As I take a reluctant step
Outside the endless circle
That is our one sided love story,
I can see that you were never
Running the race alongside me.
The circle drawn by only
My footsteps. Dragging, tired
And restless round the same
Old road is dusty and old.
As I pull my heavy heart
Outside the reach of your radar,
Which has ****** me back
With magnet force each time I’ve
Left before.
I see that though you and you alone
Have been the driving source
Of all my life for nearly 2 years now,
You are just fine without me.
The circle was mine alone.

Love isn’t even the word
There isn’t a word
For how my soul
Rests in the chaos
Of your world
Love isn’t even the feeling
Love isn’t enough
For how my hands
Want nothing but
To lay on you
I don’t even mind
What you think of me
Just see me sometimes
How I see you
Love me sometimes
Or pretend to
Treat me as bad as you can
As you do
And I my love, will still love you

I’m trying to stand in the sun
But your moonlit ******
Hooks my heart
I love the warmth on my skin
But your voice is akin
To musicians
Plucking beats in my soul
Thumping and twanging
When I say I want soft notes
Am I a liar or a lunatic?
For whatever music I learn
My voice only sings in tune to you
I’m trying to lie in the sun
But your night is all I know

I know by your face
At the arrivals gate
Your kisses on my neck
As soon as you came back
I know by how you’d rather
Lose money and time
Than me
That you love me
I know by the way you watch me
Without speaking
That you want to hear
What I am saying
I know without you telling
Your laugh, your arms are spelling
That you love me and though
You won’t say it out loud
I know

Act like I’m the love of your life
Then ignore me the next day
Give me an inch
Then drool over my neighbours little sister
Tell me you care
Then tell me you don’t
Act like you do
Then insist you won’t
Say you will not ever want more
Then treat me like you can’t stay away
Say you won’t get jealous
Then get angry every day
Treat me like you hate me
Then love me again

I am annoying and
You are indifferent
I pray to the stars and
You don’t believe in them
I’m full of love and  
You are just full
You never stop pushing though
I still pull
I’m a lot smarter than
You give me credit
And I hope for things knowing that
I’ll never get it
But you’re building money and
I’m building a home
And the way that you’re going
You’re dying alone

You are excruciating
You really hurt my soul
Now I always need you
To feel like I am whole
You are so impossible
Don’t want me then you do
Nothing can convince me
To ever stop with you
Everything you say
Like knives that twist and cut
But darling you could **** me
It would never be enough
Never enough to stop me
Never enough to prove
For even if you hated me
I know I’d still love you

I love the empty roads
Past midnight driving
Home from your house
I love my stinging eyes
Your cologne in my hair
And my aching bones
I love pretending you love
Me half as much
As I love you
I love everything about
You and me
And me
And also you

Take me to Antigua,
Fall for me under the sun.
Love me for my soft, tanned skin.
Make me your only one.
I know you have it in you,
I know that you feel for me.
If you didn’t I would know,
I know more than you can see.
Just take me to Antigua,
You nearly flew me to Dubai.
Tell me that you love me,
It’s not your style I know, but try.
Rub sun cream on my shoulders,
By an infinity pool.
Tell me that no'one  ever  
Made you feel this way at all.
I’d make your life a daydream,
If you would only say you will.
Just take me to Antigua,
I’ve been yours, 2 years and still.

If heaven had a smell
I know it would be your cologne
If hell had a name
It would begin with J, then O
If purgatory felt like something
I know it would feel like you
If anything is anything
I know I never knew

You may be the death of me
You might **** me soon
You’ve turned me to a wild thing
I’m howling at the moon
If it kills me, it’s my fault
For falling for a dream
If it doesn’t I am lucky
If I ever can get clean
You to me are the whole world
But I am just your favourite
Stupid girl

And god I’d rather love,
This devil that I know
Than meet another man?
Oh no, I’d rather be alone.
Imagine if I met someone
Who measured up to you.
Hilarious, ridiculous,
A dream that can’t come true.
Stop my heart if he won’t have it,
Breathe for me, make it a habit.
Darling my souls yours to grab,
My devil, darling you.

I suppose that now
I write poems on Sundays
Somehow
We have a sordid routine
A sombre love song
Come now
See my silly daydreams
Sometimes seriously
Your brow
Where my saddened kisses
Make their misses
Somehow on Sundays
Sometimes now