I pull my heart straight from my chest
And place it inside a chest of drawers
The beating it once knew around you
Has now slowly petered out

I push my dreams from the precipice
And watch them shatter into shards
The blackness swallows every jagged piece
And sleep eludes my every chase

Veiled to the rest of the world
I sit in silence
Terrified by the presence of myself

I must revive
The spirits that lay dormant
Buried within a crypt without a key

Trapped in a place no man, nor god
Ever dare follow
Consumed by these endless thoughts

I must cleanse
Like the mist that burns away
From the arrival of sunlight across the sky

Terrors in the night again
That slither like serpents in the sheets
I ward them off with manufactured lullabies

Cold sweat runs down my spine
Burning my flesh, yet chilling my soul
I clutch my pillow and dare to dream again

The visions have evolved again
From grey to colors as vivid as your eyes
And I am invested, beyond hope of repair

Under willows, the apathy weeps upon my face
Leaving my guardians paralyzed
And yielding all of the secrets within my bones

Pierced through, watching myself bleed out
I smile a broken, transparent, smile
And drift away, where angels dare not tread

She is the lightning to my thunder
The one behind all my wonder
The gentle beauty to my erratic
The infallible melody to all my static
She is the patience to my haste
The kiss forever cemented in its taste
The mainland to my unsteady sea
The passion behind my every plea
She is the story I'm never erasing
The dream I will never stop chasing
The morning I want to wake up to
The lover I want to make love to
She is the compass to my misdirection
The light behind my dark reflection
The gravity when I'm drifting away
And the home where I want to stay

Chasms and carnivals
I am better left for dead
The fears buried within me
Are burying me instead
Anxiously apathetic
I am a sign nailed upon your door
Have you found a better story to tell
Than crashing recklessly into my core?

My mind sends reinforcements
To the crater where my heart once beat
I am sleepless when at peace
And I am exhausted when at war
I'm humbled by this new expanse

I just closed the door
While she's standing on the other side
I am numb and staring off into space
There are no feelings that once thrived
Instead, new pain fills the voids

I stand upon the ledge overlooking the world
And I wish that I had wings
I try to fly, try to sail away
Into the comfort of your dreams
But just like all the times before
I can't keep this air beneath me
So here I am now, just a broken man
Pieces of the wreckage I knew I'd be

I walk upon the edge of the ocean
And I let the tides heal my wounded feet
My footprints along this shoreline
Have become a history incomplete
But the horizon turns the pages
On all my forgotten days
So here I am, a broken man
As the waves carry me away

It feels so cold out here tonight
My warmth has all but floated away
It's been quiet here out on the water
But the voice in my soul has more to say
I'm still here, still the same broken man
Pieces of the wreckage I knew I'd be
But after all this, barely adrift, barely alive
Did I find you, in the remains of me?

Drip.
Drip. Drip.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Like a flood it takes me over.
Hands of life come ever closer.
Water, tides, and waves crashing.
Simple, sample, teeth ever gnashing.
I call out your name and the echoes shatter.
The shape of our outline never matters.
Simple, sample, tongues ever dancing.
Water, tides, and waves prancing.
Hands of death come ever closer.
Like a flood it takes me over.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Drip. Drip.
Drip.

I'm chased by demons
But I'm not sure I want to get away
Branded by blissful consequences
I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to bring rhythm
To these chaotic days

Are you the plague on my heart?
Or the antidote I've been waiting on?
Are you dawn that floods this darkened room?
Or the black hole absorbing everything?

I'm chased by demons
But I'm not sure I care who catches me first
Branded by blissful consequences
It's clear I have no hope of ever quenching
This undeniable thirst

Are you the wooden door to my memories?
Or the padlock resting against it?
Are you the blood coursing through these veins?
Or the edges drawing it from these open wounds?

I am off...
Slightly to the left.
No.  Slightly to the right.

Never straight, never
perfect.

I am disarray...
Out of order.
Out of sorts.

Never aligned, never pristine.

I am inharmonious...
Causing a cringe.
Causing a sigh.

Never melody, never beautiful.

But, I am content...
On my island.
In my sanctuary.

Always me, always in dream.

.

The man sits stationary in his favorite chair
While children are adrift in their dainty dreams
Fire spits, crackles, and warms the room
One that is far colder than it seems
Much like shimmering snowflakes fluttering down
Memories fall from his clouded mind
Santa should be half past San Francisco by now
Leaving crumbs and subtle grace behind
The man calls himself an imperfectionist
Because flaws are the greatest gift of all
But soon, carols will fade back into their music box
Only regret will deck these halls
Under a Christmas tree as green as his envy
Presents sit wrapped as tightly as his lips
Reindeer could be sailing across winter skies
But he's obscured by his mind's eclipse
There's no more bliss in the land of wonder
There's no more repeating of sounding joy
The man fades into uneasy Christmas slumber
So ends yet another year, as a misfit toy

Days removed from the womb
And they tell you that you have your father's eyes
Your brother's hair
And your mother's fiery disposition

Years down the road
And they tell you that the sky has lost its color
And speak, ad nauseum, of how your fate is entwined
With that of only the fairest of maidens

Pattering feet thunder down the hallway
As serendipity bleeds from eye to cheek
And nothing, no one, of this world
Can exhaust its endless supply

At the midpoint of what textbooks describe only as 'crisis'
Is where motion and emotion collide
And everyone, even the fairest of maidens
Run screaming back to the safety of castle walls

Then, almost as swiftly as life began
Oxygen starts to taste poisonous on an unfurled tongue
As pupils contract, ****, wouldn't father be proud
Of a son who sees what he only wants to see

Then come the grains of truth in the fairy tale
The ones so fine, that you would need a microscope
While tomorrow feels more like a curse
And the blessings, have taken flight and left the nest

Here at last, I feel at peace with the war I've waged
And sunsets don't seem as violet as the violence I've left behind
My mother's fiery disposition
Now simply ashes swept away by eastward winds

I made love to you in my mind,
Long before my hands traced your skin
I tore at every strand of fabric,
Long before I espied the shape of you
I unclasped your bra in daydreams,
Long before it was tossed aimlessly aside

And whatever, my love,
Happens to us now
Know that the burning desire within me
Still echoes
In every revolution of the minute hand
And in every mile of space between us

I know again I shall crave,
Reckless collisions from our bodies entwined
I know again I shall thirst,
To mingle my hands within strands of your hair
And I know again I shall covet,
To pull you back to the embrace in which you belong

And whatever, my love,
Happens beyond tomorrow
Know that the labor of my love for your touch
Still echoes
In every drop of rain that resounds upon the roof
And in every emergence of the sun's first light

Embedded in my consciousness
Clouds of endless fire and fever
Lick at my salty face like a lazy waterfall
I have been unraveled outside the stratosphere, where
Pieces of starlight consume my decaying skin
Sun and moon crash, collide, eventually crumble, and
Everything I once touched, no longer touches me

In Edinburgh,
Where all her colors were born
Where blues grazed her eyes
And every lavender was torn

In Edinburgh,
Where lips of violet were pursed
Where the greys all surrendered
And the Lothians touched her first

In Edinburgh,
Where cobblestone formed her feet
Where her kiss swept through meadows
With windswept hair like golden wheat

In Edinburgh,
Where her roots took hold in the moors
Where her innocence first trembled
And nimble toes danced along shores

In Edinburgh,
Where her sins became my daydream
Where a tomorrow may never come
And her love only flows downstream

Denouement.
Make me believe.
Believe I was more than a whisper.

Intermission.
Take a fading breath.
Breathe and release, the rift will close.

Prologue.
We are born.
Into tragedy and the sound of her smile.

Now we're back at where it always ends.
The beginning.

If I had a wall between myself and truth
I'd climb it, but only halfway
For beyond a point there is no handhold

If my eyes are plotting against me
Don't tell me, because blindness
Is a place where the world is brighter

I won't second guess my decisions
For I'm second best, and that I accept
As a wanderer of this broken earth

I cannot lay about any longer
I'm restless, no sleep comes
To the spirit that elicits this enterprise

He is a pariah
Tossed aside like a scrap of food
Antiquated
Ever-changing like a demon's mood
His words are pale
Like leaves blowing in the wind
His eyes are a stark contrast
Dancing among hues as he transcends
He is a smuggler
Housing the secrets of a generation
A benevolent rain is falling
In this desert of hibernation
He dreams in allegory
Brandishing an army of mystery
Waking up only starts the dream again
To stare down barrels of his own artillery

I raise the blinds to let the world in
Fix your coffee just to see you smile
Footfalls echo throughout the hallway
And I want to stay here for a while
I hear the shower running
Knowing how hot you like the water
I reflect on the evolution of us
And how our love burned even hotter
Simple complexity is our principle
Our imbalance is a shortened fuse
I dream of different happy endings
You dream of life as a muse
I hear the hum of Adele through walls
Amazing all that a heart can distort
This love born in a summer haze
Is flatlining on fall's life support
I grab my keys and wallet
Yet leave my prudence on the table
Goodbye is never uttered
Because tomorrow is always unstable

When push comes to shove
And hate turns to love
We clamp down until fingernails break the skin

He curses his dastardly shadow
And looses his cowardly arrow
All without aiming for the heart deep within

We break molds with our sadness
Make bold statements in madness
Knowing there are more wishes than wells to grant them

Set in motion by dying cultures
We leave bait for the vultures
Exasperated children, we have no men left to defend them

We clean up debris and stitch wounds, but our lips are stitched far more tightly than we first believed.  We are basking in the silhouette of silver skylines, but these vacant voices are maddening in the deep quiet.  I've watched for years as our laughter faded, from a medicine delivered through strands of innocence, to the subtle poisons of dying youth.

And it makes me wonder,

Am I so crumpled that
I can't defend myself from seduction?
Have I even once been amended since
My evils were birthed into this chaos?
Am I really so callous that
I ignore the pleas of my heartbeat?
Are we all so burdened that
The beast doesn't even matter anymore?
Is it so far-fetched to ask for my own exile
From mankind's tragic grand finale?

I've never given much thought
To an afterlife
If it's as empty as life itself
I'm not sure there's even a point
If it's as painful as the loneliness
I've endured for you
I don't think I care to see it
I'm better off slowly killing myself
I've never given much thought
To the dreams we dream
As the air escapes our lungs
And as our heartbeat finally stops
But if I dream of us together
The way I always wanted us to be
Then maybe it's time to close my eyes
And never lift their weights again

I watch the world through this filtered glass
The only place where I see things clearly
The only place where everything askew
Is finally set straight again

I watch the world from this lonely lighthouse
Seems the well-wishers have all fallen in
But the well is as dry as their lips
Victims of another summer's daydream

I watch the world from this grey cloud
The only place I hear the world's heartbeat
The only place where I can escape the storm
The only place that I belong

Sometimes,
It's just hard to see it
But as time creeps on
It becomes clearer to me
That you, my dear,
Are just a fair-weather
Endeavor

Because,
In times of grey and disarray
You are nowhere
To be lost or found
And you, my dear,
Are the slowest form of
Quicksand

I am falling through a nightmare
Now that you're not there
To catch me anymore
I am slipping into darkness
Now that I am no longer your mess
To save drifting out from shore

I am dreading my own reflection
All these mirrored imperfections
Burning a hole through me
I am pleading for forgiveness
Now that I am no longer your mess
To pull out of this careless sea

I am falling through a nightmare
Now that you're not there
To catch me anymore
I am slipping into darkness
Now that I am no longer your mess
To save drifting out from shore

It's obvious when she jumps, she misses
Leaving behind a footprint that tries too hard
To tell a happy story

She loses her confidence, and in turn, loses me
Because running is so much simpler
Than running in place

She scrawls all her feelings with invisible ink
And stores all the dreams she's saved
In a false bottom box

Beyond the layers and beyond the mask
There's a shimmer of something more
Something, I once adored

In the corner of her mind, I drift
Floating like detritus along the open sea
And waiting for an outstretched hand

The mind can only think so much
Before it wanders
Before it dampens
Before it derails

The heart can only take so much
Before it withers
Before it crumbles
Before it falters

Sever the ties before they tighten
Sever the stems before they bloom
Sever this love before I shatter
Sever these memories that loom

Because the mind can only think so much
Before it wanders
Before it dampens
Before it derails

And the heart can only take so much
Before it withers
Before it crumbles
Before it falters

If I had been around in '41
I feel I would have mattered more
Made a handful less mistakes
And fought for lives on foreign shores

I would have championed for freedoms
For colors beyond my own skin
To speak and worship freely
To be free from the fears within

I would watch my innocence crumble
At Bette Davis and those starlit eyes
How Rita Hayworth would corrupt me
With legs made to victimize

The day I'd enlist to serve my country
How scared my mother would be
Sitting in her morning chair all evening
Pretending there were no tears to see

Maybe my father would actually notice
A young man that needed his time
A boy that needed a little shove
To dream bigger than the painted lines

I would have worked til' my fingers bled
To see Joltin' Joe hit safe in 56
To witness the magic of Beantown
And Teddy Ballgame getting in his licks

I can only imagine my heartbeat
Holding her hand in the freezing rain
Knowing tomorrow, I'd be off to Hell
Knowing I may never see her face again

I would've taken the A train with her
Just because Ella and Duke told us to
Danced her up and down Sugar Hill
Til' there was only one thing left to do

We would've driven a coupe by starlight
Til' we were running only on dreams
Break into a farm at the edge of town
And lay silent til' roosters screamed

I would have left my fedora in the backseat
Kissed her lips and swallowed my doubt
Waved from a train headed for Carolina
Feeling knots I'd only read about

Starfield, as scattered as this mind
And sirens,
As shrill as darkness redesigned
Forgive me, please, forgiveness
For I have granted you to the undeserving

Starfield, as bright as your eyes
And sirens,
As dead as this compromise
Forgive me, please, forgiveness
For I have left you weary from overuse

Starfield, as lost as misery
And sirens,
As distant as you are to me
So forgive me, please, forgiveness
For I have finally led you here to die

Frivolous fairytales?

Frivolous fairytales, be ******
These goals are anything but lofty
I have owned my past mistakes,
But seems my demons still own me

Frivolous fantasies?

Frivolous fantasies, be expunged
Because the taste of your salty skin
Kept me dehydrated,
From outer layers to depths within

Frivolous affection?

Frivolous affection, be absorbed
By the heartless pit in your chest
For my blood is still flowing,
But this love needs laid to rest

Amounting to more
Than my heart can hold
Stained silver cuts deep
With its poison-steeped blade
And the pen in my hand
Remains bitter cold to the touch

I write my pleas
With ice-coated words
Words that melt swiftly
As they dance upon coals
The embers of a fiery
And deceitful tongue

As I tiptoe along
The edge of the Earth and back
I notice there is scarcely
A whisper in the wind
Imprecise eyes
See only brackish blinks now

Fallen memories
Have piled outside my door
Yet my footprints
Are still sprinkled across the field
And I retreat,
Back to a haven of simple thoughts

I am hallucinating
As I watch pieces of myself chip away
As though I am a sculpture
For winter's amusement
Merely a plaything
Of this everlasting frost