Let me start by saying how sorry I am. I didn't want this to be an apology letter, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that that is what you deserve, and I never gave it to you. I built you up, just to eventually tear you down again because of my own selfish insecurities. And after everything was said and done, you still loved me. You accepted me for who I was, with every single fault. I never realized how significant you were to me until you left. I just couldn't comprehend that even when we were over, you were still what kept me sane. I would **** to spend a lazy day doing absolutely nothing with you just one more time. You have no idea how much I've gone downhill since you left. I know you always thought of me as the strong one, but lately I have been a complete mess. I can't talk to anyone though, because no one really knows me like you do. You doubted I would miss you at all, but I find myself thinking about you more and more everyday. The other day I looked through our old conversations. It broke my heart. I want to talk to you. I want to hold you. I need you. I just really wish you were here.
All of that being said, I am so proud of you for what you're doing. You're finally addressing your problems and taking control of your life. You've inspired me. I am going to pursue help for my problems with sociopathic tendencies and depression. I hear you're very happy and have found where you want to be. I also hear you're not coming back, and I assume we will never see each other again. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I made a huge mistake. I thought I was falling out of love with you. And I got scared that it would lead to me doing something stupid. But I never fell out of love with you, and I still haven't. I love you. I know that even if I see you again that you will have changed, and be a completely different person. I'm not religious, but I pray to god that you still love me too. It's terrifying to think that I'll never see you again, but infinitely worse to think that I will and that you no longer have feelings for me. I really wish I had come to these realizations before you left. I never even got to give you a real goodbye. So that's what this is I guess. I doubt you will ever see this, but I can hope that one day you will accidentally stumble upon it. I know you'll know it's about you. So goodbye, good luck, and by chance I hope our paths will cross in the future.
I'm sorry, I know this isn't a poem and I am somewhat misusing this platform but this is the only way this girl has a chance to hear what I have to say. I wrote this a couple of months ago, and my suspicions of not seeing her again are becoming a more and more probable reality each day. To girls that I have been involved with since then, I apologize and I know this may hurt to read, but I have to put this out there, just in case. That is all.