if you fail once,
stop trying altogether;
distance yourself from those who care
and keep
running
away.

never get close
or let anyone in
that way you'll never feel pain again-
for a soul can only break so much before it shatters.

fill yourself up with the sins of the world
they'll give you an illusion of happiness,
enough to keep going into your next dismal day.

****
yourself
slowly;
let each breath feel like a knife to your heart -
know only pain in a world full of suffering.

let the darkness overwhelm
until it begins to feel like home
and make your bed
in a pit of despair.

cry yourself to sleep,
and smile during the day -
suffer,
but let no one know.

...If you wish to lose yourself to your dreams,
Lost souls asleep do drift,
With those memories that gleam,
I won't be hiding as the doses I admire
sate those craving of desire; find your game.

We got this glow in our house,
The entire crowd is out,
All the feens are
up for it,
I know you love it when it's kickin' off.
I like your reckoning
because we're buzzin' and there's nothing here to stop,
To stop this.

And everything works out, be sound,
I wear the symbols just because.

...The way we are, the way we seem,
Fill this nothing with our dreams.
The buckfast and spliff do their rounds
in the gaf where we all sit
as we get ****** and love it.

And everything works out, be sound,
Everyone can put their hoods down
here.

I’m not making it easy
and you know,
for once I’d like to be free
instead of standing here
letting you pick
through my neck
Maiming the base
to the decision
I'm about to make

I stood sturdy like a scarecrow
You picked me strand by strand
left me arid of any features
stuffed yourself in my straws

Coming around
like this is where you wanted to be
And so then I
let you build your nest on me                                      

But oh you wild bird,
you always flew away

In fields of green
I stood a wretch
And it wasn’t until dawn
arrived again
that I could hear your
haw caw caws in their mocking tone

Didn't have to soar with you to know
The stench the wind rolled up is enough

So, I renounce this broom shank
and broken stave for bones
Dislodge from this one peg foot
and slam it into the grave

Fly away, you stupid bird
Build your nest on someone else
This scarecrow of a woman
is past her season

Beneath the mask quivers and shivers weak and fragile flesh
Frigid and frozen with chills of fear.
I am crippling in-security secured, where they countlessly hide and whisper at the endings of each breath
Riddles veiled with gleams of chemicals disposed and recomposed between night and day,
Until the light hits it and the wind gusts it and incessant defections rise from the deepest depths of my horrific broken authenticity.
And they are all staring at me.
But this time not into the toxicity of my rusty razor eyes.

Beneath the mask is where my falling tears secrete
Pouring vacancy as a smile that feels more like a cracking cut that screams, "I do not belong here" , forms and quietly disarrays.
Buried, piercing eternal reminders that what is shrouded is and never will be clean.
Dig far enough and you'll unravel my roaring encrypted codes.
I want to feel the inner me. I want to let go. So please let me go.
I'm sick, surveying perplexed eyebrows and transient smug slugs that pass through me like a hundred and five venomous knives.

Beneath the mask rests squashed hope branded in the never seen.
Examine the clothed truth that's mounting me into a false entity
If only this was an illusion derived from my bitter history.
But the lights begin to flicker as endless passing heads and lifeless expressions come and go. Stop requested.
The laughing fluorescence continues.

Beneath the mask, recycled empty, plasticity.
Carried with titanium, Styrofoam delirium, impalpable veined elasticity.
And if you come close enough you may just see,
From the scabs and scrapes of doom that are bombarded by and masqueraded with false decadence.
Clipping the wings of individuation,
Don't label me innocent.

Beneath the mask are humorous symbols, layered with obscurity and decay residue.
Of shattered dreams and scattered stars drenched in solitude.
Guide me to the darkness so I can feel blended in, meaning comfortable in my own crumbling skin, and once again soak into my unsuccessful fantasies.
Cause I am stifled from a thousand suffocating bandages weighing me down,
I am the under-works of the ground, sleeping in the soil.
Like meds morphed into led, showered with alcohol.

Beneath the mask it is hard for me to breathe
It is hard for me to belong and it's hard for me to believe
Seek and create your deciphers and you will find deception draped in reverie.
But I've been inflicted with a mistaken realism.
Destined for something that will seemingly never ever be.

I am captivated behind nauseating smirks and painful smiles
So today please let me astray so I can remove this mask for just a little while?