My clothes are unclean,
My hair is messy,
My nails are uncut—you can see.
I know I was never an apple of your eye, never part of your tree.

But now my clothes are clean,
And I have learned to do some laundry.
My hair is *******, but sometimes, I let it be free.
You have started telling me I have become an apple of your eye,
And now a part of your tree.

All I wanted to say to you is—
Let me be. Let me be me...

do you know the weight of it?
clawing your way up
test after test,
year after year,
to be the perfect reflection of the dreams they have for you,
those that are now your own.
where your worth now hangs.

when they see the prize,
they say, 'oh it comes so easily to her'

Easily?

i bled for this.
i screamt for this.
and my mind?
it whispers
'this is just what you're supposed to do'
you are 'gifted'
its your mere responsibility.
nothing to celebrate. nothing special.

isnt it?

I love sun-drenched afternoons when the world seems softer,

when people seem to be going about their day as usual,
but they seem more at peace.

when I can hear every sound around me,
but my mind feels silent.

when I'm walking towards my destination,
but I feel like I'm walking aimlessly in solace.

something so nostalgic, something so special, wish I could relish in this reverie forever.

The cold
wind blows,
laughter
echoes loud.
The young
night glows
a circus light
show at my
school.

Blurred faces—
some I
recognized
under their
white smiles,
know what’s
at stake.
They speak
the name to
which I can’t
shake what
aches—

A soul I’m
afraid to lose.
A soul I can’t
speak to
nor reach.

Running like
a rabbit into
the dark
forest library.
Chapters of
painful poems
and shattered
memoirs.

“Tick…”
“Tick…”
“Tick…”

Then a sound
of my alarm
clock—
screaming.

I wake up,
scared and
isolated again,
lying in bed—
breathless.
My real
nightmare—
I never
reach you—
Or maybe…
never see
you anymore.

Another moment wasted in waiting
Calls back to me as I sit here,
Telling me it's not too far off,
Telling me I am cloudier than the skies,
Just as humid as the windows,
And just as cold as the air.

I wasted so much time waiting,
Traveled across the world and back again,
Waiting for you to love me again.
Being broken was my only friend—
For a decade, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten years.
I reminisced, wished, and longed for
The days we made love all day for,
The moments we whispered, "I love you more."

I broke down and let my shadow explore,
Devoured what was left of myself,
Gave myself away—a *****,
Took myself around on tour,
Always looking to get my fill,
Yet always feeling empty.

Nothing can replace you.
Drinking couldn't erase you.
I tried one last time to chase you,
But you're in love, and I wouldn’t dare entice you.
My pretty words were born to chase you.
I will chase you in dreams,
In my words, forever.

I will love you forever,
Despite the spite you spat
At the news that I was back.
I told you that was my closure,
Not knowing it was a lie—
Perhaps a type of closure,
To stop the pursuit in this life.

But I will love you forever,
And find you in the next life.

heart of sadness
follows the eyes
of madness
into the scream of night.

who dares to dream
in a starless night?

war and peace then war and love

and all nightmares are real
staring into

a starless night,

and all we have
are the flames
stolen from a screaming night,
and all we have are each other.

i do not believe
in ghosts

but i am cordial to them nonetheless

i do not believe
in god

but from time to time i wonder how she is doing

i do not believe
in heaven

but i am curious as to what might be on the other side of this door

i do not believe
in hell

but just in case i mind my manners

i do not believe
in the beatles

well actually i do and they are definitely better than the rolling stones