Most people fear death
But death is an unexpected friend
I fear not death
For it is time that I tremble,
upon every waking whim

Live for today
Not for tomorrow

The sand in the hourglass
Is slowly seeping into the gallows

Thinking you've wasted time,
Is a regrettable task

If you stumble up the realization,
that you've forgotten how to live

Stand on the edge of a steeply cliff
Hundreds of miles from the ground

Peer death in its face

You’ll realize death is nothing to fear
Rather, your fearful of all the time
your're wasting

Upon reflection
One will realize that time
Is not your friend

Measurable by science
But inconceivably immeasurable,
In the eyes of men

I once read a quote spoken by a famous man
It simply said “Lost time is never found again”
Sincerely yours, Benjamin Franklin

Don't waste it, forget the times
you once thought you were mistaken
Forget the sorrows of loved ones once lost

Remember their memory

Do something in your life
that will infinitely be treasured

© 2013 Christina Jackson

Cold and sterile
the lights are blinding
as I walk down these
empty and hallowed
hallways.

The stench of death fills
the air.
I reach for your bedside
feeling remorse and regret.
The only father I'll ever have

So frail

Don't give in

You still breathe life within
you- it's not over yet.
Don't give up on us,
more importantly don't
give up on you.

Your wife, mother, sister, daughters
and granddaughter need you.
Despite the way you've lived your
life, we still love you and always
will.

The stench of death lingers
in the sterile air.
Our life force gives you the
strength to stay alive
and is keeping you here
against your free will and pride.

Don't give up, don't give up.

As if the clogged arteries weren't
enough, your heart is still beating
I won't let it stop.

I love you and that should be enough.

© 2015 Christina Jackson

You will never love me, as I love you.
This universal pull on my heart is so
strong, its suffocating me.

Here, in the dead of night I shed
my wings and die a little more inside.

The pieces of me fall away, turning into
remnants lost in time.

This silence is deafening-
and I cannot breathe knowing
you don't love me as I love you.

I am colorless, suffering from
a lack of color.
My heart no longer red, but now
ash, simply black and dead.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

That sweet illustrious
scent of barreled
wood smoke

The aroma radiating
through the air
into your nostrils

A desire to sip
that sweet nectar

I crave the warm
blood rushing
through my veins

The alluring feeling
when you've had
just enough

It chemically
changes the brain-
And you're happy

For a few short hours

I feel incredibly alive
I feel real
I feel happy

Then all fades away-
and disappears.

Oh whiskey, you understand
me so well.

You are a dear loyal friend
© 2014 Christina Jackson

They call it Devils Cut
90 proof, a bottle full
of liquid luck.

I drown myself-
in the bottle of
delicious lustful
drunkenness

Waiting for you
to come home to me.

But-

I will never have you-
As I want you.
Your love runs deep-
deep into my bones.

There will always be
remnants of you, crawling
through my skin.

The gentle breeze of a
summers wind-
Reminds me of
every hanging whim.

I love you dearly
and the devil
cut my heart-
ever so cleanly.

You are no where
near, and never will be.

Always an invisible force-
waking me from my dreams.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

And sometimes you just have to dive head first

into the rhetorical ocean called love

and lose all inhibitions

trust your heart

and follow it down

to the depths of

your hearts

core*

© 2014 Christina Jackson

You were all that was sane in my life;
Now you've gone and entered the "afterlife".

Everything I loved, and aspired to be;
was you.

A successful strong independent women
that always knew what she wanted to do

After many years of suffering and unbearable
strife, she moved on.

Into another world; vast, far, and wide.

Oh what a lovely soul you had
a joy to be around

It's not the same anymore
nothing is alright
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I tried- with comprising eyes
Yet you loved her with all that was
beautiful and wise.

My inevitable demise-

I was an afterthought;  I couldn't
keep what was brooding inside.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
Blowing in the wind, are the
remnants of "us".
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Your words have become voids-
in the vast universe,
I awake from my dreams
and feel you next to me

An invisible energy that cannot
be touched or seen.

I want to feel your life force
your warm body beside me

The void of your words have become
the abysmal fog that floats
through my mind

I can neither imagine life with it
or without
You encompass the whole of my
existence
without existing in any physical
shape or form.

You have become the beautiful sunrise
by which the light creeps through
my windows each morning
and the comforting moonlight
before I drift off into another
sleepless, painstaking night.

I want you next to me, the void of
your words are replaced by the silence
of your eyes peering back into mine.

The most terrifying, yet relieving
feeling I have ever felt in my life.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

To hold you, even just for a little while
Eternity in a hour

Time is such a sweet commodity

Your warm arms around me, there's
no place I'd rather be.

Forever tangled up in you,
would be the most wonderful
dream come true.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Getting drunk
and staring at the wall-
I'm an expert
and this will not rhyme

The slur of words
I can't even comprehend
right now are incredibly
asinine

Drinking life from a bottle
is a sure fire way
to get knocked down

But that's life-
isn't it so divine?
© 2015 Christina Jackson

Oh time, what are you but a rhyme.
We all seek to find.
© 2012 Christina Jackson

All my life I've searched for love-
It is only in the recent years I have
ceased searching and continued working
on myself that I have had many
opportunities surpass me by.

I am not a slave to the love I give
nor am I slave to the love that
is given.

I will not succumb to a perpetuating
misogynistic fool that only wants me
because I want what he thinks is real

I am not a follower of faith, nor a lover
or guided by "Gods" misguided ways

You may be offended by this statement
but please remember we are all
individuals and different.

Practicing spirituality in several
different ways.

Each of us with our own opinions
Never forgetting the rhythm of
our heart beats

No opinion nor religion can surmount
the fact that consequentially-
we are HUMAN.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
My mind has wandered far, far
and away.
I cannot seem to fathom this reality,
dreams are my only escape.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
This world is too much for me,
you have always been my reason
to stay.

Without you I am numb to the world,
and I want so badly to feel again-
To feel you again.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

We are all passing ships in this life
Guided by misguided compasses

Floating along rocky shores
of ignorance and bitter distaste

But it doesn't have to be that way

We can adjust our sails
Reset our compasses
to love and peace

It's not to late
It's never too late
to change our journey

However, no matter
which sea we choose
to sail

In the end;

We all succumb
to the same fate

It's not too late..

© 2013 Christina Jackson

I dream't of you last night
We were walking around a strange town,
for what seemed like miles and miles
It wouldn't end

At last, a moment of bliss
our lips sealed in a kiss
My arms and yours
embraced like the roots of a sierra

And in that moment, I awoke
To the cold bleakness of weathered
and worn eyes

Torn from my existence

Without you once again
and that was that

Nothing more, nothing less
Only in my dreams will you
continue to exist.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

May your dreams be everything you ever dreamed them to be
Drift off into a slumber of sweet visions and fantasies
Think of me, when you lay your head down to sleep
I'm a lullaby, whispering as you nod off...
Just dream

© 2013 Christina Jackson

What will we find?
In this tangled web we call life
Too many secrets to hold
Endless questions
Answers bestowed
Too many words have been said
In them
We weaved this confusing web
Unable to think on our own
We follow a path
That leads us to unknowns
It begs some questions
Are we really alone?
Don't speak
Just listen;
and you'll hear
all the answers
will soon be clear.

© 2012 Christina Jackson

I've often thought

Of the way your breath
would feel upon my neck.

A wondrous sensation,
I desire your hands to caress.

Every single crevice of my body

I long to know of,
the way your eyes would slowly raise,
gaze, and lock upon mine  

That moment, where time and space cease to exist.

The kiss before the kiss.

A coming together of the beauty between thy heaving breaths.
A small fraction of a second, before our lips have finally met.

© 2013 Christina Jackson

Time is a such a sweet commodity-
Brief in it's essence, I'm drowning
in you.
Mind, body, soul-
The night fades away, at hearts will.
Those baby blues are like a sea all
woman dare to dive in.

Years of secrets and lies, lie beyond
your eyes- The years pass us by
and our love has yet to falter in the vast
and empty loneliness of life.

The passion of your heavy heart weighs
down on me and your naked skin
brushes against mine-
In a wave of unspoken release.

And the years have not been kind-
To your gentle, and fragile mind.
Temptation grabs you, like the hands
that wrap around your waist.
Pulling you closer and closer.
Sin pummels you, like the wave
crashes on sand and shell.

You want to let go, but you hold
on tighter as the passion in your
eyes grows and grows.

A boundless and sinful reminder-
of two lovers, hiding their deepest
fears and sorrows, between the sheets.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Dearly beloved,

You are an ancient painting filled with radiant colors of wondrous beauty, pleasurable for all to enjoy, yet my hope is for I and I alone to explore and endure. I wish you could see what I see in you. You're afraid to love because you don't think you have much time left, but what if you're wrong? What if all of this is just a test of your strength and when you finally let go of all that is making you suffer you will begin to heal and grow anew. You can only hold on to pain for so long before it devours you whole. It's a senseless practice, practiced every day.  You eat up the darkness as though it's your last meal. You aren't disposable or recyclable, you are the embodiment of love and grace. And so I ask you this, why so fearful of loving and being loved in return? Would you rather not have been truly loved in its purest form of elegance and chaos, or take the latter and not be loved or love another at all? We have been denied the right to remember our past lives and whom of which we have loved in those lives. Our days are spent searching and scouring the planet for each other again, without a clue or definitive reason why we are searching, only an insufferable pull that shakes your bones. Knowing you must do this and you'll feel whole again. Yet we do it endlessly until our hearts can no longer endure the pain we have afflicted on it. Self infliction of our own convictions that we truly believe there is someone out there solely meant for us. Someone we fully connect with on a spiritual, mental, and physical level. A thought so deeply ingrained within us that we torture our hearts and souls until we are left with nothing but scars and empty valves and all the blood drained from our lifeless veins.

I wish you could understand you are the light by which sparks my soul, my heart, and inspires me to wake up every day and breathe life into my lungs. This ache encompasses the entirety of my being, and without you I don't know that I could carry on without losing the fundamental tools and skills in my brain to function on a day to day basis. And when I tell you I love you with all that I am and all that I will ever be, I mean what I say. I am not saying it for sake of saying so. These roots you have planted within me run deeper down through my core, implanting a strong hold, blooming leaves and budding flowers as our love grows. Don't you know my dear sweet love, you are everything in this world I could ever ask for or wish to be. You are the mirror reflection I gaze tirelessly in to everyday and I wish not for another mirror, I'd shatter every last one of them if you weren't the image looking back at me.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Please excuse me for this
I am not especially articulate
In the art of relationships
© 2014 Christina Jackson

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

There's that look again in your eyes

So? How about it now?
Just one look

Don't cry

That pain you feel inside?
It's eating away at you inner light

Promise me, hand in hand
We'll see each other again

Closed eyes, short of breath
Is your heart beating lightning fast?

Cause I'm trembling here, without you

So? How about it now?
One last goodbye

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

I'm always here

Through the depths of time and space
I can feel you here, reaching out for me

It's not impossible

It's only a holographic world
Space and time and distance,
are limiting your mind

So? How about it now?
Can you feel your hand in mine

Reaching out for you
from limitless dimensions

Please, I'm begging you

Don't cry

It was just an illusionary device
You conjured up in your head

So? How about it now?

The demons won again
© 2017 Christina Jackson

One hundred and twenty-six days-
sober.
I thought I was strong enough
What the **** is the point of thinking
you have free will when this poison touched
my lips again?
After 126 days-
I convinced myself I was okay, that I could
"handle" just one drink
But one turned into more-
and I've had enough in my lifetime...
© 2016 Christina Jackson

Am I doomed?
Doomed to never find love.
I could spend a 100 years writing about it,
every day I walk this earth.
Am I so broken?
That love is confused
and the arrow of Eros has evaded me once more.
Will it ever find me?
I stopped looking long ago.
Afraid of what I might find,
that misery loves company.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Hemingway once said "there is nothing to writing,
all you do is sit down and bleed".
Not his exact words, but good enough for me

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
Your love was the death of me
Those sharp thorny words
pierced the very best parts of me

So Hemingway, Is this what you expect of me?
No hidden messages, just ****** crumbled papers
in place of where my heart used to be

So here I am, and here I bleed
I'll go wandering
off into the dark corners of the city
Following the tune of all the drunken laughs
I'll make it eventually, at last

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
On this chain smoking night
By the river, without you next to me
© 2013 Christina Jackson

You cannot lose what was never yours to begin with

No one owns anyone

You belong to one another

Freely and unconditionally

I lost what we had

And there was no room for self doubt

Yet I doubted all the was and all that could have been

Now my life is a mess

Without you, I haven't the faintest clue how to move ahead

I grew too comfortable of the thought that what we had would last



It didn't



Now all my walls have been built back up

and I'm afraid to love again.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I had a dream last night
A terrible one at that
I was pulled this way and that
Pulled your way and back
Then shot nine times
Murdered in rage

I can’t quite explain
These feelings I claim
But one thing led to another
No longer were you my lover

Trapped deep within my mind
Nowhere to run
Not a place to hide
I try and escape this pain
I just can’t explain

Terror trembles through me
Every blood vessel; every vein
Someone help me
I can’t escape

The walls are closing in
I'm falling down
You uttered those words again
So hard so cold

There’s no way out
Please hear me, please help
There’s no way out

Tears dancing
Frolicking about

What seemed so gentle
A terrible monster was let out
into the dark of the night
I'm afraid I'll never get out

© 2012 Christina Jackson