May your dreams be everything you ever dreamed them to be
Drift off into a slumber of sweet visions and fantasies
Think of me, when you lay your head down to sleep
I'm a lullaby, whispering as you nod off...
Just dream

© 2013 Christina Jackson

I've often thought

Of the way your breath
would feel upon my neck.

A wondrous sensation,
I desire your hands to caress.

Every single crevice of my body

I long to know of,
the way your eyes would slowly raise,
gaze, and lock upon mine  

That moment, where time and space cease to exist.

The kiss before the kiss.

A coming together of the beauty between thy heaving breaths.
A small fraction of a second, before our lips have finally met.

© 2013 Christina Jackson

This deafening silence
Kills me slow

You’re killing me slowly
Parts of me are deteriorating
devouring me whole

The chemical compounds
in my brain are screaming-
So frighteningly loud.

My mind won't power down.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

"If there ever is a time your heart is restless, think of me. The lyrics, the melody flowing through you like the wind on a warm summers day. May it bring comfort to your heart, and peace to your soul. Think of me once more, as the song moves through you, forevermore." © 2014 Christina Jackson

I've been waiting-
For the life that's draining
from these veins-
To come alive and revive me again.

These cuts are a violating-
obsessive compulsive disorder
I cannot, refrain.

As I stare down at the blackness
of my blood.
I wonder if this is all-
that I am made up of.

It's as though little streams
of water are running down my
legs.
The scent of copper, and the warmth
of the sun.

I can feel it on my skin.

Enveloping me

Crawling through my blood

Reviving me again.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

I wish I could feel again-
Breathe again, open up my airways
to new life.
I'm living as an empty shell-
I want to feel what it's like to be alive.
I can't describe the way numb feels,
because you feel nothing, or
you feel too much, used up.
Like an old record, skipping past the
best parts of the song.
You want so badly to listen again,
but the record is broken, and you cannot
find a replacement.
I'm tired of wearing this armor-
The pain is unbearable, almost too much
to muster up the courage and face the world.

I'd rather feel PAIN than feeling NOTHING at all.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

We are all passing ships in this life
Guided by misguided compasses

Floating along rocky shores
of ignorance and bitter distaste

But it doesn't have to be that way

We can adjust our sails
Reset our compasses
to love and peace

It's not to late
It's never too late
to change our journey

However, no matter
which sea we choose
to sail

In the end;

We all succumb
to the same fate

It's not too late..

© 2013 Christina Jackson

Time is a such a sweet commodity-
Brief in it's essence, I'm drowning
in you.
Mind, body, soul-
The night fades away, at hearts will.
Those baby blues are like a sea all
woman dare to dive in.

Years of secrets and lies, lie beyond
your eyes- The years pass us by
and our love has yet to falter in the vast
and empty loneliness of life.

The passion of your heavy heart weighs
down on me and your naked skin
brushes against mine-
In a wave of unspoken release.

And the years have not been kind-
To your gentle, and fragile mind.
Temptation grabs you, like the hands
that wrap around your waist.
Pulling you closer and closer.
Sin pummels you, like the wave
crashes on sand and shell.

You want to let go, but you hold
on tighter as the passion in your
eyes grows and grows.

A boundless and sinful reminder-
of two lovers, hiding their deepest
fears and sorrows, between the sheets.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Oh time, what are you but a rhyme.
We all seek to find.
© 2012 Christina Jackson

All my life I've searched for love-
It is only in the recent years I have
ceased searching and continued working
on myself that I have had many
opportunities surpass me by.

I am not a slave to the love I give
nor am I slave to the love that
is given.

I will not succumb to a perpetuating
misogynistic fool that only wants me
because I want what he thinks is real

I am not a follower of faith, nor a lover
or guided by "Gods" misguided ways

You may be offended by this statement
but please remember we are all
individuals and different.

Practicing spirituality in several
different ways.

Each of us with our own opinions
Never forgetting the rhythm of
our heart beats

No opinion nor religion can surmount
the fact that consequentially-
we are HUMAN.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Cold and sterile
the lights are blinding
as I walk down these
empty and hallowed
hallways.

The stench of death fills
the air.
I reach for your bedside
feeling remorse and regret.
The only father I'll ever have

So frail

Don't give in

You still breathe life within
you- it's not over yet.
Don't give up on us,
more importantly don't
give up on you.

Your wife, mother, sister, daughters
and granddaughter need you.
Despite the way you've lived your
life, we still love you and always
will.

The stench of death lingers
in the sterile air.
Our life force gives you the
strength to stay alive
and is keeping you here
against your free will and pride.

Don't give up, don't give up.

As if the clogged arteries weren't
enough, your heart is still beating
I won't let it stop.

I love you and that should be enough.

© 2015 Christina Jackson

You cannot lose what was never yours to begin with

No one owns anyone

You belong to one another

Freely and unconditionally

I lost what we had

And there was no room for self doubt

Yet I doubted all the was and all that could have been

Now my life is a mess

Without you, I haven't the faintest clue how to move ahead

I grew too comfortable of the thought that what we had would last



It didn't



Now all my walls have been built back up

and I'm afraid to love again.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Am I doomed?
Doomed to never find love.
I could spend a 100 years writing about it,
every day I walk this earth.
Am I so broken?
That love is confused
and the arrow of Eros has evaded me once more.
Will it ever find me?
I stopped looking long ago.
Afraid of what I might find,
that misery loves company.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Worrier of the world
We reap what we sow
Forget the answers to
questions once asked
Plea for forgiveness
Holding on tightly,
As if it were our last
Clinging to the brink of death
We remember to forget
We remember to forget
You can’t escape the inevitable
It won’t last
We get lost in metaphors
and allegories and rhymes
None of which make any sense
History repeats itself everyday
We remember to forget
We remember to forget
The blinding bridges
The winding pathways
That led us to demises
we never knew existed
Before reality hit us
Like a ton of bricks
hidden in a sock
We’re all lost, lost
In a tangled web of all the lies
we've been told
The eyes we peered into
Weren't the windows to the soul
But an open doorway
To secret realms we had
yet to explore
We raged fires on and on
Into the dead of night
We remember to forget
We remember to forget
What future truly lies ahead
For all of us, we’re borrowers of time
leaking off the mysterious invisible clock
The hands are broken, and we simply forgot
All that ever was, will eventually be lost
Never to be found again, buried so deeply
Bulldozers will be summoned to unearth  
The secrets we shoveled into the ground
Some long lost years ago
We remember to forget
We remember to forget
So we can all rest peacefully
when we finally lose our heads.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Please excuse me for this
I am not especially articulate
In the art of relationships
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Anxiety meds take control-
over my heart, brain, and soul.

In these past few months-
I haven't yet learned how
to take control.

The mind is a beautiful
thing to waste.

And I have wasted
away slowly, day by day.

I'm finally seeing a therapist,
and that has made all the
difference & no judgements
have been made.*

© 2016 Christina Jackson

I had a dream last night
A terrible one at that
I was pulled this way and that
Pulled your way and back
Then shot nine times
Murdered in rage

I can’t quite explain
These feelings I claim
But one thing led to another
No longer were you my lover

Trapped deep within my mind
Nowhere to run
Not a place to hide
I try and escape this pain
I just can’t explain

Terror trembles through me
Every blood vessel; every vein
Someone help me
I can’t escape

The walls are closing in
I'm falling down
You uttered those words again
So hard so cold

There’s no way out
Please hear me, please help
There’s no way out

Tears dancing
Frolicking about

What seemed so gentle
A terrible monster was let out
into the dark of the night
I'm afraid I'll never get out

© 2012 Christina Jackson

You were all that was sane in my life;
Now you've gone and entered the "afterlife".

Everything I loved, and aspired to be;
was you.

A successful strong independent women
that always knew what she wanted to do

After many years of suffering and unbearable
strife, she moved on.

Into another world; vast, far, and wide.

Oh what a lovely soul you had
a joy to be around

It's not the same anymore
nothing is alright
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Hemingway once said "there is nothing to writing,
all you do is sit down and bleed".
Not his exact words, but good enough for me

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
Your love was the death of me
Those sharp thorny words
pierced the very best parts of me

So Hemingway, Is this what you expect of me?
No hidden messages, just ****** crumbled papers
in place of where my heart used to be

So here I am, and here I bleed
I'll go wandering
off into the dark corners of the city
Following the tune of all the drunken laughs
I'll make it eventually, at last

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
On this chain smoking night
By the river, without you next to me
© 2013 Christina Jackson

They call it Devils Cut
90 proof, a bottle full
of liquid luck.

I drown myself-
in the bottle of
delicious lustful
drunkenness

Waiting for you
to come home to me.

But-

I will never have you-
As I want you.
Your love runs deep-
deep into my bones.

There will always be
remnants of you, crawling
through my skin.

The gentle breeze of a
summers wind-
Reminds me of
every hanging whim.

I love you dearly
and the devil
cut my heart-
ever so cleanly.

You are no where
near, and never will be.

Always an invisible force-
waking me from my dreams.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Dearly beloved,

You are an ancient painting filled with radiant colors of wondrous beauty, pleasurable for all to enjoy, yet my hope is for I and I alone to explore and endure. I wish you could see what I see in you. You're afraid to love because you don't think you have much time left, but what if you're wrong? What if all of this is just a test of your strength and when you finally let go of all that is making you suffer you will begin to heal and grow anew. You can only hold on to pain for so long before it devours you whole. It's a senseless practice, practiced every day.  You eat up the darkness as though it's your last meal. You aren't disposable or recyclable, you are the embodiment of love and grace. And so I ask you this, why so fearful of loving and being loved in return? Would you rather not have been truly loved in its purest form of elegance and chaos, or take the latter and not be loved or love another at all? We have been denied the right to remember our past lives and whom of which we have loved in those lives. Our days are spent searching and scouring the planet for each other again, without a clue or definitive reason why we are searching, only an insufferable pull that shakes your bones. Knowing you must do this and you'll feel whole again. Yet we do it endlessly until our hearts can no longer endure the pain we have afflicted on it. Self infliction of our own convictions that we truly believe there is someone out there solely meant for us. Someone we fully connect with on a spiritual, mental, and physical level. A thought so deeply ingrained within us that we torture our hearts and souls until we are left with nothing but scars and empty valves and all the blood drained from our lifeless veins.

I wish you could understand you are the light by which sparks my soul, my heart, and inspires me to wake up every day and breathe life into my lungs. This ache encompasses the entirety of my being, and without you I don't know that I could carry on without losing the fundamental tools and skills in my brain to function on a day to day basis. And when I tell you I love you with all that I am and all that I will ever be, I mean what I say. I am not saying it for sake of saying so. These roots you have planted within me run deeper down through my core, implanting a strong hold, blooming leaves and budding flowers as our love grows. Don't you know my dear sweet love, you are everything in this world I could ever ask for or wish to be. You are the mirror reflection I gaze tirelessly in to everyday and I wish not for another mirror, I'd shatter every last one of them if you weren't the image looking back at me.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
My mind has wandered far, far
and away.
I cannot seem to fathom this reality,
dreams are my only escape.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
This world is too much for me,
you have always been my reason
to stay.

Without you I am numb to the world,
and I want so badly to feel again-
To feel you again.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Getting drunk
and staring at the wall-
I'm an expert
and this will not rhyme

The slur of words
I can't even comprehend
right now are incredibly
asinine

Drinking life from a bottle
is a sure fire way
to get knocked down

But that's life-
isn't it so divine?
© 2015 Christina Jackson

I think about you all the time
I think of you always
I can't get you out of my head
Would you politely excuse yourself?
Do me a favor and stop
I can't do this
I can't not be with you
I can't not hold you
I could kiss you forever
if you'd let me
and I don't why
I just wish you would open your eyes
but who am I kidding ?
You'll always be blind
Why you?
Why me?
Why can't we be?
My heart is breaking
and I need you
I need you here always
Always next to me
Never leave me
Just don't walk away again
I don't think I could bear to watch
My heart is screaming for you
and I think it lost its voice
Months and months ago
From the day we met
I knew I wanted to be yours
and I don't think I can do this
Anymore..

© 2012 Christina Jackson

Your words have become voids-
in the vast universe,
I awake from my dreams
and feel you next to me

An invisible energy that cannot
be touched or seen.

I want to feel your life force
your warm body beside me

The void of your words have become
the abysmal fog that floats
through my mind

I can neither imagine life with it
or without
You encompass the whole of my
existence
without existing in any physical
shape or form.

You have become the beautiful sunrise
by which the light creeps through
my windows each morning
and the comforting moonlight
before I drift off into another
sleepless, painstaking night.

I want you next to me, the void of
your words are replaced by the silence
of your eyes peering back into mine.

The most terrifying, yet relieving
feeling I have ever felt in my life.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Racing, to beat the clock.
Forever we hear, the tick
the tock. Can we never
escape the mockery of
the clock? I fear I'll never
replace, all the time now gone.
Time is such a funny thing.
It consists of science,
and answers to secrets
once lost. I can't begin
to explain, all the time
we've been wasting.
Trapped in a circular
motion, of rings and
dings. This cycle, it'll
never end. I used to fear
death. But now it's time
that's no longer my friend.
Today is just another day,
lost to oblivion, and we're
all just wasting away.
So go live your life
and waste not another day.

© 2013 Christina Jackson