She doesn’t want to hurt me,
But she’s already burnt me.
Flickered flame,
The sound of her name,
I’m undeniably attracted to the pain,
I wonder if I asked her to stay,
Against all odds would she remain?

Guess life’s too complicated,
Just us commiserated,
My thoughts not entirely sated.
I really wish we could have dated,
Remember apartment where it’s shaded,
Not all the feelings that I have are truly satiated.

I want to be there for you,
I just want to be your come through.
Help her learn to tie her shoes,
Like all good fathers should do.

But I’m a mess, you say you’re a wreck,
Something I’ve come to detest.
You say you aren’t enough, not the best,
But I think you are so much better than the rest.

You’ll never be alone, without a home,
This I’ve come to know.
One day your daughter will be grown,
On her own,
And the single tear will be shown.
That’s the life that you live,
The things that you did,
All for a kid.
The most important thing in the world,
There’s nothing more precious than
Your baby girl.

Summer shandy Sandy,
The hints of lemon sour
Crack a bottle on the hour,
I practically drink it in the shower,
I should quit you but I don’t have the power.

A quick take to addiction,
My body gives into submission,
My friends all tell me to listen,
But it’s your cold taste I’ve been missing.

I struggle with the cravings,
Suicidal ravings,
Dashed to bits on pencil shavings,
Written in shame, but I ain’t praying.

Oh, Summer Shandy Sandy,
I miss the long walks,
The quiet talks,
The bomb drops,
Tell me to stop,
But I need to drink,
Don’t want to think,
About the hours later in the kitchen sink,
Where you and I could commiserate,
When I have you I don’t need no dinner plate,
You put me in a sorry state,
No real plans to situate,
But when I’m with you I’m feeling great.

Oh, Sweet Summer Shandy Sandy,
I miss the feeling,
This copacetic healing,
You’ve got my stomach reeling,
But my heart is hearing,
The low tone notes repeating,
The bottles chilled, thought I was beating,
Her sirens calling, but I’m still reaching,
For that sweet sinful cold embrace,
Of her twist off cap, and that smooth, rich grace.

Another late night
Staring at my phone
I’m feeling so alone
I know I say that I have grown
But man I should have known
How that was a lie
Just like you and I
I don’t know why
I cannot empathize
With your feelings inside
What you are trying to hide
You say it’s over but I can’t cope
This just friends **** hurts the most
Yeah I know it was for the best, but it don’t
Feel like either of us is as happy as
We could be, just two of us having
What should be, reminiscent of
Couch conversations and quiet
Reservation, the chill down my spine
As you kissed me... ****
I miss the stupid things for sure
Like how ‘not enough’ you thought you were
But I would be the one to tell you first
There could be a million others and I’d still
Pick her.

****, what am I doing
Guard my heart, focus on healing,
Replace the loneliness with weight lifting
Maybe then I can feel something
Run miles on treadmills
Just to sprint away from the problems
‘Cuz overcomplications?
Man I don’t wanna solve em’
And if she ever wants to choose me for real?
Well I’ll open myself up and tell her how I feel

Till then it’s bottled up,
Tell myself to shut up
Wanna tell her all the things inside my head
Yeah she got me ****** up,
Just a few words a day ain’t really enough
I want long deep introspective
Followed up with romantic directive
Wish I could change my perspective
And see that she is protective
Of my innocent soul
And my fragile world
And let me tell you
She has the cutest baby girl
But I’m not the guy
To stop her crying at night
Make sure those laces are tight
Tell her that she’s strong and
To stand up and fight.

Instead I’m the one on the sidelines
Just warming the bench
Tear ducts are dry
Think I’m all but spent
I get to watch as some guy who dipped when the going got tough
Come back like its all good,
He’ll probably split when it’s rough.
But I can’t really judge,
Cause I don’t know him all that well
Just the little bits and pieces
You had decided to tell
I really don’t want to watch this blow up
And turn to smoke
Leave you feeling worthless
Like you’re the broken joke
The pitiless punchline
Battered, bruised over time
Stuck in this revolving half-love
Paradigm.

I wonder if she knows that i will always ******* care, about the way she holds herself, the way she braids her hair, I thought someone who sticks around was pretty rare, people come and go, trust me I’ve been there. So I don’t feel hurt at all that you apprehensive to a fault, throw all your feelings locked away inside a vault, but I’m finessing the tellers to help me get inside, to see the truth of where all of your reasonings reside.

Maybe it’s nothing
It’s possible I'm looking at something
Not actually there.

I feel like… I'm drowning.
The words in my throat are heavy,
I'm choking on air.

All these things I could say,
That i want to.
The emotions I could share.

Maybe I just want you to know
You are wanted,
You are cherished for,
And cared.

I'm too quiet,
I don't say things at the right time.

All I do is write down my thoughts,
In a haphazard sort of rhyme.

I know I'm rather boring,
Not nearly worth the wasted hours

But my life is sunny now,
Before it was rains and showers.

I'll probably never find the courage to tell you
And let you walk away,

But just know at that moment in the bar,
I felt something that day.

And I'm sitting in my work parking lot, trying to remember why my headlights don't turn off on their own, I begin to cry.

Not because it's 10 PM in a town that sleeps at 8, or because no one is here to help me, but because I can't remember the last time I laughed.

I'm sitting here, my head low into the steering wheel, crying because I never got to say goodbye to the people who mattered most.

I'm crying because all around me are burnt bridges and broken promises, and my headlights never turn off.

My car is empty, depleted.
We commiserate for a moment, thinking of unblown candles on a death bed birthday. The last whisper of love as it fades behind a crooked smile, her strawberry lips pressed against your neck, you knowing this moment is finite.

The frost on the Windows threaten to give me cold comfort where there is none, I am wrapped in a blanket of empty sorrow and hopeful wishes that will never pan out.

The lights are still on around me, the music, faded in the background, and my broke down car resonates perfectly with the broke down me.

Red light...
One more broken promise
One more temptation sated

Red light...
The way she leans toward me,
Like a wave crashing into the sand

Red Light...
Just.. one more? Please don't,
Don't turn green yet.

Red Light...
I could have sworn we said this wouldn't happen, but I'm so glad it did.

Red, her lips turned into a smirk,
Her eyes looking into mine

Red, the anticipation, the clashing of our tongues, the blood, coursing through my excited veins

Red, the hair in my hands, my hands, wandering

Red, the flush of my cheeks as I sin in the sweetest of ways

Red, the rush as her lips curl around my ear, her breath warm and inviting

Red, the blood as she bit my lip, causing noises to cone out of me I haven't heard in some time

Red, my face as my hand was guided, my body far more willing than my mind.

That night I drove 90 all the way home in an attempt to recreate how alive I felt in that moment.

So kiss me again under the full moon, and beautifully destroy me.

Its 4 A.M. and I'm listening to another obscure indie band I think you'd like.
The Album in question is appropriately named:
People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People in The World.
Apparently, we all have bad people inside us.
Rapists, Nazis, Politicians, all crowded inside our tiny hearts.
No more room for compassion.
I guess we eat our issues and stuff them there,
Like some sort of factory.
Maybe that's how evil is created.
Stories for another time i guess?
Its 5 A.M. and I still miss you.
The Next Album on my playlist is titled Hospice.
I suppose that's a way to say how i feel.
So close to giving up, just comfortably dying.
He keeps saying that he's sorry.
I'm not sure what for.
I'll send you another Playlist later today.
Maybe you will hear my screams in between the upbeat guitar
and crashing of drums that is my tired body and soul.
Maybe you can tell me what i don't understand.
Do the Impossible.
Fix me.
Its 6 A.M. and the music has shifted to Button Poetry broadcasts
Neil Hilborn and Reagan Meyers clash against Sabrina Benaim
all of them saying the same thing without speaking the same words.
"Broken does not mean useless"
"Depression is not a means to an end"
"You cant fix some things with paper and pens"
They all scream their emotions into an open mic, the feedback cries with resounding applause, hollow but sweet.
It's 7 A.M. and i'm still here.
Still silently screaming.
I pray that my words reach your deaf ears.