
And the sun won't wake me
(C) Maxwell 2014
 Apr 2014
Luna Lynn
The delicacy of a daisy
The innocence of
Evening rain
Washed away in a sea of
Pain
Because he took it all away
It became elements of
Rot
And
Decay
The ghosts of past obscenities
Never disappeared
Haunted dreams
Reappeared
Daylight becomes the night
There is no sun for flowers
Not even water from the skies
Could cleanse away
The
Power
(c) Maxwell 2014
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