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305 · Aug 2013
look
annie Aug 2013
you've told me before
i'm nothing
             to you
worthless

i know

that if you ever saw me
how i wished
you would
you would see
something
              everything
far from
the me
you once
          (never)
knew
303 · Jan 2018
release
annie Jan 2018
there's nothing like the feeling
of letting go after holding on
so tight for so long

u n c l e n c h
feel the blood rush through your fingers
the energy flow through your soul
every fibre melting

letting go of what was
what could have been

filling instead
with warmth
and kindness
and the feeling that maybe

your own energy is all you need
nothing better than letting go
301 · Feb 2014
no use
annie Feb 2014
it's no use
she screams
slamming the bathroom door
on the only person
who can see her
as more

it's no use
she cries
dreaming of dragging a blade across her wrist
because that's all that she knows
all that could save her
from the dull pain

it's no use
she writes
hoping no-one will see
but hoping
someone
will know
and someone
will save her
296 · Jan 2015
drowning
annie Jan 2015
help I'm drowning
as my life bled from my veins
dripping down to the floor
washing away the clots in my mind
I guess it flowed too strong this time
engulfed me within myself
left me struggling to breathe
stuck in the hole I dug myself
with years of self-hatred and a lack of reality
I was too weak to swim with the rolling tide
292 · Dec 2014
give it up
annie Dec 2014
push out emotions
a sad here a mad there
make them leave
make me numb

take in surroundings
a girl here a boy there
make it stop
make me love

give up morals
a cut here a slash there
make it burn
make me cry

throw down consequences
a "why" here a "how" there
make it "right"
make me numb
finished.
285 · Apr 2016
breathe
annie Apr 2016
i've always been good at swimming
the consistent
repetitive
stroke after stroke after stroke after stroke
breaking the water
entrancingly rhythmic
but with you
i find myself
tossed around
unsettled by your waves
i don't remember how to breathe
277 · Oct 2014
kk
annie Oct 2014
kk
I'm sorry that sometimes
I get so lonely
and I cry out
but I'm too loud
and it hurts

I'm sorry that sometimes
I feel so **** cold
and I think a lot
but it's too loud
and it hurts

I'm sorry that sometimes
I feel so attached
and I run back
but I'm too dumb
and it hurts
unorganized but yeah.
272 · Jan 2018
what i want
annie Jan 2018
hey
i know im not perfect either
i just wanted you to know
that i would just appreciate if maybe
you realize that i am an adult
and i dont appreciate when you try to teach me "lessons"
about my personality or whatever.
i know my flaws
and i hate myself for them
but i also work so hard every day to better myself.
you really don't know enough about me
to be treating me like you do.
i know you dont care to know me
but that also means you dont get to tell me how i should be.
i know i laugh it off 99% of the time
but like it actually gets me really upset,
i just dont like to make a scene like that.
if i made the same kind of comments to you,
you would stand up for yourself -
but its really hard for me to do that.
i guess all im trying to say here is
please understand things from my point of view
because i'm trying to push myself in the right direction
and i just wish you wouldn't try to push it back.
what i wish i could say
269 · Aug 2013
Untitled
annie Aug 2013
walls
all around me
                                crumbling
self I destruction
due to unforseen
                                intentions
not by me
by
                                 you
just looking
for a way to
                                  have
a sense of hope
after this is all
                                   destroyed
but alas, the one hurt
is not you, but
                                   me
260 · Jul 2013
no more
annie Jul 2013
i am drowning
no really
i cannot breathe
i cannot think
i am consumed

struggling
to stay afloat

i am unable
to pursue
a normal existence
when there is
         n   o   t   h   i   n   g
for me
to grasp onto
250 · Feb 2018
hey there
annie Feb 2018
sometimes i open my eyes
but i never wake up
drifting
wandering
mouth opening to no sound
breathing without air

if i could speak
i would say all the words
you want to hear
but darling
speaking is harder than waking

so believe me when i say
not with words
but through action
that i need you
and someday
i may wake
i may speak
as long as you wait
244 · Apr 2016
sleeping
annie Apr 2016
there is nothing poetic about being empty
there is nothing beautiful about waking up at 4am
wondering when you will feel real again
wondering if you try to hurt just one more ******* time
will things get a little sharper for just a fleeting moment
will you deserve a spot in reality
instead of sinking into the hole again
it's not even dark
I've always been uncomfortable with the dark
some would say scared
but it's not scary
or sharp
or uninviting
maybe I'm just used to it
maybe it just makes a better home than any house I've ever been in
than any bed I've ever slept in
236 · May 2018
semi-colon
annie May 2018
i'm so ******* tired of all of the
broken girls
complicated girls
save me girls
girls with pretty little red lines running up and down their arms

girls just waiting for the perfect guy to love them enough
get a semi-colon tattoo
buy some colourful clothes
and feel all better

where are all the girls
with scars hidden so no one can see
trying bottle after bottle of medication
talking to anyone who will listen
swimming in circles but trying to escape
no-one to pull them out

where are all the boys
armed with tape and glue
trying to fix every ******* piece
but leaving ***** fingerprints instead

show me recovery
show me relapse
show me that i'm not alone
i can't be alone
234 · Mar 2018
a note
annie Mar 2018
i really hate the way how in teen movies the guy is often older by 2+ years, especially ones where the guy is in college. when i was 17, i was sleeping with guys that were 19+, and because of all this positive messaging, it didn't seem like a big deal. i'm nearly finished my first year of uni now - the same place where those guys were in their life - and i am an entirely different person. the maturity differences between someone who is 15/16/17 and someone who is 18+ cannot be understated, and it hurts me to know now that even though i thought i was the same as them, this was not the case. i need every teen reading this - even you "adult" teens - to know that it's okay to wait. you won't shrivel up, you won't die, you'll be alright on your own. it'll be okay.
229 · Apr 2018
why
annie Apr 2018
why
i get so **** tired
sitting
waiting for something to come my way
i grew up with stories
of princesses and witches
and parties and beautiful things happening to beautiful people
and i wish
and i wish
                   and i wish
that was me
but i sit
and i tire
and i waste
and i cry
why
why not me
196 · Jan 2018
people.watching
annie Jan 2018
sitting here
faces pass
one
     by one
          by one
               by one
masks
reflecting reflections of all the others

pry beneath
what remains
but empty husks
trying to feel full
injecting themselves with smiles and dreams
only to wake
empty once more

blur
numbness inspires
absorb radiance

dull shines brighter
190 · Jan 2018
1:13 am
annie Jan 2018
I just want you to know
you're a good person
and I think you're cute
and you should go to bed
a cute text i got tonight. really needed it.
176 · Feb 2018
stars
annie Feb 2018
12 was a punching bag
****** the other direction
eyes closed, uncontrolled
breaking down each fibre

13 was self-hatred
competition turned cruel
replacing his hand with mine
trying to peel the fat away

14 was tornadoes
clouding all vision
unsure where to turn
chaos in the aftermath

15 was betrayal
perfection not cracked
however hard I try
why could nobody see?

16 was manipulation
lust lists marked as friendship
number six he said
others just a picture

17 was spoonfeeding
syrupy silver words
up and down
all that work for him

18 is unclear
speckled and sparkled
not shiny and new
but trying to fit the puzzle
152 · Apr 2019
i want to write a poem
annie Apr 2019
i want to write another poem
another few words about the world i feel

the world that's closing in on me
but i keep pushing
and pushing
and pushing

the world that won't let me go
grasping
reaching
crawling its way through
trying to find something that's no longer there
or maybe it never was

i want to talk to someone
i want to let it go
i want to scream to the sky and tell it what it's done
the blood it's shed
the tears i've let fall on my bathroom floor

i want to write another poem
but instead i'll sit here
hands cracked and dry and aching for the release of pen on paper
as i fade away
nobody wants to hear it anyway
125 · Apr 2020
i love you
annie Apr 2020
i love you like the moon loves the stars
like the grass loves the rain
like teenage girls love silly cliches

i love you like you couldn't know
like i never thought i could
like words could never say

i never wanted to love you
i never needed anyone
the way i need you

i don't know how to love you
i don't know why i love you
but i don't know how i couldn't

i love the way you smile just right
the way your lips fit with mine
the way your eyes twinkle in the sun

i want to tell you how i love you
how you help me forget
how you keep me alive inside

i don't deserve to love you
i don't deserve your sweet words
your patience when i can't say the same

but i still love you like a cactus loves the desert
like the sun loves the blue sky
like words love the page
for jamie

— The End —