Let the embers die
there's no need to say goodbye
what's done, is done now
there are no more tears left for us to cry

the winds of change have blown
uprooting all that once held true
the final song and dance are almost over
yet letting go is still hard to do

When you're up on stage,
It's like time slows.
Your breathing is more focused,
Your heart beats a little faster.
You go out there and own it and do your very best,
Because there's no point in embarrassing yourself,
With a little pity thing called fear.
The rush of adrenaline pours over you,
And like that you're addicted.
You crave the curtain opening,
And the applause at the end.
Your heart drops when you miss a line,
Or fumble on a word.
The stage becomes your life,
And consumes you,
As if acting was a drug.

The other day I woke up to the smell of your absence clinging to my skin. I took 8 showers that day and I am still not quite sure if it's possible to feel a phantom limb where there wasn't one in the first place.

2. The way that squirrels cross the street makes a lot of sense all of a sudden. I'm sure no one told you that you have a way of making their skin crawl in the most desperate way. I still can't eat on your side of the bed without choking on the residue your dreams left.

3. I read the obituaries like I used to read the creases your smile left, they're not meant for me.

4. Stars manage to keep their deaths a secret for years I wish I were as committed to forgiveness as they were. I stuck my hands in scalding water today and left them there until they begged for redemption, it sounded a lot like your name.

5. It took me two years to find out your middle name, that is not a metaphor. I used to think that the slower I said it the sweeter it would taste. I stick my fingers down my throat hoping to find the words you left there I'm so sorry for being too weak to say them back then I'm so sorry they couldn't make you stay. I drew highway maps on the palms of my hands that led me right back into my own arms, how is that for irony.

6. Television.

7. Lips that don't bruise when they touch my own, I want a love like a car crash. I want painful, and desperate, and no good for me, I want to not want this.

8. I've blown out so many candles I'm suprised I haven't put all the stars out yet. If the universe were capitalist shooting stars would be marketing to my demographic. I would be the poster child for wishes that will never come true.  

9. Novels that end exactly as you hoped they would

10. Nearly 160,000 people died in the 1945 bombing of Hiroshima, Japan. 69% of the city was left in ruin. The radiation caused by the explosion was said to effect those living in Hiroshima for the next 30 years. From what I know, hospital walls are lined with cynicism and pain and I can't think of anything worse than oblivion than near oblivion.

someone said to me today;
i can tell by the way you look at him dear, you f^cking love him. your eyes sparkle every time he smiles at you and you seem to just light up just by hearing his name.
you are in love with him.
you are in love with his personailty,
with his quirks
the faces he makes as he laughs
with his cheesy freaking jokes
with the way he writes
even when he is serious.
you are in love with him.
and their is no way denying it.
- by this girl

You are my best distraction
Sweet honest Austin
With your hair
And those eyes
So good
So nice
But when the lights are turned off
And we have said our
Goodnights
I still bury my face in my pillow
And let out long wailing cries
Cause you can't really fix me
I long for my true makers hands
But fear keeps me at bay
I guess I'm forced to go
The straighter and conservative
Way.

Where does time begin and end?
Then the memory will start to fade.
Does it on our lives depend?
Or can time even fully spend?

Does time begin where memories do?
Memories of games we've played.
Do we have it misconstrued?
Will time forever continue?

My perch up here is so
precarious. Though you led
me to this now, so surefooted upon
the steep trails we have
not dared broach for
these long months, I am scared
the warm sound of your voice
will soon fade, and here
on top of the world without
a hand to hold, though now
I am giddy, it will grow cold. You see,
on top of the world makes
it so much easier
to fall.

I built myself a house with a door that never unlocked
And a welcome matt that said come in
I guess you could say I'm a tease at heart
If you could ever reach my heart that is

There were no blinds on the windows, but there was no way past the bars
You could look in from in between their iron teeth
You just couldn't get past their reach

I laid out teacups in a perfect line, and hung pictures of us on the wall
You could see throw pillows on the couch
And you could see my bedroom door

I built myself a door without a doorknob
And a room without a light

So when you sat on the sidewalk and said you loved the living room
And you love what I've done with the place
I could fall asleep in the darkness of a heart you couldn't touch
Where there's nothing beautiful to see

"Colored"

E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y         X

F-R-E-E-D-O-M           X

I-N-T-E-G-R-A-T-I-O-N   X

S-E-G-R-E-G-A-T-I-O-N     ✔

O-P-P-R-E-S-S-I-O-N         ✔

I-N-E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y          ✔

"Colored"

Stop trying to remember his scent, he smelled like summer and reminds you of the time he made you laugh so hard, you snorted out milk on that dead, hazy day.

2. Don't waste your day trying to decipher what colour his eyes were, it'll only remind you of the galaxies and constellations that you once saw in his eyes

3. Stop trying to retrace the shape of his mouth in the middle of the night, you'll choke on your tongue trying to taste the mint he devoured seconds before pulling you in for a kiss

4. Stop reliving the times you clasped hands together, the glass plate will fall off your trembling hands.

5. Burn this list, admit that the galaxies and constellations shining in his eyes were wilted, the one in yours are bursting with fire. Remember on the dead, hazy day his laugh sounded like nails running down a chalkboard. Remember when you kissed, the weeds growing from his mouth entangled the roses blooming in yours.

Realize that one day, another boy is going to come and plant daisies where he left behind thorns.