i want you to imagine standing in the middle of an already collapsing house, and having everything suddenly flip upside down; or after years of homelessness, picture yourself being told you had somewhere you could stay for good, only to wake up just before being handed the keys. these are some of dangers of making places out of  people.

1. don't ever turn a human being into a home unless you are prepared to be evicted without warning.
2. when you start to notice their arms taking the shape of a roof over your head, you have two choices: run, or wait for it to cave.
3. if they ask you to stay and burn with them, you have the right to say no.
4. it is not your responsibility to save anyone, and it is not your fault when you can't.
5. salvaging the photos from a house fire will only re-break your heart every time you pull them out to look at them.
6. when the basement floods, hold their hand.
7. if you are not a strong swimmer, remember that the difference between love and codependence is that one of then will drown you.
8. love will never drown you.
9. i knew this from the start but let you hold me beneath the waves in spite of it, just so you could stay afloat. i can't do that anymore.
10. i don't think i'll ever set foot on your hardwood floors again, but i'll pray that someone new moves in soon.

- m.f.

I brushed it off
I pretended it wasn't a big deal
I said you really had no reason to feel that way

But
I shouldn't have
It is
You do

The truth is
I didn't know what to say
Because
I feel the same way about you
People have deserted me
People have deceived me
My entire life
I have come to expect it
When you spend time with other people
I always feel the painful twinge
Of selfish jealousy
This jealousy, it's irrational and I know it
But that doesn't mean I still don't feel it
That's part of why I enjoy just being around you
That's why I spend a lot of my time with you
So that you can't forget about me
And leave

But who am I kidding
It's not like I am going to stop you
If you want to leave
You will

When you said that
I didn't know what to say
I failed to return your honesty
Because I didn't want to face the truth
Because I hate that you have been hurt
I hate that you too, have a reason
A reason to expect people to leave
A reason to dread it's seeming inevitability
I hate that I have given you a reason to leave
Because I have
I have been so selfish
Fully absorbed
In things the really don't even matter
I was ridiculously irresponsible
But instead of judgement or anger
You treated me with overflowing compassion and love
Things I haven't even earned
You told me about kissing R
You told me you still love T
And I was too drunk to really care
To give you an appropriate response
A thoughtful response
I abused your care
I abused your love
I've been so wrapped up in myself that
I've neglected to really ask
How are you?
Or maybe I did
But I didn't take the time
To really listen to the answer
Last night,
You were real with me
Like always
You confessed that you didn't want me to leave
That you felt like I was already floating away
And I just pretended like that was a stupid, silly thing to think
I shot down your honesty
I was too scared to actually address your words
Because
They cut deep
Right to the bone
I let you struggle with it
Alone
I went to bed
I ran
Hoping everything would magically be better in the morning
But it doesn't work that way
I was lying to myself
I was lying to you
Two things
I'm all too good at

I have a deep-seated desire
For you to think
That I'm all good
That I'm okay
That I'm starting to figure this whole life thing out
But I'm not
And you know
You know me so well
And I know you know
So there is no sense in hiding
In pretending
In being afraid
You have poured all of yourself into my life
You have promised to be there
Always
And I have let you down
I wish I could promise this will be the last time
That I won't mess it up again
But in the spirit of being honest
That's probably not true

But I believe
I believe love has the power to overcome
Love prevails
And I love you.
I really do.
Not a superficial love
But a strangely trusting love
The kind of love where your smile makes me smile
The kind of love where simply your presence changes my day
An overwhelming love
An all-encompassing love
You are my sister.
And I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I really, really love you.

If I could hug you forever
I would
If I could cling to you,
Covered in your comfort,
Covered in your protection,
Forever
I would
If I could love you
Forever
I would

And I will

If you let me,
I will

Please believe me,
I will

And someday
We will be wrinkly, old ladies
Swaying back and forth
Riding rocking chairs on your front porch
Still cracking up at each other's dumb jokes
Smiling
Trusting
Living

Don't be
A mole.

I hate moles.

They burrow
And
Scavenge
And
Live in the
Dark.

Thats just
What you did
To my heart.

You burrowed
Deep,
Down to the center.

You set up camp.
And I didn't know
You were a mole.
I thought maybe you were
A
Straw,
To ****
Bad things
Out.
So I kept you warm
And waited calmly for the
Bad stuff to
Dissapear.

But I realized
That
You were a
Magnifying glass,
To emphasise
My flaws

And you were
A
Seam-ripper
To
Pull the patches
From where
I had already healed,
To make the scabs
Bleed
Again.

And I thought you were
A
Jigsaw
And you were broken
So I could fix you
And put you
Together.

Like a
Vase,
Easily
B
r
o
k
e
n.

And
Then
You left me.

Like a
Tooth
Full of
Cav it ies.

That
Space
Next
To
My heart

No longer full.
And you
Didn't depend on me,
No longer a tapeworm.

I miss you.
Like
You
Were
Mine.

But you were
Never
Mine.

Roommate Wanted;
Dorm includes:

Kitchen,
      With complete set of
      appliances and a table
      meant for two.

Living Room,
       with a coffee table , tv
       and the sofa we used to
       watch movies and cry on.

A Bathroom,
      with hot water and
      lonely showers.

A bedroom,
      with a half empty
      king sized bed

And closet space
     which used to house the shoes
     you walked away from me in.


For inquiries please call this number:

when your heart is heavy
and your mind is blank
and the words just will not come
sadness is too strong a term
for the emptiness that drowns you
thankful for the distance in between
for the moments in silence
without harshness
without the verbal daggers
gaping wounds begin to scab
grated off with the next conversation
each exchange naught but a reminder
of a past that held a different future

I've stuck around for so long
even though I've wanted to leave
because I don't want to hurt anyone,

but I broke his heart
I let her down
I lied to him
I made her cry
I hurt them
I hurt them
I hurt them...

And I don't know what to do
because I'd hurt them by leaving,
but I hurt them by staying, too.

Write her a love note
dance in her dreams
drink up her thoughts
walk the maze of her eyes
    and get lost

Ask her about her day
Learn about her life
Swim in the sea
of her aspirations

If you always listen to her heart
She'll always take care of yours

You asked me why I don't eat meat
and I told you that I can't stand the idea
of being the reason
a living creature gets hurt.
You told me
They'll get killed anyways
and I didn't have a good argument
other than
I just don't want to be the reason.

You asked me why I felt so guilty about the cuts on your arm
and I told you that I can't stand the idea
of being the reason
a living creature gets hurt.
You told me
I would have done it eventually anyways
and I didn't know what to say
other than
*I just never wanted to be the reason.