Having a health "problem"
I can handle this
Try to keep working
Yes, I know I've been late a few times
So exhausted... fatigued...caffeine
or ***? Too tired lately...
many nights lacking somnus
used to be such a lovely escape
I stay late,
always get hours
and overtime
never forget to explain present circumstances...
not excuses...
Father told me
We must be dignified, stoic
Or try to be at least

No backup plan
or graceful exit strategy
not impossible if I need another job
to have smooth transition
no 9 months of vacation, sick leave...
no 401K advanced,
or generous severance
a little saved
I'm adaptable, capable
husband gone...meager
weekly contributions
resigned... thought crazy?
maybe I was...clinging to "principles"
not a tech analyst anymore...by choice
was I high?

apply for "rights"?
Yeah sure
FMLA...
Family Medical Leave Act
I know it well
Took time off this way before
when our child was ill
while I was working
at a HUGE health insurance company

5 years working here now
Nothing but Golden reviews
Great Bonuses
with Excellent pay
no vacation or sick time
I need to work every weekend and Holiday
required
and I gotta cover shifts
work off the clock sometimes
at night... and when called upon
At the owner's house
houses... I mean

Volunteering for big events
Exciting...HGTV...
rubbing elbows with Celebrities
Thinking that I would be part of this family forever...so naive still
Hoping I'd finally shine
Already Head Inn Supervisor
Do everything, know all the jobs
Hardly glamorous..
I'm proud of working at this High End Hospitality destination location

But Event Coordinator...
I am over qualified for both really
but too good at my job
I pulled staff to do a project...
She was AMAZED
He told me and no one's ever polished those beams
My heart sank and lept
Day-to-day functions
might be my new thing...

A quagmire to walk on
I'm sinking
dropped into a legal mare's nest

Shouldn't have said anything
about being "sick"...
We need to talk to you
Alright
30 days till Christmas
spent most of bonus
things could be worse

Disbelief, not connecting yet
Tears start coming
like a deluge of pent up sacrifices
time I lost
and such costly prices
all seem so unappreciated
Breathe

Why in the world did I spend
so much on a gift for them?
Just a written warning
Never before
I'm just afraid
No having that...
Take a pill or something

Collusion?
or coincidence?
New trainee...
though I'm not training her?
We are... very busy
They just want me to take a look
and make sure she's doing a good job though and pick out her mistakes
Don't forget to finish
writing those guidelines...
or getting Dr. signed off on those rights

new phone number
leave it with her on a piece of paper
reluctantly agreeing hand over that ink
feel instinctively she doesn't like me
we have disagreed before
says she let me know if the staff I called in doesn't show up to cover my shift
no one called
not even to ask where I was
quiet as an empty church mouse...

went into work on Monday
they thought I actually
didn't show up for work
good one, very funny
you never left us your number

On the piece of paper I left it with her
She denies it...
well could have predicted that
B*!!!
I find the crumpled, bloodstained, tear soaked evidence in the recycling
they grab the bin...out of my hands?
Seriously?
say that doesn't prove ANYTHING?
Now I'm just ****** the f off!!!

Second time called on carpet
Keep working
To hell with them
What was that he said?
Disappointed in my life choices?
Oh... I didn't want to sleep with him right.
Most reasonably attractive girls
that have worked there did
disappointed in me...because jealousy
  dating a younger guy
my family doesn't mind but he does?

Make sure I'm clocked in on time
and leave on schedule
2 more weeks till a rest
work Christmas Eve
then Christmas
you know other staff has
"more important" things
their children are younger
or something

another talk...oh, well a good one
I hope... being Christmas
Demoted?
What's that?
I don't think I understand?
One day a week?
Is this a f** joke!?!?
Oh....right because I wanted Medical leave..well,
I can put that off whatever.

No...that isn't why
No tears...
then...

So angry, fuming
as darkness is looming
yelling at the void of listeners
dignity? Stoic?
Sorry Dad...
as maniacal laughter...
those demon poet's
snicker at such an unpoetic ending

Done...
Convenient replacement, already trained
then go on a "vacation"
they own land in Holland
grow tulips...
still reaping Tulip mania benefits?
no "un"- employment,
wasn't fired
I guess I quit
since I never got another shift
though I apparently
was "scheduled" for a couple
maybe their phone was broken
I certainly was

I just was infuriated
and that guitar playing
Lil boy blue
bright eyed
peter pan
my younger boy wonder...
he was disappointed too
well thanks for the Charlie Brown tree
nice knowing you...
you beautiful burden
you haven't worked in how long?

I ripped down that twig that night
it was the ending and the beginning of EVERYTHING.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

We yell self righteous notes
When we peek within everyone is dying of sin
Broken is the helping hand
Let's pretend to be complete

Good judgment comes from experience, experience from bad decisions
This whole ******* life is a contradiction
It's an oxymoron at every turn
Every decision only gets you burned
If in old age you manage to arrive
That's when life's lessons are realized

The young are bound in the futility of it all
Never seeing the cliff before they fall
Not wise enough to know
God clipped our wings before the throw
He turned everything upside down
When he placed us on this hellish ground

We all where marked
You can't see the light unless your in the dark
You don't appreciate the sun's rays
Till you've stood in the storm for days
Without pian you wouldn't relish the pleasure
Without work, there would be no leisure
What is good, if taken to much only leads to bad
Giving love away leaves you with more than you had
The act of forgiveness is not for the one that hurt you
But heals your soul before its through

So do the best you can in life
Even when it equals strife
For this world will keep you spinning
For the score card is plain, death is winning

But don't you worry, I'm sure that's an oxymoron too
When deaths door we pass through
Real living then will we ensue
In death there will be no rest
This life is but a test
For the oxymoron weaves it's way through it all
Even when death at your door calls

.

She watched as the poor stood at the back of a truck and
received their portion of rice
and thought,
now that’s nice

Then gazed as the middle class pulled up to a window
and were handed burgers, fries and shakes
and thought,
that’s all it takes

She then smiled as a white gloved, tuxedo wearing
handsome young man presented her with
roasted duck with pork and lentils,
macaroni and brie with crab, mushroom risotto with peas
and pomegranate pavlova with pistachios and honey
becoming a happy observer
and thought,
it’s so nice to have a private server

Get rid of them all,
We do not need these vermin with their rituals and ceremonies,
Pish posh their just a waste of money,
We spend our dollars to "conserve" culture,
Why,
When we have pride in our own,
Throw the beasts out,
Let us alone rot in our culture,
While the world prospers and grows relations,
We promote our culture with pride,
Ensuring we establish our culture in the minds of all,
Abolishing the infection that reeks the minds of all who are not U.S.

"It's like a greeting of a new born baby.
For the first time it's placed in  your hand
you smile and would give it a name if you can.
What come s next is you show your beautiful
newcomer to all family, and friends.
Who wants to hold it, while you want to protect it.
It seems to never end.
To a cell phone. It's on vacation each, and everyday
of the week.
You check into the finest hotels, eat at 5 star restaurants, and
is pleased just walking down the street.
When it's time to end your day, you place it on your
night table, not too far away. Tuck yourself in while the night comes to an end.
Waking up in the morning you first yawn, then reach
for your cell.
You gently take off the charger as if your changing a
baby's diaper.
Then you wait for it to speak, hoping to hear good
news while you were asleep.
All is well. A brand new day is to begin. You both jump
out of bed, make it to the kitchen table where "You And Your Cell"
will have your regular, bacon and an egg."

Decisions decisions

The butcher chose to remove the tail first today

He was a teller of tails.

He once told of a tail so long that he had to chop it with a French curving blade

The one he bought from Trevor down by the market.



Next the butcher decided to remove the left ventricle

"My mother always said I should have been a surgeon" he lamented

but she was a heartless old cow,

unlike this old cow.

He removed the ventricle.



Next came it's walking boots

Leather boots... Ironic

These boots were made for walking,

but where to?

Away... Just away.



Finally he decided to take the cows head,

and in its eyes he saw his reflection,

covered in blood,

tired,

rough.

Doing things some people would detest him for.

He looked at that man and thought to himself

"Is this what I want to be?

Is this all that I am?"

The question hung in the air with the smell of raw beef.

And he smiled and said,

"This is what I am. I'm happy with this."

And he hung the meat in the window to show his craft.

Who dares wake me from my pitiful dreamless sleep,
You wake me just to ask me if I'm "okay",
You skip in my room gallivanting while I toss and turn pondering the meaning of my life,
"GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" I yell, realizing there's no one else but me,
So I continue to toss and turn and you start to laugh,

I start talking aloud to myself asking you why your doing this to me,
I begin to mumble to myself about possible answers,

My so called loving "son" took me to a specialized doctor to check my mental state,
I know that even if my son told me in a very childish tone,

The doctor was just here to ask me some special question and if I answered all of them we would go out for lunch,

I gave him the finger and still answered all the questions "truthfully",
I didn't want the doctor to get off that easily,
We didn't go out for lunch later,

Your just tormenting me you realize every time I think you exist the closer I get to becoming insane,

So you laugh on,
Prance on around my room,
Beconing me to drive myself to look at nothing.

Oh mere mortal who plays with lives
Asperations of god you try to strive
Deciding on who lives and who dies
Shame on you for what you decide

You may bring life, but you also cause death
As old folks lives decided like russian roulette
But you cover your ***** deed as loved ones are upset
Lives devastated whilst you sleep soundly in bed.