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 Mar 2022
Katie
She always felt too many things,
For anyone else and herself.
A good deed's a reward in of itself,
Yet she drowns in the pain it brings.

How long can this heart keep beating;
It's valves clogged with webbing and dust?
Doses of envy, gluttony, and lust,
They dig deep within; they sting.

A moment's joy is stolen away,
Any hope of love long since forgotten,
Her soul overgrown, gnarled and rotten.
It's within silence she chooses to stay.

Feelings renege by living causality;
A defence against feeling too much.
Those desires for contentedness, joy, and such,
Could only make way for apathy.
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 Mar 2022
Katie
A smile can never survive
It's own self-awareness.

Bright colours fade over time.

Time is long behind me.
76
 Mar 2022
Katie
A simple task.
A thousand repetitions.
I know it like the back of my hand.
Perhaps that's why it's a comfort.
Again and again,
Assurance that I know one thing.
Unscrewing, rescrewing,
My yellow wire to keep me grounded.

All my screwdrivers are insulated.
75
 Mar 2022
Katie
A sheet upon a sheet with a thousand more,
Clogging up spaces and fields galore,
Sealed together by blood and disease,
Yet scattered and thrown by a gentle breeze.
These remnants are a danger.
To myself, my family, any stranger,
So they'll be disposed away.
Yet frequency means the stack will stay.
74
 Mar 2022
Katie
Fog
A toxic miasma
An infection in my blood's plasma
It obscures my mind from view
Impossible to push thoughts through
But my poetry will persevere
I don't care for caution against severe
Repercussions for forcing myself to think.
I will not allow my art to sink.
73
CV had me asleep all day, so this is late, and bad cause it hurts to think more than usual.
 Mar 2022
Katie
Oh ****
72
Might need to take a medical break. Guess we'll see
#cv
 Mar 2022
Katie
And Lost Nothing For It

I Have To Say

I Feel a Bit ****.
71
 Mar 2022
Katie
Esoteric rants about meaningless interests,
Taken from too far within to be ignored by
Every person I've pushed my words onto, have
Reared themselves into yet another group.
Nobody can be forced to speak, or should,
And yet I'm casting a line again and again,
Learning slowly that I never learned to talk.
70
 Mar 2022
Katie
I've looked back over the last month or two.
Read everything I thought to put down.
Sometimes I hype too much about the little stuff,
Or go into too much detail about things being rough
And the metaphors? I really went to town.
But reading it all, I bore a smile too.

Because I can see me getting better.
69
 Mar 2022
Katie
A frayed tendril of pathetic string,
Run taught above my head.
A blade of dismay, terror, fear;
Standing in perfect contrast to everything I want to be.

'Tis nought more than a fickle thing,
Not a feeling to be felt or a word to be said,
Yet it continues to hinder me here.
It's the waiting doom that awaits all goodwill I'd set free.

A twang of snapped twine,
Again and again and again and again,
It all falls down yet remains in place;
Tying up it's own phantom madness to strike deep within me.

Unpredictable, I was feeling fine,
'Till the blade deemed to split me in twain,
And once again tears stream down my face.
Drowning in a selfish torrent of fog through which I cannot see.
68
 Mar 2022
Katie
I wish I could see you all,
And learn everything you've done
Since I burned every bridge available to me.

I was young, foolish, too blind to see
How much I could ever miss everyone.
My path of progress was a long fall.

Perhaps I'll reach out again, one final time;
Though the river is wide and I cannot swim,
To reopen doors, it's worth the risk.

The cold shoulder I turned was far too brisk,
I was a fool to cast out life on a whim;
Alone, reaching new light is a long, steep climb.

But now, as I write my way through feelings,
I begin to second-guess my hopes for contact.
Why would any of them want to hear from me?

Perhaps I should set my anxieties free,
Accept these desires as far too abstract
To ever hope to work in real-world dealings.

A compromise, then, I can do that much.
Reveal my face for those who'd seek to look.
And stand by waiting for new bridges built.

If not, then I'll just carry my guilt,
And return my pain to that ancient sketchbook
That I filled with regrets and sins and such,

And then I'll keep moving, down a path yet unknown,
Leave my pages of pain behind for those who care;
I no longer do, I prefer my positive side.

Every mile or so, I'll lament bonds that died,
But I won't retreat to my old, barren stare;
My bitter past is but a crown of thorns,
And the future ahead is my throne.
67
 Mar 2022
Katie
A thousand thousand voices clambering for attention,
That drown out every thought within my silence,
Forcing me into a corner of pain and apprehension,
Lest I lose control and act in violence.

I want no part in causing you pain,
But my o'ertightened grip is slacking,
As I push rationality through migraine
Yet find myself completely lacking.

The constant noise.
It hurts.
Never-ending noise.
Always hurts.
66
 Mar 2022
Katie
Around and around I relive this life
Sometimes as your best friend,
More often as your wife,
And we cycle round without end.

Around and around I climb that hill,
Where I first found you lost, afraid, and alone,
Cradling the empty heart I intend to fill
With joy and acceptance as you have my own.

Around and around you move on again,
To live beyond the world I can see through my screen,
But I won't let your absence cause me pain;
I'll see you again through this computing machine.
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