What do you fear
On quiet sleepless nights
Is it the not knowing
What lies ahead
or
what lays behind
Do you toss and turn
with uncertainty

Of a measure to come
that you will be found wanting
Or to not be weighed at all
and all this tossing and turning
was for nothing big or small

⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️

I’m not suicidal,
I fear death.

I think about dying—
it's always a vivid, beautiful, sunny day.

I just want to bleed, cuts under the skin.
I just want to starve, protruding bones.
I just want to disappear, non-existent.

I’m trying to get my affairs in order,
to tend to my responsibilities,
to care for my loved ones
just in case.

I’m not suicidal,
at least, I don’t think I am.

I fear death.