Repeating
the same mistakes.
Everyday
feels I'm speeding
on a roundabout
Physics might disagree,
but I think if I speed enough,
I can crash into my past self;
stop her from ever starting
this vicious cycle.
I wonder
why it all started
what made me ride a ferris wheel
when I was afraid of heights?
was it the idea
of a view?
missing out on something I never knew?
The first time,
height was just a dimension
I felt limitless;
I discovered a new invention.
The view wasn't green grass,
or blue skies
it was a dark beard
and blue eyes
I thought to myself
"I never want this to stop"
so I got into my car
and tied my hands
to the wheel
he sat in the passenger's seat,
smirking at my addiction.
I thought his smiling,
was a happiness depiction.
with time
it started feeling consuming,
the fear of crashing;
I wasn't afraid of dying,
I was afraid of killing
the only person
who made me feel alive
.
.
.
Today,
I'm in a speeding car
driving in circles
In the passenger's seat,
is a bag of *****
and he's nowhere to be seen
I am still not afraid of dying,
but I choose to live