Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
300 · Aug 2019
Bi- c y c l es
Phoenix Rising Aug 2019
I'm back to square one,
running in circles.
I'm like a laundry mat
with all these cycles.
Just wring me out,
I'm better off
hanging.

I'll use you as a good time.
I'm just like
all the ***** guys.
I'll even put you in my rhyme,
if you remind me of
all my lies.

I've changed,
"you're just not the same."
All my ol' friends tend to say.
That's what happens
when you put
**** in your nose
e v e r y d a y.
299 · Jan 2019
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Jan 2019
Can't choose who I love,
only how I can deal with it.
I'll never forget you.
295 · Mar 2018
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
I really don't see the point any more
295 · May 2021
Fuck Addiction
Phoenix Rising May 2021
I've been thinking about my connection to drugs. I've thought about why I've struggled my whole life...to feel utterly powerless.
Sometimes
I'm so lonely.
I don't even think lonely is the right answer.
Empty.
Void.
Abyss.
Jaded.
I don't know.
It swallows me into this vortex and it pushes everyone I love away. It made my boyfriend whom I love leave me.  Like always. Not new.
I'm done. I have to fight. It's that or die.
I don't want to die...
Please. I don't.
Sometimes I wish I was never born.
It hurts so much.
295 · Dec 2014
off kilter
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
the walls muffle screams
that overlap into my dreams
i wish those sad people could stop fighting
so i could sleep instead of writing
292 · Aug 2016
happy without trying
Phoenix Rising Aug 2016
the window is clear and open

the fog from my overused, hyperventilating lungs is absent

the rain from my eyes no longer marks my architecture

i see a change i think i had a part in---
doesn't matter
it happened

older i grow, my mind moves slower
----away from emotions

i'm greeted in new ways
a new phase?
291 · Jan 2015
No one's is more real
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
if a ****** can hallucinate
a creation that is seemingly
real down to all five senses
and the others around him
cannot see, is he insane?

i am no ******
but the things that are seemingly
real down to all five senses
that are not my creation
and others around me can see
don't always feel real


i  don't think
our reality is
any more real
if the guy next to me
was capable of
creating something so
real seeming
with only his head
i think
it's all
in our
heads
291 · Mar 2018
Im ready to resurrect
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
I never thought I'd be an addict.
Once I tasted that fate... I saw everything after.
I was always addicted to something.
People, adrenalin, chaos.
Opiates were nothing more than an add-on. Another to the list...
Something inside me is growing...
Even though I'm more negative than ever, a part of me wants to grow and learn more than ever. I always lied to myself about being happy...but maybe I've been doing it all wrong.
Maybe I need to be angry. Maybe I need to yell and scream and get it all out of my system so I can make room for real happiness.
Maybe I'm just metaphorically throwing up all the toxins.
291 · Mar 2023
Narcissist
Phoenix Rising Mar 2023
To the contrary,
monsters aren't scary.
They aren't giant, evil
or hairy.
They're often handsome and
approachable, so be wary...
At first,
they'll draw you in and burrow into your heart.
Your heart will race and you'll feel alive.
Then that's when you'll believe their lies.
They'll emotionally grip you and of course you react.
That's the queue for them to turn it back.
It's your fault they'll convince you, truly.
You'll lose grip of who said what, when and who started this and that.
Your mind becomes a scribble and the trauma leaves a gap.
Once your energy is no more,
they'll unhinge their fangs to find someone else.
Your heart is racing, but you don't feel alive.
You feel frail, wounded and dead deep inside...
290 · Jan 2015
nobody's
Phoenix Rising Jan 2015
a rainbow is beautiful
but can not be touched
and fades quickly after its presented

you are beautiful
but you won't let me touch you
and you leave quickly after I say hello
289 · Feb 2018
Counting The Days
Phoenix Rising Feb 2018
Just a matter of time,
my depression will win.
289 · Apr 2017
Be you. You are cool.
Phoenix Rising Apr 2017
Getting famous; now that must be nice. Getting famous by being yourself? ******* jackpot.
289 · Feb 2015
Star Children
Phoenix Rising Feb 2015
I want a game plan
on how to be a star
because star dust
just isn't
enough...

George Harrison said,
"Give me light, give me life,
keep me free from birth."
and I think he was heard
288 · Jul 2016
Lost cause
Phoenix Rising Jul 2016
always numb and bitter in the end
from having expectations that i'll do the same again

i've changed in ways that i'll compensate with another bad habit
i still break hearts do not be fooled
but know that it hurts me, too
284 · Oct 2016
drug addict
Phoenix Rising Oct 2016
everything is messy
i've accepted that
and that is the first step
to a clean act
283 · Jul 2018
I love you...
Phoenix Rising Jul 2018
Feeling all alone is hard to accept.
I wish I could save you,
but it never works out like that.
I have to sink a little lower
to help you lift back up.

I dream of being a time traveler
so I can undo all I've done to hurt you.
I can only learn to be less ******.

It hurts a lot to see the resentment between us and have no power over the situation or how you percieve me.

I guess it's really over this time.
We used to have so much energy
for a chase.
I can tell things
have changed between us...
Now there are no more call backs after a fight,
now you walk away
and leave instead hearing me out.
There is no more
fighting for another chance,
only fighting and going on with the day.
I guess it's really over this time...
276 · Dec 2014
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Dec 2014
Benadryl hums it's numbing song and I dim down the lights to surrender from my wobbly eyes.
273 · Jul 2018
.
Phoenix Rising Jul 2018
.
stop using my voice
for your thoughts.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2021
I seem to exhaust myself
way before expressing an opinion.
I believe it's my own way
of preserving authenticity to myself.
My own little secrets. It makes me feel like they hold more power....like a party full of rich people who exclude "regulars" and slap "Exclusive" as a theme.
Believe me,
when I say...
I don't have much else to offer.
I've given every piece
I've ever been familiar of myself
to some other outside source,
definitely, not worthy of having...seeing...touching.
Maybe it's a lie.
I could just be lying to myself.
Maybe I'm just tired and sad.
268 · Oct 2023
fuck
Phoenix Rising Oct 2023
a voidless ache,
underlying everything.
it's worse
if you have already met before.
because despite it's dullness
at times...
you are constantly reminded
of how deep it can feel.
the only emotion
to cut through the space between
the emotional and physical.
the only emotional agony
to bring me to my knees...
gripping my chest...
i wish i'd die already.
but it's slow and methodical...
i don't want to be human anymore.
266 · Nov 2020
One Night
Phoenix Rising Nov 2020
Why can't sadness
be a one night stand?
Shed the tears
like a silk dress.
Caress the feeling
only until dawn,
just to leave before
it's known.
266 · Jul 2017
But...
Phoenix Rising Jul 2017
...I do care.
264 · Apr 2017
Insanity
Phoenix Rising Apr 2017
Will the weather ever get better
inside my head?
Can these thoughts, formed as prison bars, dissipate?
I'm not sure how much longer I can entertain the monster.
263 · Sep 2017
Evasive
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I want you in,
but I'm too shifty.
I see all the life lines
I could live.
Ms. Somebody,
but who should I be?
I could love you,
or you,
or you,
or me.
261 · Mar 2018
heartbroken
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
5 hours of sleep in 2 days

can't sleep more than 30 minutes
at a time

...wearing your hoodie...

keep jerking awake and checking phone frantically

thinking i'll see you or hear from you

even though i changed numbers and took social media hiatus

i miss you so much

im not living

this isnt living

im sick
260 · Apr 2017
Drive
Phoenix Rising Apr 2017
I want to get inside my
'02 ******* - roller coaster when it turns - car
and drive so fast
that the wind supplies my breathes.
My hair strangles my neck
and eyes,
gets stuck to the creases of my mouth
and my heart creates
an arrhythmia from
the combination of
excitement and anxiety.
260 · Feb 2018
my life
Phoenix Rising Feb 2018
life is a teenage boy.
every day it breaks my heart.
every day is a fight out of bed.
every day i wonder if i'm worth being faithful to...if i am a prize...if i'll always be the prettiest.

life is my mother;
abusive and loud,
vein and possessive.
one day life wants to hug me
and then pushes me hard.
life wants a storm every
other day because life collects my tears for fun.

life is me wishing you understood
how much i love you but realizing actions are important.
life is dealing with the truth that you're afraid of me.
life is me having to put in effort while having a weight so heavy and so invisible...on my chest.

life isn't about me.
my life isn't about me.
my life is not about me, at all.
258 · Jun 2018
shapeshifter
Phoenix Rising Jun 2018
when I was at my worse,
depression would manifest
in many forms.
whispering in my ear
like the truth.
it would stand in front
of people i loved
and i would think the people
were the problem,
but it was depression
stealing identities.
258 · Oct 2017
.
Phoenix Rising Oct 2017
.
i've hidden behind lines
and waves of liquor.
i thought my fear
was cured with beer.
enslaved by substance abuse,
a living coward.
afraid of love and life.
but then one day,
one night,
two overdoses and attempted suicide,
one you and one i ...
something inside of me
ignited.
i turned left,
this day was different
despite all the same.
this 365th day was the day i said
"hey, enough is enough. i'm quitting the drugs. i'm in love and you are the one."
256 · Aug 2017
J
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
J
His eyes shimmered.

No need for the shine of a burning star
nor the glare of the moonlight...
For the warmth of his heart lit the path to my sanctuary.
"I love you, too", I replied.
255 · Oct 2017
progressive depression
Phoenix Rising Oct 2017
If I could be
as busy as
my depression...
I'd be a
better
person.
Tired of this
emotional
rollercoaster.
I'm better
off
dead.

I'm fine.
I'm not fine.
I'm fine!!
I'm not fine..
I'm fine.....
254 · Feb 2023
Self Pep Talk
Phoenix Rising Feb 2023
I have truly come so far
in my life.
I look back and recognize
the wisdom I have obtained from past mistakes.
I can appreciate and truly enjoy how much learned behavior
I have undone.
I have a long way to go, though.
I honestly didn't even realize it
until I fell in love and got sober.
It's hard to not want to rush my growth
when I see my toxic traits affecting the people I truly love.
I want to change overnight, but
I know it's not like that...
But I feel so ******
when I overuse "I'm Sorry."
Please, hold on.
I'm getting better.
I hope you see it, but this is me telling you
I can feel and see it internally.
I'm ready for therapy...
I think it will make me progress faster.
I'm ready to make an appointment
and go.
Just like I did for my addiction.
That's the next step.
I have removed the crutch...
Now it's time to heal the wound.
If the hospital bed is my drug addiction...
Then therapy is my cure.
254 · Mar 2018
My life is over
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
I keep torturing myself
with scenarios of you kissing
someone new and her touching the hair on your chest.
I think of your first day without a thought of me and feeling the excitement of a new beginning.
I see you looking at her with more love than you showed me. I see you learning from my pain to treat her better and show her more affection.
What I'd do to trade bodies
with your next girl...
253 · Mar 2017
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Mar 2017
Doesn't matter.
I won't find the words,
I won't find the feelings.
No matter how hard I try,
I was never programmed to do things right.

Maybe because they're my words,
that I will never feel anything other than obsolete.
I hope someone reads this and thinks I'm smart,
thinks I'm special,
thinks "she's neat"

Will that resolve my defeat?
Doesn't matter.
I am predetermined.
I am programmed.
I am a robot.
252 · Aug 2017
Spawn
Phoenix Rising Aug 2017
You're the bad seed
I stem from.
Tell me I need a professional,
one more time,
when you're the one
who left the dirt and grime.

Here I am...
Cleaning up your mess,
the mess in my head and chest.
I don't need your meds
nor your opinions.
Save your breath.
251 · Sep 2017
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
I wanna gorge.
I want you to be the liquor,
the money and the porsche.
To hold me close...
is the idea that courses through
my veins...
Obtain...
the knowledge
on how much you love me...
is the objective.
Effective...
let me love you
flood you, suffocate you,
debate you, deflate you...
climb inside...
Let us become one and then some.
250 · Nov 2017
Untitled
Phoenix Rising Nov 2017
Everyone is better off without me.
Oh, it's actually true, though.
The ratio of how I make people miserable versus happy is waaaay more on the miserable spectrum.
So, if people would stop being bias and **** after someone is dead...
They would know my imminent death is for the best.
248 · Sep 2017
.
Phoenix Rising Sep 2017
.
emotional tides strict like a meal plan,
except i don't eat, but more like a noose.
i see him, i see you.
[always about you...]
the gasp is wearing;
air is tearing and dissipating.
you are choking me
handless.
manic thoughts
and cigarette chiefing,
ears bleeding
from the infomercials.
4 AM
and i ******* know more about
RVs than i know about you.
246 · Jan 2021
scaredycat
Phoenix Rising Jan 2021
you're afraid
of
being




alone,





because you're terrified of your own head.


that's
so
weak.
Phoenix Rising Feb 2023
Tired of people [typically men]
telling me to smile.
Why the **** would
I need you to
tell me?
Did you think
I forgot?
Let's allow
all of our feelings.
They exist for a reason...
And I hate to admit it,
but pain is when I have grown the most.
I love who I'm growing into.
Let's not shun
the bad ones.
We need them.
So...
******* laugh,
or get mad.
Cry a river
or lay in bed.
Feel them all,
because
they are needed.
Let them pass
and be on their way.
Don't pretend
or they'll never go away...
So, next time you tell me to
S M I L E,
how about you just
get the
*******
away from me.
I'd rather *****
than have you
mold me
into your little
*******
barbie.
244 · May 2018
Life
Phoenix Rising May 2018
It's easy to be great when life is great.
It's when life becomes hard and challenging
that you'll truly get to meet yourself.
I've met myself many, many times.

All these different parts of myself
make up all of me.
When I feel bad more than good,
I have to ask myself:
Am I bad?

Depression,
you are the only one
who's always been there for me.
I have to let you go
in order to move forward.

I have to let you go.
I have to learn how to accept
everything that has happened from me
and to me.
That is hard.

I used to believe true pain
was what others did to me.
No.
True pain is living what you've done to others,
the ones you love,
the ones you don't want to live without.
That feeling lingers a lot longer than anything else bad.

I have to learn to forgive.
I have to accept it.
My fate depends on it.
I love you.
I also love myself.
Phoenix Rising Dec 2022
you've got a lot to learn,
but i can't be your teacher
i can't be your lesson
i've transcended

my mind is in a separate realm,
like a server online
that you aren't allowed to join
the password can't be told, only known

you have hurt us
from the fear of hurting us
and you treat me poorly,
because you make up the future

you don't want the truth,
you want me to validate your belief
you can't believe for a minute
i could be a decent human being

what a shame
a ******* waste, truly
so much potential
only to fail from fear
of failing
241 · Mar 2018
I hate people
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
Can't stop thinking how someone is gonna invite you out on st pattys and you're gonna **** someone.  God why can't my brain *******.
240 · Mar 2018
i am so sorry
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU.
I ******* LOVE YOU, JORDAN.
240 · Dec 2023
Fml
Phoenix Rising Dec 2023
Fml
I don’t
want to live
if living
is just
working
to eat
and
pay
bills.
*******,
America.
238 · Nov 2017
trust issues
Phoenix Rising Nov 2017
my nerves are shot
from all the scenarios
that could happen.
they play on repeat
and no matter how hard i try...
the visions don't stop.

i search and search
to find a problem.
but the only problem
that is real...
is me.
237 · Mar 2018
Love Hurts
Phoenix Rising Mar 2018
I may not have anything
in common with anybody,
but all have felt the same pain.
Pain may look evil...I promise,
it looks really cryptic,
but pain is only trying to guide you to a new opportunity. Natural selection.
I would have never met him if I hadn't been hurting.  I would have never moved to a nice town.
Phoenix Rising Jul 2017
No more war.
Within yourself.
With the world.
No more war.

No more guilt.
No more hating yourself
for feeling tempted over
your natural desire to procreate, feel, live.
No more guilt.

No one will have power of you.
You own a mind and a body.
Don't let something or someone you have never met control it.
No one will have power of you.

God is a silly word and concept.
If any, God exists within you.
You are the choices you make.
Perception is up to you.
Don't let anyone control that.

Morality is what makes us human/civilization.
Don't ever think you need an imaginary friend for that.
233 · Oct 2017
Stfu
Phoenix Rising Oct 2017
What is caring,
and why is it there?
I feel so guilty about all the times I opened my mouth.
I'll make it all about me,
believing it's all about you,
while making it all about
you making me have a reason to make it all about me.
Sometimes. I. Wish. I. Could. Just.
Shut. Up.
Shut up, Chloe.
Shut the **** up.
229 · Dec 2020
Subjective Perspective
Phoenix Rising Dec 2020
life is beautiful...
like a dark movie
through a child's perspective.
the only gift we have
is the ability
to be subjective.
i don't want to be perfect.
perfection is boring.
let's share scars
until the early morning.
Next page