You would text me
Out of the blue
Saying you miss me

But i know you don't
You don't miss spending time with me
You don't miss having me around

What you miss is my body
You miss the *** we had
You miss the way i made you feel

So don't text me saying you miss me
Because you don't miss me at all

You only miss the lust we had

i turn to find myself
facing me
erasing who 
i thought i'd be

Give me the boot and I'll walk out the door
You won't have to see me anymore
I will run away as far as I can
To El Dorado or Wonderland
I'll leave the cruelty and unfairness behind
In search of peace that here couldn't find
I will rub a lamp and make a wish
And a genie will fix all of this
I'd give anything to make the pain go away
Despite my efforts it is here to stay
I don't want to fight with you despite what you think
But we go round and round like we're at a roller rink
When trouble comes knocking I panic and hide
And wait but the struggles never subside
I long for a sanctuary but instead get a cell
This house is a hell I've come to know all too well
Tears soak my pillow
I'm chilled to the bone
Even around family
I still feel alone
Nails pounded into skull
Another headache drags me down
Misery floods this spinning room
Afraid that I might drown
Broken beyond repair
Something's always wrong
It seems like everyone expects
Me to **** it up and be strong
That used to work but I am much weaker now
I want to make you proud of me but I don't know how
Stuck chasing my tail in circles while you hope
I will get better but we both know I won't
Viewing life in shades of red
Why can't it fade to black?
I don't have enough muscle to carry
Weight of the world upon my back
Singing sad songs systematically off key
Somehow forgotten what comes after Do Re Mi
In my heart sorrows move and make ripples all throughout
Waves form as memories kick and thrash about
Even if life relents a little and shows me some room to breathe
As soon as I relax I find myself between turmoils teeth
Poor judgement leads me to the worst destinations
Have only self to blame for present ruination
Eyes blinded by expectation and comparisons to the past
Eagerly jump to conclusions too fast
Too many failures tallied like marks
Then rubbed in my face with spiteful remarks
Arguments come and go without a moments notice
Sometimes feel as if I am under hypnosis
As if it is another host in my body residing where I stand
Answering some evil inaudible command
When all innocence has been hidden somewhere too dark to seek
I just continue to lose myself week after week
Have to wonder where the hell I went wrong
I used to laugh and it didn't feel wrong
Still wear a smile but it's as fake as fool's gold
My frozen hand is too cold now to hold
A few more goodbyes and I'll be swept away with the wind
Stagnant air coats my lungs as I breathe disappointment in
But I think I am ready to finally take off my mask
And tackle questions I always silently pray people won't ask
My poker face was never the best
It's about time I show my cards
Because I am exhausted from bluffing
I'm letting down my guard

They say time heals all wounds
Honestly that is *******
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do
Pain has dug too deep of a pit
There are instances where you lack the strength
Or can't find a foothold to climb
The distance up is just too great of a length
And then what good is time?
Some cuts never quit bleeding
They just slowly run dry your veins
Every day the sting keeps on repeating
Years pass yet the hurting remains the same

I never asked to be born