My life is a cycle of the same mistakes
with the consequences violently increasing all of the time
But my world could fall apart around me, and I wouldn't blink

Foolishly, I try to tell myself how I've learned from my mistakes
But only on nights like these
4 AM. Alone.
Will I let my mind wander towards my reality

It's nights like these when I can feel true terror
I hate my past, but fear my future
Not because I know where I am headed
But because I have no motivation to change

I have yet to even consider what I might choose as a career
I have absolutely no passions
I don't see myself living beyond 30
But my real fear lies in the fact that I don't care

But in about 8 hours I will wake up, and push it out of my mind
And you and I might sit, making dumb jokes about irrelevant mistakes
And I will tell myself it's fine, I'm fine
And so the cycle continues

I wish I hadn't been here before
I wish I didn't know what you'd say if I told you the truth
I wish there was a chance
But I know all too well

So I keep pretending

It first started as mistakes
then with a couple heartbreaks
the effect leaving my life at stake

Flowing tears of waste
Oh how pitiful
this clear drop
that only brings me shock

I've heard of many, whom are no longer
able to fall in love
will I be one of thee

Quietly breathing
words stammered
My heart strong yet hammered

I would like to believe
that I am strong
but, since I've known myself
I can see clearly I am wrong

If, I breathe so much as the truth
I would feel sorrow
of telling victims
the deceit that they once believed

Forever is a long time
Someone once said to me
But, perhaps not
everything said
should be believed

The silence that slips so coldly
your fingertips sliding off me
as you leave with
your ring off set, near our desk

I knew you had left
quietness that shrivels and consumes me
Should be something
I should have already
gotten used to,
Silence

shes hiding in her bedroom
her blood splattered on the floor
her blade in her hand
her back to the door

she has a reason you know
theres a voice in her head
saying: "your not good enough"
"you deserve to be dead"

she looks in the mirror
and burst into tears
the voice comes again
pounding in her ears

"you deserve all this"
"every single cut"
"you deserve to die"
"you stupid little ****"

your right she thought to her self
i deserve it all
i dont deserve to be here
all it need is one big fall

she went to write a note
but she threw them in the bin
world could never describe
how she let the voice in

do it! do it!
"you fat ugly cow"
she stepped onto the ledge
she had to do it now

it taunts her
when she's lying in her bed
it screams bad thoughts
and whispers in her head

she took a breath
all she wants is silence
her own mind back
the only answer was violence

now she knew
as long as her heart was beating
the voice would be there
always repeating

no one even heard her
as quiet as mice
she finally got her silence
but her life was the price

I want someone to understand
What I can't communicate
To sweep me off my feet
And hug the pain away

I want someone to calm me
More than a flash of sharp steel
To comfort me sans blood
To show me what is real

I want someone who mends me
Without the help of pain
Who undoes my ragged stitches
And rewrites my brain

I want someone who'll support me
When I'm too weak to stand
When I want to cut, steal, smoke
Itching like the addict I am

I want someone to love me
More than I hate myself
To hold me when I cry
Always ready to help

I want someone who apologizes
When they say hurtful things
Who realizes and is remorseful
When the tread on my self-esteem

I want someone who indulges me
And the paranoia I carry
When I can't even leave home
When the world is too scary

I want someone who'll see through me
When I'm wearing my fake grin
When I want to cry so badly
When the facade stretches thin

I want someone who'll listen
To the story of my life
And hold me and rock me
And put away my knife

I want someone who'll reach out
When my apathy arises
And I don't bother to keep in contact
They push past my devices

I want someone who'll see me
When I can't see through the mirror
When the image is all wrong
And I still need to be thinner

I want someone who'll watch me
Put an extra scoop on my plate
Who'll make sure I eat the food
And keep down what I ate

I want someone who'll hide me
From society's expectations
And wrap themselves around me
Block the accusations

I want someone who'll hold my hand
Who'll hold me through the night
Who'll make me feel safe and at home
Someone who'll treat me right