I am ready to swim
I am standing on the beach,  I can feel the ocean on the wind, and I think
It seems these things do not matter.
"How vast is the sea?"
"How deep is the water?"
"How strong is the tide?"
I am brave.
Uncertainty!
I've felt many things in life, and I know this is not
My convictions
I am convinced that in this moment I will be able to hold
Because of fear or a sense of pride
Because of passion and a sense of hope, not
Because I am simply ready

(Now read it backwards)

She was alone. She had her friends and her family and her pets. Yet she was alone, and even more so, she was lonely. She had never felt love. Never felt the raw emotion that goes along with it. She had only known the pulsating flesh and the heat that radiated from the bodies of which she had laid upon. Each night she would fall asleep cloaked in the heavy plush blankets that sprawled across her bed, and every morning she would awake colder than the previous night. She would walk a few steps from her bed to her bathroom. Graze her hand across the granite counter top. Reach for the stained porcelain sink handle, and begin to brush her stained porcelain teeth. She dreaded the mornings. As she stared in the mirror and she tended to her hygiene she felt her eyes begin to weigh down. Each morning she would try to succeed on her own and each morning she would fail. As she'd leave her bathroom she would gaze upon her dress for work that morning. She would slide it up to her waist, over her shoulders, then she would let out a deep breath. She refused to put her makeup on before this, she knew what came next would hurt. As she began to reach behind herself she struggled. She pulled and tugged upon the zipper. Rolling across her bed at times. Feeling the pulsating flesh and radiating heat with each turn. When she was finally finished with her battle she would stare,entranced, into the mirror hanging from the door of her bedroom. She felt no accomplishment, no success, and even less happiness than the minimal amount that she felt when she awoke. She only felt a shadow, a void, behind her during every attempt. Each day she would do this, and each night she would repeat the struggle with her dress. She longed for pulsating flesh and radiating heat to help her zip and unzip her layers. She longed for someone to fill the void. Yet every morning she would zip and unzip her dress, adding and removing the layers by herself.

I want something that I cannot have. I cannot have it because I don't truly know what it is. I've seen it polished and propped as if it were on display and I've heard the stories of how much time and effort it took to make it look as such. But I want it. I want love. I want the idea of it at least.
I want the fights brought about by events simpler and less important than the time we wasted to have them. I want to be pained by the sight of her pain and know that the feeling of knives piercing my chest when I see her cry is there because I would literally drive them there myself, if only to prevent her tears.
I want our laughs to intertwine over the smallest things and our conversations to stretch our minds over the biggest. I want to see you sleep at night and I'll smile because I know that you're finally at peace. And I want you to smile when you wake up because you know that I'm fighting to make your reality better than your dreams.
I want love. I want romantic love, I want crazy love. I want passion. I want to pick you up in my arms and in that brief present get lost in your presence. I want to be in you when I am in you and have you wish that I would stay forever. I want to be in your heart and mind, and I want our love to be torturous and blind.
I just want love. I want the idea of it at least.

The problems of the mind are the loneliest by far.
They eat at you and eat at you until you are just a shell of meat and bone.
You walk and you talk as if nothing were wrong, but you see, the problems of the mind are the most burdensome of all.

How can you blame someone for the actions that they did in your mind.
For the **** they committed. For the scars they created.
They look at you the same, yet all you can see is the monster that took you and you fear that they will take you again.
Yet, they never really took you at all.
You see the problems of the mind are the most confusing by far.

The growling meant that he was a killer and for it he was neutered and locked in chains.
But to you he is still the man that you see and love everyday.
So the growling became a comfort.
A battle cry to show the world, because he loved you and trusted you with his world, he would always be by your side.
The world may take them as growls of your own, for your own crimes, and that's fine.
Because when you howl the half the world howls and you know that you have even more pained souls on your side.
You see the problems of the mind are the most trial-some by far.

She is your angel and she saved your life that night.
You tell her but she will never quite know that you truly believe it.
She covered you in her wings and covered you tight.
She took the blunt force of the car so you would not die.
Now you owe your life to her and she cannot make sense of it.
She will never know that to you she was actually there.
You see the problems of the mind are the most painful by far.

But now the *****, the dog and the angel all stay in your life.
Never knowing their true roles in your mind.
Never knowing what they said or did that changed your life.
Following the same pace  as the previous night.
Yet you sit alone and in the silence cry, because you still feel the ****, feel the wings and hear the growls at night.
But no one will ever know.
That is why the problems of the mind are the loneliest by far.

When you woke me up
The first thing I saw were stars
Only they weren't stars;
They were your eyes.
They were so captivating that I found myself lost and swore I saw the entire universe.
When you woke me up
I saw your smile
But I thought it was the sun
For it shined so bright that I had to squint and as its radiance slowly stretched outward towards my skin I felt comfort in it.
When you work me up
I saw your scars and they were beautiful to me. They showed me your pain and I kissed everyone so you knew that regardless of what others may have seen I saw them as a perfect part of you.
These scars molded who you were and who you are and in that I find beauty.
When you woke me up
You woke up more than just my body; you woke up my soul.

I see images of a girl walking in the street
On a rainy night, in a black dress, with bare feet
She seems lost
Rather her destination is not complete
Stuck here, where love's perceived as the means

She mutters to herself although she can barely speak
Shivering and shaking as the rain pierced and stings
Her tears blend with the precipitation into a solid stream
Still she cries for hope, she cries for faith, she cries for me.

I'm sitting under a crying tree
Praying no tears fall upon me
I can not believe what I can not see
So sing your tragic song

The horns blast in every field
The moon falls while mad men kneel
The cloaked ones who in fear ****
Will all cry and sing along

Call it glory
Call it misery
Call it faith
Call it empathy

Call it truth
But you know it's just a lie

Call it love
Fight the hate
Hide your tears
Behind the pain

Call it life
But you know it's just a lie

Standing in front of Mona Lisa. Trying to turn her hyperbolic smile into a realistic one. But her eyes foresee my every route and any pursuit proves useless for she never moves. The subtle curve of her mouth begins to mock. Only motivating my attempts to spread her lips and cause true happiness beneath her smile.

It's sunny when my eyes are open
Yet it storms while I'm sleeping
Their smoke blends into the air daily
It puts me in a haze and dazes me for days on end
This hazed daze must effect them, sadly, maybe that's their intent
But don't subject me to this evil world you've created
Though these nightmares may have, manipulated your every dream
Inception can be dangerous so don't plaster me the creature you hate
Rather realize I'm sacrificing life
For these images you paint
Yes I'm the wind
I keep the breeze going when things
get too hot
These man made substitutes will break
And be discarded like sheet rock
So dont close your windows and hide yourself from your own fog
if you move on, you move on.
NO MATTER HOW HARD

No matter how hard.

And that's life
And you keep fighting
I'll fight for my dreams and my visions
For a world with out your smog and misconception
Where these wrong words thought of rightly
And injust actions performed justly
Are no more
Where my solidarity is only recognized  through my laughter
And my pain is only recognized by my flesh
Where I can hold hands with my sons and daughters
And I can look my father in the eyes,
And he'll knows I past his tests

If the moon is drawn to the earth
Than what's it really worth
Since the ocean is the world's source of life

The waves kiss the shore
Leave and return for more
While the moon grows angry at the tide

She whispers out hello
Follows in shadows
Dizzy from the whole turn about

He will never know
The earth is so shallow
He would be so much worse off without

He asked me for my forgiveness, and I told him he has it. When I was 12 he asked me for my friendship, and I told him it was his. I didn't understand at that time that I was a maverick, nor did I understand that a parent should be more than just friends with their kids. It was another copout. Another way for him to escape the mistakes that his ***** compelled him to make. Thoughts from his smaller head became a disease, murdering the instincts of his larger. One that destroyed his mind and made fair to dawn unto him the status of brain dead. In my childish state I accepted this, not knowing I would have to mature on my own, neglecting the advice of my mother because it came in an aggressive tone, neither understanding that it was my new friends fault that the women I loved and my sole protector was tarnished, dented, and mocked. Used as a semi-sentimental locket, only to be pulled out and loved when he didn't feel love himself. Now I'm 20 years old and he's still in my life. You would think I would have made him take the immediate stage right when he told me he was having another child. No, it was not with my mother. He had lost his locket years prior allowing me to stumble upon it and realize it was never his in the first place. Rather it was mine to protect and polish. This new child was still family though, the blood that races through me and the features of my father that I wish weren't to be were also to be in him. I needed to act. In the years to come I realized it may not have all been my fathers fault. He knew not his father and was forced to live life stumbling around as a lost soul in the misty haze of confusion. Sort of like me but neglected to a further degree. So I took the responsibility to help father this fatherless father in hopes that one day he may become the father I knew he could be. So my brother could have a father instead of a friend and my friend could have a family instead photographs of faces he'd once seen, that only reminded him of the resentment and angst that he'd caused in the souls of those wandering with him in the misty haze of confusion.

Gun powder and hot steel,
The separation from what is real,
To keep us safe or to help us ****.
Clack! Clack! This is not a drill.

You hate the problem but you love the cause,
Like if your strapped you'll protect us all,
But every man is bound to fall,
Bang! Bang! We are all at war.

What they don't understand they **** on sight.
Advance their tools just to ease they're minds.
They make money so it's justified.
Intimidate, never have to hide.

The more we live the more we die.
Both in our hearts and in our minds.
I'd give my life if you gave them time. 
So **** me if that's what's right.

I resorted back to my old ways and now it's causing paranoia.
A part of my mind is holding me back and the other drives me forward.
Playing it day by day, living life move by move.
It's not like if  I take one foot out of line I'll have much to lose!
They say the smallest feather on the back could mean the world to a goose,
Well my feather is breaking me down and forcing room for a noose.
 The question is, "How can I survive if my body fights against me?"
Yet my mind's always wandering and my heart's always empty.
I'm only here for two days! The rest of the time I'm drifting. 
And you wonder why my opinions are always shifting. 
Mental instability? No one will ever feel for me.
I'm alone in my room and all these voices sound so real to me. 
Back in the ignorance and back in the bliss.
But ignorance is only bliss if you plug your nose to the ****.

We had forgone the laws
Every unwritten rule
And the world soluted  us

We did what we were told not to
And ran freely together 
Still the world soluted us

We did not love 
And we did not care
And the world soluted us

Theres was no great destination 
Only what was there 
But the world still soluted  us

If we fell 
The world would solute 

If we succeeded
The world would watch us fall

When we do not pose a threat 
The world will solute us all

A dark room and muted noise
A spotlight shining down
Tables set around the floor
For now there is no crowd

Your past invokes a conversation
While I hide mine in the shadows
You would give love with no provocation 
Yet you hide it in the shadows

Your not what I saw in the light
Your not what I saw in the crowd
What stands before me is not hideous though
I'd rather adjust to your ground 

So not a moment has pasted in the dark room
And the spotlight still shines
It bounces off your ivory skin 
And you stay frozen with time

I step hesitantly closer
I smile so I know you can see
Even if your past is fogged
Your future shines brightest with me

Suicidal like a black widows father
And angrier than the midnight tide
I told you twice but why'd I even bother
Like Jim Carey you lie

I love you because I know I can help you 
You hate me because I can't
Now I'm suicidal like a black widows father 
Trapped in a large apes hand

I fight and I squirm and I spin
Yet the grip is just too tight 
Suicide seems easier now
I just give up the fight

If I had said yes would you have told me you loved me
If I had said yes would you have stayed
If I had tried to change would you still be together
Even though you tell me now I'm not to blame

If I would have studied a little harder could we have made it all work
If I would have cleaned up a little more would it have gotten better
If I wasn't born would you be living happy lives
At times I feel like a cloud of bad weather

You sit me down and tell me it's okay
When all along I know your wrong
You sit me down and lie to my face
and expect  me not to be my fathers son

More riveting than the love we made
More memorable than the words you screamed
More tender than the bites on my neck
And more fulfilling than your future dreams

More passionate than our blazing embrace
And more rocky than your rodeo moves
More arousing than any position
Yet simply truer than what we can prove
 
And if you do not love me
And if I do not love you
And our hearts won't break
Than what can we lose?

When did society make its change
Around the time the good gave up the reins  
Before the egotistical corrupted its veins
And the storm even had a chance to break
That was our downfall
Ease and lax living became the dream for many
But lax living is simply  contradictory 
Life has no ease, only moments of liberation
Moments that if you contemplated them
You can grow
But no one likes change if it's not planned
Growth they can't contain 
It's like an earthquake that does more than shakes
It rumbles, it breaks
Not to destroy but to make way for growth
Stability is an illusion that dates back to the old
It's not true 
The best way to control change is to adapt
Catch the wave and ride it through
Waves aren't stable 
You have to be willing to drown in the process
If your not you'll be left swimming in the ocean
And you will drown in the process
Again this is where we went wrong
We don't catch the wave
We doggy paddle in shark infested waters while the rich and prosperous ride strong 
If you want change then you must catch the wave and ride on
You must observe your surroundings while readying for the storm
Then embrace it
You cannot fear change, you cannot hate it 
You must let it mold you into a person wiser than you were yesterday
And then aim to do it progressively
Do not let yourself get blinded by the golden glare of life and living 
Rather learn from the bad, wallow in the better, and live a life worth living

Split mind. Split soul. Half of him loves his family. His intelligent daughter, energetic son, and beautiful wife. The other half loves nothing at all. Not himself, not his immorality, not even the toxins that he constantly ejects into his body. A modern day Jekyll and Hyde. To have a split personality is no easy taking. How does one love a single being with two men trapped inside. Knowing you will only be thought about with half the effort. Only known half of the time. Only loved with half the heart. Knowing this could drive a woman equally as crazy. While his careless half went out for another night of binge drinking and fornication, she was left at home. Well honestly, doing the same. One day it all became to much. In one of her drunken rants she grabs a pair off kitchen sheers. "Honey, where are you going?" she asked, not haven made up her mind on her next step. "Who the hell are you?" He replied. In a fit of drunken rage she charges after him. Determined that she could sheer away his lesser half. She screamed. He ran. She followed. Cornered, he had no where to flee. He snapped back. "Baby, what are you doing with the scissors?" , he asked frightened. He saw the look in her eyes. She was no longer there. The rage and fury had taken over her. "Babe, put the scissors down." He pleaded. She didn't understand what he was asking. Whether she couldn't comprehend that it was her husband back in control of his body, or if she just didn't care anymore, fed up with it all, no one knows. She lunged at him with the sheers in hand. When the officer arrived they saw the women curled in the corner smiling. "Did it work? Is he my husband again?" The mans body was mutilated. His skull was open. Half his brain was gone. His chest was open as well. Only half a heart. The women was taken away, convinced she did it all out of love. The children were placed in foster care. Both scarred for life from the events that they witnessed. And the man, well let's just say his partying days are over as well. Half hearted love kills.

Verse 1:
You cheered for me
You clapped for me
But in the end I was just another story for you

You screamed for me
You cried for me
But in the end you really didn't care did you

Pre-Chorus:
Cuz I know
And you know
How I felt about you

And you know
That I'd go
I'd go through hell for you

Chorus:
So I'm happy that you're out of my life
Once and for all, once and for all
And I know if I just gave you the time
You'd let me fall, you'd let me fall

So I'm done with your ****
Cuz all it is, is *******
Say you've won you haven't
Just go ahead cuz I quit
I quit

Verse 2:
You walked for me
You talked for me
Out of everyone, I thought I could rely on you

You tried to help me
You tried to tell me
In the end you were helping your self weren't you

Pre-Chorus:
Cuz I know
And you know
How I felt about you

And you know
That I'd go
I'd go through hell for you

Chorus:
So I'm happy that you're out of my life
Once and for all, once and for all
And I know if I just gave you the time
You'd let me fall, you let me fall

So I'm done with your ****
Cuz all it is, is *******
Say you've won you haven't
Just go ahead cuz I quit
Yes I quit

Tag:
Cuz you know
And I know
How I felt about you

And you know
That I'd go
I'd go through hell for you

So I'm done with your ****
Cuz all it is, is *******
Say you've one you haven't
Go ahead cuz I quit.