And as the sun shone
I whistled a melody
It's notes were laughter.
And as the wind spoke
I teetered 'long the pond's edge
whistling smiles.
And as the clouds roamed
I wrote poems in the sky
Whistling his name.

I love him.
But secretly I adore you.

We are different.
But you and me are parallels.

He is complex
But you just understand.

He is all style
But you are substance.

He is all facts
But you are creative.

I don't know what do to.
But I know I'm lying.

I consumed your agitation, drew it from your lips.
As i felt the round edges of your aching desire.
You held nothing back as you took my love
And led me to an ocean of burning fire.
Our love consulted with our hearts
And they all agreed,
This love we have can't by others be acquired.

I have always loved you.

I imagine us 30 years down the road.
I am massaging your shoulders,
relieving knots.
Life gets me in knots too.

I've put the kettle on
I have my own key now so I come and go as I please
like the old friend I've become.
I feed your cat when you go away at weekends.

Smelling your pillow
Remembering you at 40.
Your dressing table
as I pictured it.

I have my own family now
but I met you 10 years before I met my wife.
I rode the wave of your smile,
came crashing down
the day you announced you'd met someone,
holding out for the real thing.

For; I was just a boy,
what could I deliver apart from newspapers
and the odd dodgy innuendos? you laughed at
tossing your hair.
Humouring me
but,
Never letting on that you cared.

I slip away every second night
when the second hand rests between the 8 and the 9
and it is quarter to 10.
I am on my way to see you.
We play cards and toast a drink into midnight.
Sometimes I reach for your delicately aged hand
twiddling with your rings,
knowing mine would have been the sparkly one.
But not a patch on you.

We lock eyes for around a minute,
My throat is dry.
Telepathically I tell you
I have always loved you.
Whether you are 45 or 75
I will always love you.

Frustration chiseled on her face
Depression in her eyes, purple blotches underneath
Those feelings she locked inside, its a prison in her mind
Passerby's watch, I see her teeth shine
The wind blows through her graceful hair
Flowing freely against the air
Her eyes so bold, when she sees something she wants
All appears too far and out of sight
Despiteful with a cold heart
She no longer trusts, and on her own
She believes shes alone
In her own world, here stuck on planet Earth
I could see that she doesn't presume herself of any worth
Eyes remain steady, her motions remain still
Emotions are there but left undetected
Her mood like a rainy day,
I watch the tears wash away
Turning all her surroundings gray
Is there still hope for life as all precious memories decay
Detached from the world, she wants to be erased
Yet, still in my mind
Her figure remains

just want

to kiss
you

and hug
you

and be with
you

Always

You
light up my
World

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray I'm not in too deep.
I just always end invested.
The feelings never leave me rested.
I toss and turn every night,
Just hoping that you're alright.
Why do I have to be so nice.
I've made this mistake more than twice.
I'm afraid it's too late to change.
I've always been a bit strange.
It's probably my largest fall,
But I guess it's not bad at all.
It's because of you my mind's mayhem,
Thank you lord, amen

How sweet is the sound of silence?
Enchanting it is at first,
But granted some time for further inspection
One can encounter the worst

What happens when your trapped in the dark
With no hope to find your way out?
My friend, this is where you'll quickly discover
What silence is truly about

For your thoughts are very poisonous
And can tear you apart inside
With whispers of death stabbing your ears
There's no where left for you to hide

Where silence is no longer silence
But the screams of a dying soul
Where moments are spent in agony
As you drown in it's gaping black hole

Time is never-ending
And "lonely" is newly defined
Where you cry for help as people pass by
And willingly leave you behind

You struggle to maintain your sanity
As the darkness quickly seeps in
And your mind is fighting to stay alive
As it's filled with every last sin

Where the fear of being alone
Is far greater than any other fear
For the demonizing sound of silence
Is the worst you will ever hear

Psychobabble in progress. Waiting for the flow......

Slow and steady but I feel like a hurricane.
In order to express I have to dig,
so much under my walls with such itty-bitty living space.
I catch my subconscious thinking inspiration is a race.
Though, that frame of mind is hard to avoid in such a place.
And ostentatious race, needing metaphorical mace.
So many wolves, it's hard to know what's looking for love and what's looking to feed.

I don't understand the part of me that gets so completely chaotic whenever I try to let someone in. I tell myself it's because there's no new found security in our relationship yet but part of me knows it'll still be there once we get past it (this time I really feel like we will). I don't want to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. There's an indescribable feeling of chaos, it's beautiful, but it's still chaos. I beat myself up for acting so clammy. So much warmth under an ice cold exterior. It's so frustrating, there's walls not even I can penetrate sometimes. My own scar tissue has a lot more control over me than I thought. I'm almost there, I'm ready for it. There's just something about not having a firm foundation to stand on quite yet that kind of makes me feel like a fish out of water at times.Today I'm fluctuating between feeling beautiful and like totally chaos. I just hope he's patient when dealing with such delicate merchandise.

I have a tendency to forget that others are just as vulnerable as myself.

Bittersweet
My life is an act
I’m not who I say I am
I’m like a smart idiot.
If only you realized
Behind the laughter, jokes and immaturity
Lay a quiet, emotional kid
Who sits outside every day
And watches the sun set,
vibrant orange and brilliant red,
big bands and sharp streaks,
taken directly from a rainbow.
I can only rarely come out of my shell in person
Because cruelty and bullying, cunning and evil
Lie in wait
Waiting to destroy my vulnerable self
and shatter it into a million pieces.

I put on that fake smile
Hoping someone would notice.
Hoping someone would care.
But the people that seem to fall into my life
Never really do.